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You might remember me as the woman who was worried about her husband harming himself when she asked for the divorce. Well, here's a new wrinkle.
He has been VERY depressed. On the one hand, he has been begging me to change my mind. On the other hand, he has been bashing me on social media (in closed groups). He even called me the C word on one of them.
He recently said he wanted to "get away" for a few days. Fine with me. He wouldn't tell me where he was going. Ok - whatever.
So, now I find out that he didn't leave town after all. He got a room at the local Four Seasons Hotel with some girl he met on FB who flew cross country to meet up with him.
Should I do anything? Confront him? Tell him that he I thought we agreed to no major purchases during the divorce? (Those rooms aren't cheap). I will have a hard time when he comes back and goes on and on about how I've ruined his life when he has clearly already moved on (part of me is relieved to be honest). By the way, we live in a no-fault state.
Umm, you decided to divorce him (for good reason, it seems), so you're both essentially free to do what you want about seeing other people. He's doing that. I think you'd accomplish nothing other than make yourself look bad - and jealous - that he is moving on faster. His readiness and motives are questionable, but really no longer your concern.
You expect him to remain monogamous while you're in the process of leaving? Once you've informed him you're divorcing him, where he puts it is no longer any of your business.
You two sound like a messed-up couple. Divorce was probably best for both of you, and good luck to you both.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl
You might remember me as the woman who was worried about her husband harming himself when she asked for the divorce. Well, here's a new wrinkle.
He has been VERY depressed. On the one hand, he has been begging me to change my mind. On the other hand, he has been bashing me on social media (in closed groups). He even called me the C word on one of them.
He recently said he wanted to "get away" for a few days. Fine with me. He wouldn't tell me where he was going. Ok - whatever.
So, now I find out that he didn't leave town after all. He got a room at the local Four Seasons Hotel with some girl he met on FB who flew cross country to meet up with him.
Should I do anything? Confront him? Tell him that he I thought we agreed to no major purchases during the divorce? (Those rooms aren't cheap). I will have a hard time when he comes back and goes on and on about how I've ruined his life when he has clearly already moved on (part of me is relieved to be honest). By the way, we live in a no-fault state.
You essentially fired him so he is free to look for other work/women.
You might remember me as the woman who was worried about her husband harming himself when she asked for the divorce. Well, here's a new wrinkle.
He has been VERY depressed. On the one hand, he has been begging me to change my mind. On the other hand, he has been bashing me on social media (in closed groups). He even called me the C word on one of them.
He recently said he wanted to "get away" for a few days. Fine with me. He wouldn't tell me where he was going. Ok - whatever.
So, now I find out that he didn't leave town after all. He got a room at the local Four Seasons Hotel with some girl he met on FB who flew cross country to meet up with him.
Should I do anything? Confront him? Tell him that he I thought we agreed to no major purchases during the divorce? (Those rooms aren't cheap). I will have a hard time when he comes back and goes on and on about how I've ruined his life when he has clearly already moved on (part of me is relieved to be honest). By the way, we live in a no-fault state.
No, don't do anything. Don't say anything. What has your attorney said about starting to separate your finances?
FWIW, he has not clearly moved on. Just because he banged some other chick doesn't mean he's moved on. It was just sex. He has mental health issues, and he's going through the grieving process of your marriage.
In some states, it could still be considered adultery. You’re still married.
My ex h did the same, although he also did it before which is part of why we got divorced.
I understand, it royally pissed me off. It is not the moving on, it is the fact he was doing it right under your nose and you are ... still his wife. It is ine thing to do it, it is another to not even be discreet about it. It is disrespectful IMO.
I didn’t do anything about it, but I understand how you feel. Also, FWIW, in some states you can recoup momey he spent in the other woman while you were still married. Keep good records if he continues and talk to a lawyer. (BtW, just so I am not accused of being a gold digger, I got exactly $0 and did not take my ex to court. I could not affird to. However, if I could have afforded a court divorce, I would have filed fault so that the fact that he cheated was in public record for the next poor woman, who was hearing all about what a great man he was who didn’t do anything and had no idea why I left him. We split our savings in half, and had essentially a mail order divorce. However he continued to spend on this chick for the full two years it took. It was an abusive situation so I just wanted the paperwork done. But. — That is a lot of money!)
And you don’t have to put cheated in quotes, By technical definition, he did.
Keep good records (including his online comments). If he intentionally wastes marital assets just for spite, it may affect his amount in the settlement.
You have a right to look out for your financial wellbeing and to expect that assets be split equitably according to the laws in your state. Added: Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that.
Do not retaliate in kind (not saying you have). At least one of you must be an adult.
Keep good records (including his onlne comments). If he intentionally wastes marital assets just for spite, it may affect his amount in the settlement.
You have a right to look out for your financial wellbeing and to expect that assets be split equitably according to the laws in your state.
Do not retaliate in kind (not saying you have). At least one of you must be an adult.
Bingo. The assumption on here seems to be that because she is leaving, she doesn’t “deserve” to be treated right. Um... she isnt the one who cheated. And yes, it is cheating. The word “married” actually means something, which he clearly didn’t understand. She has every right.
You expect him to remain monogamous while you're in the process of leaving? Once you've informed him you're divorcing him, where he puts it is no longer any of your business.
You two sound like a messed-up couple. Divorce was probably best for both of you, and good luck to you both.
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Once you've informed him you're divorcing him, where he puts it is no longer any of your business.
