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"My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. "
Lolol no.
I saw no reason to "settle" on matters involving aspects of compatibility, attraction and connection.
Did that new guy you met recently, who invites you to hang out with him and his gf, have those qualities? I think, that although some people may have a predominant type they're drawn to, they may occasionally find themselves intrigued by a different combination of characteristics, as well. Or they may discover that an old platonic friend has grown on them, and suddenly they're very into him, in spite of him going against the preferred "type", or whatever. Life is full of surprises.
He had dimples and likes to dress up. So those were pros from a physical sense. But not necessarily the other things. He is a good looking guy, don’t get me wrong. This was more like oh surprise we had tons to say to each other.
At 60, they are having unprotected sex in retirement communities, having multiple partners. Thus the spread of STDs lol So...there's that kind of life to live.
So, again, OP; why are you concerned about what goes on in retirement homes? Do you have a grandparent in one? And why do you care if some men and women settle, and some don't? Why do you focus so much on what other people are doing, if it doesn't affect your life?
Self perception is a key factor in settling
Many 2 people who think they are a ten don’t realize it til they are 60
The downsize of self esteem building
Unrealistic expectations
To translate:
There are many 2/10 people who think they are 10/10 people, so they keep trying and crying, yet they never meet who they covet because they have a mistaken sense of self esteem.
There's a problem here. Looks is a scale 0-10 but IMO a real person has many dimensions of personality, individuality, and you cannot simply say "looks is everything, everything else is nothing."
Just a personal revelation from me, I'm in love with a unique woman and even if it never works out I hope I will always be in her life, hopefully she in mine. I hope it works between us (not looking good but not looking hopeless either) and in the mean time I'll just continue to do what I've been doing - continuing online dating and keeping my account active by reading profiles and sending messages to those who appeal, and being receptive when I'm contacted out of the blue!
I'm pretty sure that OLD will lead to serious, mature people who are verbose and clever in arranging their profile and conducting their OLD site presence, will end up meeting somebody of their same ilk, and probably become a OLD success story.
It doesn't matter how you met. Remember that in wars the victors write the history. In romance it is exactly the same. He meets her, she meets him, they decide they both attract for all the right reasons, and they get out of the online dating scene. — How they met can later become a cute, endearing story they can share with friends and family. Come on! Everybody loves an OLD story that became true!
That's what happens when two people fall in love and forget all this "settling" stuff. Maybe it's my fairy tale that life could have been this simple. I hasn't yet. I'm upscale and I'm positive.
I don't see any reason to settle for someone I'm not "really" into, just because they may otherwise be a decent person. Nor would I want someone to do that to me.
To me, it's not just about physical attraction, it's also about chemistry, their personality, our common interests, goals and life plans, being able to successfully mesh and balance out our differences, having a strong bond/connection, etc. It wasn't about finding someone who was perfect, it was about finding the one who was perfect for me. IMO, that's what matters.
We're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, because we like what we like, so when that happens it's best to find someone who wants you in the same way you want them.
I feel like I'm the only guy chiming in here with any sense. The other guys are making the situation way too superficial. I've turned down women for lack of physical or intellectual attraction and vice versa.
You bring up the point that I mentioned earlier. Sometimes we just like what we like. I do believe you can fall in love with a person that actually fell outside the parameters you were initially looking for or always found yourself attracted to. However, I do think you need a little help from life to make those situations happen. For one, I think this can happen in scenarios where you're either working with a person or just see them on a regular basis. Like, do you get coffee every Friday at your favorite coffee shop for cheat day and he/she is always there to help you and you have good conversation talking briefly about how each other's week is going. Do you end up working out at a cross-fit style gym and see them every Tuesday and Thursday mornings and you can build up friendly relationship that can turn romantic that way.
I feel like in order to date and fall for a person outside your typical norm takes a bit more help than what meeting someone online can give you. I've fallen for many different types of women when I met them outside the confines of online dating or dating apps. Online dating does make it easy to drill down your criteria, because if that person isn't what you're looking for, there's many other people behind them.
Don't be silly you aren't the only man who feels that! And those gym workouts, Zumba, and yoga classes were so fantastic!
I purposely set all my religion, race, etc. settings to no preference and no importance because I just wanted to read profiles of interesting women and get a hint of what they look like in real life. For the record I have never yet met any woman who wasn't at least twice as good looking in real life compared to her profile pic!!!
I have met much more interesting women in OLD than ever when life was real. And I'm ready to make my move when I see the right couple. I'm pretty sure this will work for me!
It's true; when you question some of the guys who say no women will go out with them, you find out they occasionally get hit on by women, but oh, they're not attracted to those women, so they don't count. They want the women they're attracted to, to respond positively toward them.
Well, hello? Welcome to Life. Most people deal with that. Mutual attraction is the Holy Grail. And even when you find it, that doesn't mean the person will prove to be compatible. Nobody said life, and partnering, are easy. It makes me wonder what the whiner guys have as a model; where do they get the idea that everyone but them has it easy? Or that women are the only ones who turn people down, and have preferences?
That's a good point! Nothing worth having is easy.
Absolutely true and so are a lot of other choices. Such as: an elderly lady having fun, traveling, or just doing the things she likes. Or a lady who likes to take lovers but doesn't have to make a commitment. Or marrying later. Or anything, really. Men have many options too, of course. But the old threat of "you'll wind up alone with your cats" doesn't have the same impact it did decades ago because these are no longer the ONLY two options: 1. get married...to whomever...and live with it, whatever it ends up being, or 2. be an old weird lady dressing her cats up like infants and talking to them while listening to the creaking sounds of her ovaries drying.
So the Old Cat Lady thing...I don't know...it's just not the same fear-inducing thing it would have been 60 years ago. Being older and alone and having fun, and doing what one wants without responsibility to another person can actually be a breath of fresh air to some, and is an option as well.
I don't know how you define 'elderly' but I hope it isn't the fashionable 62+ years old senior citizens.
We 62+ are having a pretty good time!
And even better, many of us have a 0 hours/week work schedule and 52 weeks/year vacation plan!
So, again, OP; why are you concerned about what goes on in retirement homes? Do you have a grandparent in one? And why do you care if some men and women settle, and some don't? Why do you focus so much on what other people are doing, if it doesn't affect your life?
What's with the third degree? This isn't about me.
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