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Whatever happened to just posting a regular photo of a person NOT doing anything but just looking at the camera and smiling??
1.Tired of seeing posts of a guy with his kid or kids
2.Photo where it's a group picture posted as the MAIN photo so you're having to guess who the guy is BUT then of course he has a 2nd photo of just HIM but by then,,,you were already attracted to one of the guys in the group photo lol
3. Photo that is animated and nothing else
This is why it's much better to NOT do online dating.Going out there and seeing face to face in their natural environment is always the best way to go.
I honestly didn't mind too much if a man had a pic or two with his kids. I don't necessarily think it's ideal or very wise, but there's always a chance some guy's teenager told him "Hey, you look good in this picture of us" and suggested he use it, and so he did.
One thing I liked about POF was the rule that your main profile picture was supposed to have your face clearly visible. Nope, not everyone followed the rule, but it was simple enough to scroll right on past those that didn't.
It's been a while since I got offline, but one pic I still remember truly made me shudder.... In my head, I captioned it as "Last thing she saw before she was brutally dismembered". There was another dude standing with his old white van, and all I could think was "Free candy, anyone?" Then there was the Glamour Shot in the 70s aviator shades...the inevitable guy with his big fish.... So many truly bad pictures.
And yes, I did share some of them with my friends.
But... pictures weren't the beginning and end of what I considered. I dated more than one guy whose pictures were less than optimal, but their profile and/or messaging was engaging. That includes my current SO. I wasn't enchanted by his pictures, but I did feel like he engaged me as a real person and not just a piece of meat. And so far, so good.
As far as the "go meet people IRL" trope? That doesn't work all that well for some of us. Some of us are introverts with RBF who don't give off an available vibe. OK, maybe just me. Add to that living in the boonies, not having a large circle of friends because you were new to the area post-divorce, retired so not adding to friends and acquaintances that way, etc.... OLD was really the only practical option for me. I wasn't opposed to meeting people the old-fashioned way, it just never happened, not even as I expanded my small local social circle. Ironically, the first and only comment by a friend that maybe I should meet a male friend of hers was after I was ensconced in my current relationship.... So it goes. I did OLD and I am happy with the result.
It's been a while since I got offline, but one pic I still remember truly made me shudder.... In my head, I captioned it as "Last thing she saw before she was brutally dismembered". There was another dude standing with his old white van, and all I could think was "Free candy, anyone?" Then there was the Glamour Shot in the 70s aviator shades...the inevitable guy with his big fish.... So many truly bad pictures.
And yes, I did share some of them with my friends.
But... pictures weren't the beginning and end of what I considered. I dated more than one guy whose pictures were less than optimal, but their profile and/or messaging was engaging. That includes my current SO. I wasn't enchanted by his pictures, but I did feel like he engaged me as a real person and not just a piece of meat. And so far, so good.
Ann I just love your stories so much! I'm laughing as I type over, "Last thing she saw before she was brutally dismembered!"
You are an OLD success story. I'm an OLD success story that I'm getting as many quality dates as I can handle (two OLD sites) and with such nice women and constantly new introductions I just don't see how I can fail to eventually meet my significant other.
I'm pretty sure women have it far worse on OLD sites. I can only wonder, if a woman posted the "social butterfly" profile (yeah we know you love animals) and just one head shot, absolutely no personal information... Is she really justified in being mad if she attracts creeps?
I'm not a creep and I blow past profiles like that, block them if I have time. The guys that linger on those defective profiles have only one criterion: female. Then the woman gets mad because "woman" is the only thing potential dates know about her.
People get as good results off of OLD sites as the effort they put into their profile including several or a dozen pictures, clever or witty but definitely positive profile (it's your advertisement!) and then follow up with communications. And this is NOT the place for women to wait to be contacted. We are all there for the same thing. There is no shame in contacting somebody and telling them you like their profile. Personalize your communications, canned stuff doesn't count.
Ann I just love your stories so much! I'm laughing as I type over, "Last thing she saw before she was brutally dismembered!"
You are an OLD success story. I'm an OLD success story that I'm getting as many quality dates as I can handle (two OLD sites) and with such nice women and constantly new introductions I just don't see how I can fail to eventually meet my significant other.
I'm pretty sure women have it far worse on OLD sites. I can only wonder, if a woman posted the "social butterfly" profile (yeah we know you love animals) and just one head shot, absolutely no personal information... Is she really justified in being mad if she attracts creeps?
I'm not a creep and I blow past profiles like that, block them if I have time. The guys that linger on those defective profiles have only one criterion: female. Then the woman gets mad because "woman" is the only thing potential dates know about her.
People get as good results off of OLD sites as the effort they put into their profile including several or a dozen pictures, clever or witty but definitely positive profile (it's your advertisement!) and then follow up with communications. And this is NOT the place for women to wait to be contacted. We are all there for the same thing. There is no shame in contacting somebody and telling them you like their profile. Personalize your communications, canned stuff doesn't count.
