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I would suggest taking time to appreciate what you have and not what you do not.
You’re looking for things all on your own, no coworker needed.
Stop sugar coating things and justifying them with the silly “you don’t understand” nonsense.
Without the desire to be where you are right now with this person, none of this “soul mate “ talk exists.
Last edited by rego00123; 06-13-2018 at 01:45 PM..
You're just salivating over the chance to jump each others bones....well, maybe you are, she might just be playing and if you try to advance it you may up holding your **** in your hand and looking foolish.
But, if she doe agree, go ahead. Just keep in mind the cost benefit ratio since this is what divorces are made of.
She worth it?
It actually sometimes works they end up together(in fairy tales) but usually just two families get destroyed and the two 'hot to trots' end up with nothing
I made a thread explaining that me and a female co-worker instantly clicked and have crazy chemistry when we're around each other. I did not provide intricate details of some key pieces in our situation. I went ahead and provided the key pieces to a reply to a poster in the original thread, but for the sake of visibility I've decided to start a new thread about the intricate details. To those who have not seen the original thread, let me provide the information that the original thread contained in my post:
ORIGINAL THREAD MESSAGE:
Okay, this may sound weird but it is what it is. I became real cool with a female co-worker who works in a completely different department than myself. I can't even tell how we became so cool with each other, but it happened so naturally that I feel like we've known each other for years upon years.
When we're around one another we always have a great time. I am talking good communication, laughter and everything. We truly enjoy each other's company. When we're together just talking and she walks away her eyes linger much longer than necessary.
We've been out alone on lunch and our time together has been amazing! We are so carefree around each other that it is really refreshing. When she sees me her face beams with excitement.
Check this out, at my job sales rep's have certain numbers that's associated with their name to distinguish what customers belong to specific sales reps. For the past 2 weeks and counting I've been seeing her sales rep code multiple times a day. It is so strange.
I've heard of kindred spirits or soul mates and all of that, but I've never bought into that.
Could it be that we're meant to be with each other?
Here are the intricate details that I did not include in the original post that I should have included:
Now I know people will probably wonder why in the world is it taking so long for anything to happen between us. Well things aren't so simple. To put it blunt she is married and so am I. It is a messed up situation to be in, I know I know, and I feel so bad! I truly do and that is the ONLY reason I believe nothing has happened between us. Matter of fact I know that is the only reason. If we were not married, we would more than likely be in a very serious relationship by now!
I really do not want to make a move and I know she doesn't either. There are random times that we see each other and she jesters like she's about to reach her arms out to hung me, but stops herself immediately. It is so awkward when that happens. We did share three hugs in the three years (once at our company's Christmas party, once when I had made her a framed poem for her b-day and once when she came back from vacation).
The reality is we are two married people who found full-blown chemistry with one another! Please don't judge us because unless you're in a situation like this you have no idea how difficult it really can be!
I love my wife very much and I am sure she loves her husband very much. I didn't ask to have such a strong connection with this woman, but it is done and it is definitely real!
Sorry for the long post, but as you can see I am really in a difficult situation. People will say to stop communicating with the co-worker and all of that... and I should, but I can go two weeks not seeing her and when we see each other again, that chemistry takes back over. What would you do?
You should do what you have been, minus the blatant flirting.....keep it friends only. That is what married folks who love their spouses are supposed to do unless that are the cheating type.
Now, there are many folks that would say perhaps you should limit contact entirely, because having these types of emotions about a woman other than your wife is morally wrong. You also should be aware of the issues that can come up when you get involved with a co-worker.
Personally, I think you should try to spend your emotions on your wife.....putting her in the position to receive your adoration and friendship can only help your marriage, being playful and caring with your wife could make your feelings regarding this other co-worker less threatening.
Also, think about how you would feel if it was your wife playing this way with a co-worker.....that might put your behavior into perspective. Good luck.
You're just salivating over the chance to jump each others bones....well, maybe you are, she might just be playing and if you try to advance it you may up holding your **** in your hand and looking foolish.
But, if she doe agree, go ahead. Just keep in mind the cost benefit ratio since this is what divorces are made of.
She worth it?
It actually sometimes works they end up together(in fairy tales) but usually just two families get destroyed and the two 'hot to trots' end up with nothing
Yes....They end up with a relationship with someone they do not trust even at work....because that is how they started.
