Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
They are married so it is not “his” house, it is their house. I would want to know how long this friend plans to stay. There should be an end point. Marriage is about compromise. Don’t feel guilty if you are not comfortable with the arrangement.
If she only “visits” twice a month and got all uppity about a blanket, they will have a tough row to hoe whenever she DOES move in.
The OP sees the house as hers. She is married to the man. And she is opposed to another man - an interloper - having his life in her house which she shares with her husband even if she is present only occasionally due to immigration problems.
I think people are coming down too hard on the OP. I didn't catch if the roommate guy is paying to live there.
She sees the roommate guy as interfering in her marriage relationship and even using her things, the pillow and blanket.
Maybe the roommate guy is interfering too in the emotional relationship she has and wants with her husband.
Who wants a third person in the marriage relationship and who wants a roommate in a marriage relationship - not many people.
I don't believe you're overreacting at all. You don't know what the friend is doing when you're not there, and you had the evidence that he used your personal blanket and pillow before, which is just creepy.
Why does your husband want his friend to live with him? It sounds very juvenile. Is he afraid of being alone, or is there some financial incentive, or does he just like to play bachelor with a friend?
I would tell him it bothers you and I hope you can move in asap.
The OP sees the house as hers. She is married to the man. And she is opposed to another man - an interloper - having his life in her house which she shares with her husband even if she is present only occasionally due to immigration problems.
I think people are coming down too hard on the OP. I didn't catch if the roommate guy is paying to live there.
She sees the roommate guy as interfering in her marriage relationship and even using her things, the pillow and blanket.
Maybe the roommate guy is interfering too in the emotional relationship she has and wants with her husband.
Who wants a third person in the marriage relationship and who wants a roommate in a marriage relationship - not many people.
Thank you for understanding. No, the friend isnt paying my husband. My husband feels sorry for him because he's broke and can't find a place at the moment, and I guess he enjoys the company. I do feel like his house is my house as we are married, I go live there frequently, and actively maintain it. I had no issue with him staying for 2 weeks. But it has no been over a month, and the house no longer feels personal to me. I feel like I'm a roommate now everytime that I visit.
So my husband and I got married a year ago, but I haven't been able to move in with him yet as the immigration process hasn't completed. I do, however, visit frequently (about twice a month). A month and a half ago, he asked me if one of his close friends could stay at his place. I said that was okay as long as whenever I came the house was clean. The first time I went since his friend was staying, the house was disgusting, my blanket and pillow was on the couch (which meant his friend had been using them) - so I got very annoyed. Since then, every time I have gone the house has been clean, however I am still very uncomfortable with the idea of his friend still not leaving. My husband thinks I have no reason to be uncomfortable since I get the place clean, and his friend leaves when I come to visit. But I constantly worry about the maintenance of my house and just don't feel good about it. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be?
I think you are overreacting. You aren't really living there. And I am guessing you have not contributed to the mortgage at all. If you want your new husband to resent you, keep nagging and complaining.
I would tell him it is all good as long as that guy is moving out when you actually move in.
I think you are overreacting. You aren't really living there. And I am guessing you have not contributed to the mortgage at all. If you want your new husband to resent you, keep nagging and complaining.
I would tell him it is all good as long as that guy is moving out when you actually move in.
This. The guy isn't even underfoot when she visits. He now goes elsewhere, leaving a clean apartment behind.
Only a month? I think the OP's husband is a prince of a guy. She's not there at the moment, and he's offering a place for his friend to get back on his feet. As long as the other guy isn't taking advantage of the situation, it's a sign of generosity and caring. You know, the qualities one would want to help any long-term relationship succeed.
Meanwhile, OP, I got to say that you sound territorial and a bit petty. Is this guy hanging out in his wifebeaters and boxers watching TV and slurping beer while you visit? If not, then why is this such a huge problem?
They are married so it is not “his” house, it is their house. I would want to know how long this friend plans to stay. There should be an end point. Marriage is about compromise. Don’t feel guilty if you are not comfortable with the arrangement.
This. ^^^
OP, you and your husband need to have a discussion about your current house guest and his situation. Two weeks has already turned into a month. A month stay could easily turn into a year or more. BTDT. Not an ideal situation at all... and the longer he stays the more awkward it will be to get him to leave.
It's great that he wants to help a friend out, but as stated in the quote above, there needs to be a definite departure date.
I for one am confused about the exact living arrangements which I think were a bit carelessly described in the OP.
But...
She is a newlywed and she's just began a new, strange relationship where she needs her man (and he should need her), and she has this strange man infringing on her territory.
Just to make myself clear, if I were in such a serious relationship (not marriage but nearly as) there would be only our territory, mine and hers together, and it be pretty damned okay with both of us who gets to infringe.
No way would I infringe one of my friends on my woman except at perhaps social occasions like dining out.
I vote to dump "three's company!"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
