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I definitely think one person tends to care more than the other, and it's usually the woman who cares more, from all the relationships I see as an observer. And that's what seems to work best in relationships. The woman tends to have no idea she cares more, even though it's pretty obvious to me, and they excuse it by saying what you mentioned--or some form of it--i.e. that the man shows he cares differently. In relationships where the man cares more, it seems like this almost never works out. It just seems like it bothers women when the man is the one who is more affectionate, more verbal about his feelings, wanting to spend more time together, etc. Again, this seems to be something most women don't realize.
This has been my observation too and my has been own experience.
Yes this is true. I believe in every relationship there is always one partner who cares or loves the other partner more than that person really cares about them. The only time I have seen two people who are equal in their love for each other is in the movies and we all know what an accurate portrayal of real life that is...
I definitely think one person tends to care more than the other, and it's usually the woman who cares more, from all the relationships I see as an observer. And that's what seems to work best in relationships. The woman tends to have no idea she cares more, even though it's pretty obvious to me, and they excuse it by saying what you mentioned--or some form of it--i.e. that the man shows he cares differently. In relationships where the man cares more, it seems like this almost never works out. It just seems like it bothers women when the man is the one who is more affectionate, more verbal about his feelings, wanting to spend more time together, etc. Again, this seems to be something most women don't realize.
I'm a lesbian, and I have always been the one who cares more. I realize it, have pretty much always realized it, and I hate it tremendously. It's just horrible to not have someone care about and love you the way you care about/love them. It's one reason why I might never date again--I just do not want another relationship that's like that, and I'm not sure how to not have one that's like that without playing games, i.e. intentionally holding back. I want life-changing, transcendent emotion coming from both of us and the ability to be completely honest and showy about my feelings, and it just seems like most women don't like/appreciate this the way TV and movies would have you believe.
In my lifetime relationship statistics, I have fallen in love or experienced passionate feelings intensely, for 6 men and 1 woman. People who have fallen for me like that: 14, all male. There were additional others where no one did. And only one who overlaps both categories where we are both very in love at the same time (we're still together.)
And I still believe that one mostly worked out, because we did what you describe which I always thought of as "playing games" too, we didn't grab that tiger by the tail and go plummeting fast into the bonfire. We behaved lovingly to each other, but by the point, months in, where I finally really caught the feels for him, he was there with me. The time, taking it slow, really seemed to help. But I was guarding my heart somewhat. When we first got together, I was of the opinion that I didn't want "committed" relationships, I was trying to keep people at some distance. I feel like maybe it just took time for my walls to come down, because I'd been through a lot of bad stuff. I was scared to feel too much. Tired of hurting.
I've heard and read that generally there's always one person who cares more in and about the relationship than the other. In fact, I once saw a romcom in which someone said that the person who cares the least has the most power, presumably because they're less afraid to walk.
Do you agree, or do you think that people simply have different ways of showing they care -- some more conspicuous than others?
Yes...of course - technically, things are never equal. But they may be equal enough that it doesn't really matter in practical terms.
And yes, the person who cares less has the power - for one thing, they are either satisfied with the status quo and feel no need to change to meet their partner's needs or desires....or they care less and are freer to move on to someone else. It's an economics perspective like when you're bargaining with someone - if you don't mind walking away then you've got the power.
One person caring more than the other just seems off to me when it comes to long term relationships. FWBs or casually dating okay. The mutual caring might not be there since you're either not that serious or still getting to know each other. If both parties involved decide to go long term, I would think caring would be mutual and reciprocal by that point. I mean why get into a long term deal if the caring and love is unrequited? I know there's no way to read the other person's mind to see exactly how they feel about you and it takes a heck of a lot faith when it comes to these things, but it just seems... stupid.
Stupid to not know what you're signing up for.
Stupid to be involved with someone who isn't as invested as you are.
Stupid to care about someone who doesn't give a crap about you.
As for people having different ways of showing that they care, it wouldn't hurt to figure those out before someone is left bitter or heartbroken.
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