You should do what you have been, minus the blatant flirting.....keep it friends only. That is what married folks who love their spouses are supposed to do unless that are the cheating type.
Now, there are many folks that would say perhaps you should limit contact entirely, because having these types of emotions about a woman other than your wife is morally wrong. You also should be aware of the issues that can come up when you get involved with a co-worker.
Personally, I think you should try to spend your emotions on your wife.....putting her in the position to receive your adoration and friendship can only help your marriage, being playful and caring with your wife could make your feelings regarding this other co-worker less threatening.
Also, think about how you would feel if it was your wife playing this way with a co-worker.....that might put your behavior into perspective. Good luck.
JanND: I appreciate your comments and thanks for not bashing me like so many others did!
To everyone else:
I am not happy with this situation at all. I hate it actually. We are all human and unfortunately we feel things that we did not ask to feel.
Do you all think I wanted to developed feelings or have an instant connection with another woman? Of course not, but it happened and I have to deal with it!
We are not going to go to lunch tomorrow, but on Friday and with two other co-workers. That was my call to make and I made it. I will continue to be friendly with her, but I will not allow things to go further. I do not want to ruin my marriage and I will not let that happened!
Like I said I love my wife very much and will not make a dumb decision that will ruin my marriage.
The reality is we are two married people who found full-blown chemistry with one another! Please don't judge us because unless you're in a situation like this you have no idea how difficult it really can be!
I love my wife very much and I am sure she loves her husband very much. I didn't ask to have such a strong connection with this woman, but it is done and it is definitely real!
I've been where you are.
If you truly LOVED your wife, you wouldn't have fostered this other relationship. You wouldn't be sitting here mooning over whether this work woman could be your soul mate.
The truth is that every time you fan the flames of that chemistry with your thoughts and actions, you're cheating your wife out of what she signed up for.
You can keep making excuses all you want, but the truth is that you are married, and you can't keep a foot in both camps. You have to make a decision right now about whether you want to STAY married.
JanND: I appreciate your comments and thanks for not bashing me like so many others did!
To everyone else:
I am not happy with this situation at all. I hate it actually. We are all human and unfortunately we feel things that we did not ask to feel.
Do you all think I wanted to developed feelings or have an instant connection with another woman? Of course not, but it happened and I have to deal with it!
We are not going to go to lunch tomorrow, but on Friday and with two other co-workers. That was my call to make and I made it. I will continue to be friendly with her, but I will not allow things to go further. I do not want to ruin my marriage and I will not let that happened!
Like I said I love my wife very much and will not make a dumb decision that will ruin my marriage.
former ******* and serial cheater here,
If you understand this woman may be a weakness for you, you need to cut her out of your life in the ways that draw you to her and deal with her only in a professional capacity while at work.
The balls one hundred percent in your court. Nothing can happen without you putting yourself in the line of fire with this girl.
If you understand this woman may be a weakness for you, you need to cut her out of your life in the ways that draw you to her and deal with her only in a professional capacity while at work.
Yep, no more lunches, even with other people there as a buffer, and no more "almost hugs" in the break room.
Yep, no more lunches, even with other people there as a buffer, and no more "almost hugs" in the break room.
I will have to admit that not having any more lunches will be extremely tough! I believe I can be in her presence without allowing feelings to overwhelm me. I believe she can too!
Damn so you're married. Interesting you conveniently left that part out. But I'm not gonna rag on you because you are both married, but you should've told us the truth in the beginning. The fact that you omitted that extremely important detail tells me you don't need any advice but a reminder.
Yes you are human and we all have feelings and stuff, but when you get married, this is the kind of stuff you may/may not have to deal with. We all get crushes but this an opportunity for you to learn how to deal with them properly. You know what you need to do with this situation and you were looking for some kind of way to justify how you feel. Cognitive dissonance. We have all dealt with it one time or another. If you had any doubts or had any fears about your relationship with your wife, you shouldn't have gotten married.
If you are committed to your wife and you love her, then do what you need to do to keep this situation from getting out of hand. Limit contact. Only deal with her if it's necessary. If you two decided to have an affair it would only end badly for the both of you. If it's too difficult, you may need to switch jobs all together. If you want to save a marriage, sometimes you have to do things like that.
Last edited by Auraliea; 06-13-2018 at 05:06 PM..
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