Younger women may have it easier, I don't know. But I had a variety of photos, face, body, and engaged in activities I enjoy. I put thought into what I wrote, and a little humor. When I took the initiative, it was always about something specific in their profile, or something indicating a common interest in their pictures. I ignored fewer first messages TO me than men ignored messages I sent... So it goes, the opposite of what these younger dudes here insist it goes...
But, in the end, something panned out for me, so it was all worth it. I would do it again if the SO and I split up, but not happily. It's a means to an end, not really fun for me. But it worked.
There are so many bizarre/horrible/WTF photos on the apps in my area that my friends and I have started a chat just to exchange screenshots. Some of us have come across or even matched with the same guys.
In front of a gross bathroom mirror, or with a messy bathroom behind you. At least close the shower curtain.
Disguises and costumes. In every pic.
Absurd facial hair that obscures what your face even looks like.
Photos with no face.
Photos with your kids.
Photos with a (ex?) gf or wife.
No smiles in any photos.
Every photo is blurry or fuzzy. No excuse for that these days. This means it's an old pic.
Younger women may have it easier, I don't know. But I had a variety of photos, face, body, and engaged in activities I enjoy. I put thought into what I wrote, and a little humor. When I took the initiative, it was always about something specific in their profile, or something indicating a common interest in their pictures. I ignored fewer first messages TO me than men ignored messages I sent... So it goes, the opposite of what these younger dudes here insist it goes...
But, in the end, something panned out for me, so it was all worth it. I would do it again if the SO and I split up, but not happily. It's a means to an end, not really fun for me. But it worked.
I send far more messages than I ever get back. I figure it's sort of like posting concert flyers. You get the message out there and then when you get replies back they are high value most of the time.
Oh and yeah you described my profile too. We're both smart people. We'd come up with the same kind of profile: witty profile expressing positivity in a good way, and a variety of activity pictures behind a good head shot. I'm into art and music so I included one of my art drawings and a shot of my new guitar.
Anybody who tried OLD and didn't work either had a structural problem (location) or had a stupid profile. Or more often, no profile.
My ex dated a woman, where their very first date was her kid's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. And even after she "friend-zoned" him (his words) she would occasionally call and ask if he might be willing to transport one of her several children across town for some activity since she was busy or working or something. They did not date long, and I don't feel she knew him well enough for that level of trust, the whole thing was nuts to me.
I got an explanation: It's the wrong kind of "trust". She couldn't have trusted him to have a strong moral compass---she didn't know him long enough to determine that---but rather believed he was too "nice" to do damage to her kids, let alone a full-grown woman like her. It obviously goes without saying she didn't feel any sexual attraction to him. So it was wrong of her to ask him to chauffeur her kids around.
All this also raises the question: Shouldn't be kids' father be doing the driving at least half the time? If not, is Chad Thunderpenis the father?
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 06-27-2018 at 02:19 PM..
I got an explanation: It's the wrong kind of "trust". She couldn't have trusted him to have a strong moral compass---she didn't know him long enough to determine that---but rather believed he was too "nice" to do damage to her kids, let alone a full-grown woman like her. It obviously goes without saying she didn't feel any sexual attraction to him. So it was wrong of her to ask him to chauffeur her kids around.
All this also raises the question: Shouldn't be kids' father be doing the driving at least half the time? If not, is Chad Thunderpenis the father?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg
My ex is a belligerent gun toting lunatic dude. He is not "nice." If she thought that...well let's just say that my already questionable opinion of her intelligence has dropped another notch.
Though I suppose if you're caught up in the love bombing stage of his toxic narcissism maybe, you might think he is "nice" if you don't really know what "psycho" looks like, or "stage 5 clinger."
Speaking of OLD photo stories! When we broke up and we were starting to get on OLD, he wanted me to take his pictures, edit them, and write his profile for him. Pfff... The funny thing is, I tried, but even I had a hard time making him look like anything but a serial killer.
I've seen too many to remember but I hate the ones where the guy is standing in front of an expensive car, boat or motorcycle like he thinks women are impressed by that. I've even seen one guy in front of a plane. Or he's holding some poor dead animal he just shot because I'm a cave woman and will realize he is a good provider. How about the guy who only shows his face or he's not wearing a shirt and doing something stupid.
If I saw a guy standing in front of a plane, I'd ask if that's his plane. If so, maybe there would be a lot of 3 day vacations to various places in my near future.
We have a Harley, so if he's standing in front of a bike, I'd know we had something in common. A boat? Cool! I love lakes, rivers, etc. I love boating.
If he's a hunter, than I know he'll be totally unavailable certain times of the year.
To me, these things are indications of his interests. I'd be happy to see them.
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