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The boyfriend arrived by bus to the OP's residence for their first date, as stated by the OP.
The existence of a bus doesn't equate to a great transit alternative. Either way, there's no need to take offense at the suggestion that her BF isn't taking the initiative to be independent if it doesn't apply to you or the other millions of people in other cities who use transit.
It's a specific situation, and you're trying to apply values that are not relevant to that situation.
The existence of a bus doesn't equate to a great transit alternative. Either way, there's no need to take offense at the suggestion that her BF isn't taking the initiative to be independent if it doesn't apply to you or the other millions of people in other cities who use transit.
It's a specific situation, and you're trying to apply values that are not relevant to that situation.
Several people have suggested that you should dump him. I disagree. It sounds like you have a really solid relationship with this guy. If the biggest and/or only problem is the car situation, then you're doing pretty good.
That said, I can understand your frustration. The car situation has dragged on for too long.
I think you need to just talk to him about it. I realize that you said you've already done that, but it seems like nothing changed. I also realize that you don't want to nag him. This is where it gets tricky -- figuring out how to get your point across without nagging him or ruining your relationship. I'm not sure how to accomplish that, but try to keep in mind the first paragraph of this post.
He is taking advantage... and being nice, giving massages, etc. can also be yours by a guy who has it together and has a car!
I don’t see solid relationship... he prefers to take the bus ?!? Is he a new age hippie? Does anyone do that anymore unless they live in NYC or DC or a city where taking public transport is a snap?
Bad credit?! I smell future troubles, darlin.
You deserve THE BEST. And it usually arrives to pick you up for dates especially on your birthday, in a car, has a decent job and decent credit. Financially secure is important.
All the othe fluff - we get along, he gives me massages, blah blah blah.... is fluff. You posted here looking for confirmation that it was time. It is.
I don't feel that way when he helps me around the house, helps me save money and gives me massages after a long day. I only drive when it involves us.
Well it sounds like there is give and take in your relationship.
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The moral of this thread: Figure it out on your own. Decide what you will and won't put up with. Take the good with the "bad." I guess. Doesn't look like this "issue" is going to be resolved anytime soon.
That's exactly what it is. I find myself looking at other things like career goals, his choice of friends and I even find myself pushing him to set goals etc. I like to bring him around my friends as they're more progressive. I tell him he needs to expand his circle. Ugh just written this all out drains me.
I find posts like this ironic. The men who struggle to be independent sometimes have too easy of an avenue to "get the girl". By contrast, over in Silicon Valley you can find well-educated, high-paid engineers with cars who can't even find a wife because they grossly outnumber the women. On a smaller scale, the same thing happens in "Menver" (or Denver) - more so in Boulder, CO. Just move over there and meet the high-paid, successful engineers. The guy you talk about sounds like a slacker who through some dumb luck manages to "get the girl" but can't even get a car. Can you imagine the other options for dating in a place like Silicon Valley or Menver? There are plenty of guys in Denver or Boulder who drive nice SUVs and trucks that are built for highways and off-road terrain on the Rocky Mountains. A lot of them struggle finding dates because they outnumber the women. In Silicon Valley, it's even worse. Silicon Valley's tech elite are having trouble finding love using dating apps - Business Insider
I find posts like this ironic. The men who struggle to be independent sometimes have too easy of an avenue to "get the girl". By contrast, over in Silicon Valley you can find well-educated, high-paid engineers with cars who can't even find a wife because they grossly outnumber the women. On a smaller scale, the same thing happens in "Menver" (or Denver) - more so in Boulder, CO. Just move over there and meet the high-paid, successful engineers. The guy you talk about sounds like a slacker who through some dumb luck manages to "get the girl" but can't even get a car. Can you imagine the other options for dating in a place like Silicon Valley or Menver? There are plenty of guys in Denver or Boulder who drive nice SUVs and trucks that are built for highways and off-road terrain on the Rocky Mountains. A lot of them struggle finding dates because they outnumber the women. In Silicon Valley, it's even worse. Silicon Valley's tech elite are having trouble finding love using dating apps - Business Insider
That's not why the guys in SV can't find a partner. According to your article,
Quote:
women report feeling turned off by the strange or egotistical men the tech industry can attract.
Also, I can tell you, from the experience of my own younger relatives working in SV, that one reason the guys supposedly can't find a partner is that they're too busy swiping on the apps, instead of socializing with the women working in other departments in their own organizations. The guys aren't talking to the women they see around their work environment on.a regular basis, or at the conferences they attend. Some of these guys seem poorly socialized, and don't know how to relate to women. Look at the scandals that have blown sky-high at places like Uber. Some of the SV guys are not at all friendly or well-disposed toward women.
That's not why the guys in SV can't find a partner. According to your article,
Also, I can tell you, from the experience of my own younger relatives working in SV, that one reason the guys supposedly can't find a partner is that they're too busy swiping on the apps, instead of socializing with the women working in other departments in their own organizations. The guys aren't talking to the women they see around their work environment on.a regular basis, or at the conferences they attend. Some of these guys seem poorly socialized, and don't know how to relate to women. Look at the scandals that have blown sky-high at places like Uber. Some of the SV guys are not at all friendly or well-disposed toward women.
I work in tech and this is very true. There's a small percentage that are relationship material but overall I do not find myself attracted to "techies".
The moral of this thread: Figure it out on your own. Decide what you will and won't put up with. Take the good with the "bad." I guess. Doesn't look like this "issue" is going to be resolved anytime soon.
Is the vibe I'm getting.
Good post and agreed.
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I smell future troubles, darlin. 
