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I think she has a lot on her plate and maybe she feels she doesn't want to burden you with it?
She may feel like she needs to do it all on her own.
Have a big sit down with her.
Life is full of ups and downs, good times and bad times.
If you are serious about this gal, let her know she can lean on you.
Does she need help with money?
She is a teacher.
She owns her own home.
That shows responsibility.
Is she not getting teacher checks over the summer though?
If her ex is trying to drop child support this is probably really bad timing.
She may need some help getting by til school starts again.
Is there a plan within the school system where she can break her checks up between 12 months instead?
I am crazy about her and I want to be supportive. Unfortunately I don’t think I can have a big sit down with her right now, she seems too stressed out with the court thing. I don’t even know when that’s gonna be as she just returned the subpoena form yesterday. I think any heavy talks would only frustrate her more right now and add stress. I’ll give it a few weeks to hear from her and then try to touch base. I let her know I’m here when she’s ready to talk and I know she’s got a lot on her mind now.
I haven’t asked about her summer pay situation, but from what she did say - she would be able to take money out of 401k or something if necessary.
Thanks for your ideas though, I appreciate the attitude of not just saying give up or there’s too much drama. I also realize there’s inherent drama in life and you can’t run from all of it. The fact that we’ve been crazy about each other up until this happened, I realize it probably wasn’t the few fights, it’s the level of stress she can handle right now. I’ve been in a really toxic relationship, some pretty good ones, and this one was the happiest I can remember. I remember feeling In the past when dating a single mother, the kid stuff was sort of a burden. This time I’m really enjoying it, and I want to do more to help without her even asking. I take care of things that need fixing around her house without suggestion, etc. She would cook and treat me like I wanted to be treated. We even discussed the possibility of us having a kid in the future if things go well. I’ll just give her some space to clear her mind and hope for the best.
It just might be that your relationship isn't solid enough at this point that you are more of a distraction than a comfort.
Yep.
OP, you two have been playing house.
Now she is deep in some real-life crap, but you are not on a "spouse" level of emotional support. You have to back off and just be patient to see if she catches up.
Now she is deep in some real-life crap, but you are not on a "spouse" level of emotional support. You have to back off and just be patient to see if she catches up.
Be ready to accept that she may never, though.
Good points. Well said. And her "real life crap" also includes physical pain. Exhaustion. A full time job- 2 actually
..the teaching job and the baby.
If you want to stick by her, you can be supportive without being smothering. It sounds like you are making a sincere effort to show her that very thing.
Why would you put up with being an afterthought? Especially to a poor single mom who's more than likely going to try and use you to help support her kid. I don't know why so many men put up with this.
Good points. Well said. And her "real life crap" also includes physical pain. Exhaustion. A full time job- 2 actually
..the teaching job and the baby.
If you want to stick by her, you can be supportive without being smothering. It sounds like you are making a sincere effort to show her that very thing.
I do want to stick by her, I don’t want to be the cause of more stress right now, and I realize now, maybe the feelings I was expressing that she was being withdrawn, while valid, might’ve been bad timing. I wish there was more I could do than just tell her I’m giving her space. But I think that’s best until she initiates contact or needs help in some way. Those were the signals she gave me, so hopefully she doesn’t take it as not being there for her.
You'd be surprised. There are quite a few women out there, at 40 with no kids. Many never were interested in having kids. Some haven't met the right guy. Others have been busy going to school, getting advanced degrees, then getting established in a career. IDK if this is difficult for some people to believe, but it actually IS possible to go through 25 of one's childbearing years, without giving birth. lol. It's really not that hard.
When Men have a zero tolerance for baby momma drama in this country, the reproduction habits will change and become more responsible.
That won't happen any time soon. For some a babymama/babydaddy (even multiples) is a status symbol.
But of course men can and should bag it up.
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