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So my husband and I got married a year ago, but I haven't been able to move in with him yet as the immigration process hasn't completed. I do, however, visit frequently (about twice a month). A month and a half ago, he asked me if one of his close friends could stay at his place. I said that was okay as long as whenever I came the house was clean. The first time I went since his friend was staying, the house was disgusting, my blanket and pillow was on the couch (which meant his friend had been using them) - so I got very annoyed. Since then, every time I have gone the house has been clean, however I am still very uncomfortable with the idea of his friend still not leaving. My husband thinks I have no reason to be uncomfortable since I get the place clean, and his friend leaves when I come to visit. But I constantly worry about the maintenance of my house and just don't feel good about it. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be?
So my husband and I got married a year ago, but I haven't been able to move in with him yet as the immigration process hasn't completed. I do, however, visit frequently (about twice a month). A month and a half ago, he asked me if one of his close friends could stay at his place. I said that was okay as long as whenever I came the house was clean. The first time I went since his friend was staying, the house was disgusting, my blanket and pillow was on the couch (which meant his friend had been using them) - so I got very annoyed. Since then, every time I have gone the house has been clean, however I am still very uncomfortable with the idea of his friend still not leaving. My husband thinks I have no reason to be uncomfortable since I get the place clean, and his friend leaves when I come to visit. But I constantly worry about the maintenance of my house and just don't feel good about it. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be?
You're overreacting.
So the place was a mess exactly once? And the rest of the time, the house was in apple pie order?
So my husband and I got married a year ago, but I haven't been able to move in with him yet as the immigration process hasn't completed. I do, however, visit frequently (about twice a month). A month and a half ago, he asked me if one of his close friends could stay at his place. I said that was okay as long as whenever I came the house was clean. The first time I went since his friend was staying, the house was disgusting, my blanket and pillow was on the couch (which meant his friend had been using them) - so I got very annoyed. Since then, every time I have gone the house has been clean, however I am still very uncomfortable with the idea of his friend still not leaving. My husband thinks I have no reason to be uncomfortable since I get the place clean, and his friend leaves when I come to visit. But I constantly worry about the maintenance of my house and just don't feel good about it. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be?
My mom would say you are being a little too big for your britches. I mean, it's HIS house. I can't believe he had to ASK your permission to have a friend stay.
Yes, you are overreacting, and your attitude doesn't bode well for living with someone.
So my husband and I got married a year ago, but I haven't been able to move in with him yet as the immigration process hasn't completed. I do, however, visit frequently (about twice a month). A month and a half ago, he asked me if one of his close friends could stay at his place. I said that was okay as long as whenever I came the house was clean. The first time I went since his friend was staying, the house was disgusting, my blanket and pillow was on the couch (which meant his friend had been using them) - so I got very annoyed. Since then, every time I have gone the house has been clean, however I am still very uncomfortable with the idea of his friend still not leaving. My husband thinks I have no reason to be uncomfortable since I get the place clean, and his friend leaves when I come to visit. But I constantly worry about the maintenance of my house and just don't feel good about it. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be?
Let it be.
The house was messy one time. The blanket and pillowcase can be washed. Or you can buy new ones and store in a closet when you're not there.
Does the friend know that when you (permanently) move in, he moves out? Why does maintenance of the house constantly worry you? That's not really something worth being constantly worried about.
My mom would say you are being a little too big for your britches. I mean, it's HIS house. I can't believe he had to ASK your permission to have a friend stay.
Yes, you are overreacting, and your attitude doesn't bode well for living with someone.
^^^ This. And you seems to be very controlling, OP.
My mom would say you are being a little too big for your britches. I mean, it's HIS house. I can't believe he had to ASK your permission to have a friend stay.
Yes, you are overreacting, and your attitude doesn't bode well for living with someone.
No kidding.
Mind you, I don't believe in the 'This is mine and that is yours' approach to relationships. At the same time, if I were the husband, I would be thinking, "Dear God. The rest of my life could be like this."
My mom would say you are being a little too big for your britches. I mean, it's HIS house. I can't believe he had to ASK your permission to have a friend stay.
Yes, you are overreacting, and your attitude doesn't bode well for living with someone.
They are married so it is not “his” house, it is their house. I would want to know how long this friend plans to stay. There should be an end point. Marriage is about compromise. Don’t feel guilty if you are not comfortable with the arrangement.
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