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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
I have issues with two of these.
1. He forever uses caution.
What the hell is wrong with this? Yes, I’m going to be careful after heartbreak to make sure I can avoid it if possible. Sue me.
3. He is void of emotion.
Not sorry, I’m just not an emotional person. I won’t even try to fake it. I’m NOT sorry that the only times I’ve cried in the last decades were when my father and close friend died within months of each other. I don’t apologize for being hard because growing up where I did made me hard. Again, sue me.
I am a broken man. I lost my wife of 38 years to cancer. Its been almost 2 years and I tried a few dates awhile ago but have lost interest. On the edge emotionally would be an understatement. I can be making jokes one minute and crying the next. I would not wish this on anyone.
I met 2 women online. One was very nice but I think a co-dependent. She went back to her abusive drunk boyfriend. Kind of sucks to think you are not a better choice than a drunken abuser. The other had lots of past issues and really threw herself at me. Desperation is not a nice word to use but that is how it felt. I am not interested in someone who will do anything to pry her way into my life before we even know each other. I think she was not as interested in me as a person as she was interested in the life I could provide for her. I guess she saw me as an escape.
I have not dated since and my longest conversation lately has been with the girl who fills my prescriptions. At the moment I am just feeling like there is no one that can compete with the ghost I dream about every night. At my age very few have taken really good care of themselves. And after what I have gone thru there is no way I would even consider someone who was not in excellent health. I can't do that again.
I built this big ole house and now its empty except for me. It is lonely as hell. But I am afraid I will make a mistake out of loneliness or desire and be in a position to have to end it with someone and give her some heartbreak also.
I have very little experience dating so I really don't know how it works anymore. I dated my wife because we were attracted to each other. I married her because we got along very well and we stayed together because we enjoyed each others company. It was so simple back then. Now there is estates and wills and powers of attorneys and assets and heirs to deal with. Common law? Don't get me started.
Maybe this is why a lot of women won't date widowers? We are emotionally wrecked and much more tentative when it comes to any kind of commitment.
I do keep myself busy and try to see the humor in life when I can. But the thrill and excitement is long gone.
I
I built this big ole house and now its empty except for me. It is lonely as hell.
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad never remarried either after mom passed away.
I know how difficult it can be coming home to a large home with nothing in it except "stuff". It must be even worse for someone like you who was actually married and had a true partner for nearly 4 decades....
I am a broken man. I lost my wife of 38 years to cancer. Its been almost 2 years and I tried a few dates awhile ago but have lost interest. On the edge emotionally would be an understatement. I can be making jokes one minute and crying the next. I would not wish this on anyone.
I met 2 women online. One was very nice but I think a co-dependent. She went back to her abusive drunk boyfriend. Kind of sucks to think you are not a better choice than a drunken abuser. The other had lots of past issues and really threw herself at me. Desperation is not a nice word to use but that is how it felt. I am not interested in someone who will do anything to pry her way into my life before we even know each other. I think she was not as interested in me as a person as she was interested in the life I could provide for her. I guess she saw me as an escape.
I have not dated since and my longest conversation lately has been with the girl who fills my prescriptions. At the moment I am just feeling like there is no one that can compete with the ghost I dream about every night. At my age very few have taken really good care of themselves. And after what I have gone thru there is no way I would even consider someone who was not in excellent health. I can't do that again.
I built this big ole house and now its empty except for me. It is lonely as hell. But I am afraid I will make a mistake out of loneliness or desire and be in a position to have to end it with someone and give her some heartbreak also.
I have very little experience dating so I really don't know how it works anymore. I dated my wife because we were attracted to each other. I married her because we got along very well and we stayed together because we enjoyed each others company. It was so simple back then. Now there is estates and wills and powers of attorneys and assets and heirs to deal with. Common law? Don't get me started.
Maybe this is why a lot of women won't date widowers? We are emotionally wrecked and much more tentative when it comes to any kind of commitment.
I do keep myself busy and try to see the humor in life when I can. But the thrill and excitement is long gone.
38 years? You have quite a few more years of grieving before you can even try to move on from that kind of history. Youre doing the right thing, it doesnt have to happen now. As lonely as it is, there probably wont be many out there that can fill your wifes shoes.
I am a broken man. I lost my wife of 38 years to cancer. Its been almost 2 years and I tried a few dates awhile ago but have lost interest. On the edge emotionally would be an understatement. I can be making jokes one minute and crying the next. I would not wish this on anyone.
I'm sorry you're going through this, Steve. I agree that's is still early in the grieving stage to get over something traumatic - losing a spouse to an illness.
A dear friend told me his story about losing his son. He said at the time of losing his son, he was beyond heartbroken and terrified. Heartbroken and terrified not because he lost his son, but with enough time he will get past it and find solace.
Time will make things better, Steve. Hang in there.
Prior to marriage as a young man I had a relationship with a lady I thought was everything. And when it went south I was devastated/heartbroken as the article states. Back them there was no internet and it was not so easy to meet people. Either friends introduce friends or its the cold approach. And if you are even just a little bit shy or lacking any confidence, it just was not going to happen for you. The cold approach was a major barrier.
This is where it might be easier for women than it is for men to get over heartbreak. Women get lots of offers, opportunities because enough men have the confidence to approach them. For men, we have to make it happen, we have to find our game as this generation calls it. So many of us have zero game due to fear of rejection. The internet makes it a lot easier to get passed that.
I have a friend who after two bad marriages in his younger years, he completely gave up. Joined the army and spent 30 years getting away from it. He is still single, never dates or even mentions women. I think he took the heartbreak to the extreme. Never again.
My own case, I am just fine about 95 % of the time. The other times I seem to have difficulty with the permanence of all of this. Men do get their hearts broke all the time. We just learned to hide it very well.
Prior to marriage as a young man I had a relationship with a lady I thought was everything. And when it went south I was devastated/heartbroken as the article states. Back them there was no internet and it was not so easy to meet people. Either friends introduce friends or its the cold approach. And if you are even just a little bit shy or lacking any confidence, it just was not going to happen for you. The cold approach was a major barrier.
This is where it might be easier for women than it is for men to get over heartbreak. Women get lots of offers, opportunities because enough men have the confidence to approach them. For men, we have to make it happen, we have to find our game as this generation calls it. So many of us have zero game due to fear of rejection. The internet makes it a lot easier to get passed that.
I have a friend who after two bad marriages in his younger years, he completely gave up. Joined the army and spent 30 years getting away from it. He is still single, never dates or even mentions women. I think he took the heartbreak to the extreme. Never again.
My own case, I am just fine about 95 % of the time. The other times I seem to have difficulty with the permanence of all of this. Men do get their hearts broke all the time. We just learned to hide it very well.
Yes but Steve I think the article is talking about what if you had taken what happened as you said in the bolded above and then when you met your wife you never opened yourself up to her? If you had never opened your heart like the guys described in the article don't (Never!)? Then you would not have had the relationship with your wife that you had. But clearly you were not like these guys. When you got a woman in front of you who was great and wanted to be with you, you didn't hold back.
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