Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
They only need to walk into a bar, or set a good dating profile up with flattering pics and they'll be inundated with offers.
The whole social construct of men having to do the approaching tilts the balance so far in favour of women when it comes to options for the average person.
The issue for women is they aren't always deemed good options, they typically won't be. Women get fed up with guys messaging them online with basic greetings because they're too jaded by the abundance they have. The guy has to stand out, both with his pics, his profile and his prose.
They only need to walk into a bar, or set a good dating profile up with flattering pics and they'll be inundated with offers.
The whole social construct of men having to do the approaching tilts the balance so far in favour of women when it comes to options for the average person.
The issue for women is they aren't always deemed good options, they typically won't be. Women get fed up with guys messaging them online with basic greetings because they're too jaded by the abundance they have. The guy has to stand out, both with his pics, his profile and his prose.
No. Women walk into bars all the time. Nothing happens, unless the woman is exceptional. And you're assuming that all women HAVE flattering pics! You're living in a fantasy land! Jaded from the abundance of responses they have on OLD? You're dreaming. There is no abundance for some women. Maybe you missed the posts by our member from Portland, who was on OLD for 2 years, and never got any message from a real guy. I'm not even sure she got a "s-up". She posted her photo on here, and people said she was attractive enough. Nothing special, but decently attractive. She got crickets for two years, not counting the scams and bots. There were no options. Not even any bad options. She quit OLD, and eventually moved out of Portland altogether, to try her luck elsewhere.
You guys have to stop buying into this false belief that women have it easy, and if they don't, it's because they're too picky, and are turning down "options". The reality for average women is very similar to the reality for average guys. Even if average women approach guys, they typically get nowhere. I don't know why there's so much resistance to the idea that some men and women are in the same boat. It's as if the guys want exclusive whining rights.
You guys have to stop buying into this false belief that women have it easy, and if they don't, it's because they're too picky, and are turning down "options". The reality for average women is very similar to the reality for average guys. Even if average women approach guys, they typically get nowhere. I don't know why there's so much resistance to the idea that some men and women are in the same boat. It's as if the guys want exclusive whining rights.
Well, I've been approached by 'average' women and while some of them didn't get anywhere, it was not because they approached me or because they were average (there is nothing wrong with 'average' - I'm average!) but because there was something that didn't click with me. Most of the women I meet in the street don't click with me either. Some do though but I never got involved with any of them because I was always involved with someone online. They were quite probably not available either.
At least with online dating you know the other person is available or they wouldn't be there.
Something I have found with live meetings with women is that they often don't disclose their relationship status. It's like they don't want to let on they are actually already involved. They just want to flirt it seems!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
No. Women walk into bars all the time. Nothing happens, unless the woman is exceptional.
And even then, nothing would happen with me. The problem is with me, not the ladies.
With many people, divorce doesn't just suddenly happen. We try all sorts of other stuff first to fix things, change things. Eventually it is just dead. And sometimes we hang on even after that. Just hoping. This means that by the time we officially divorce we may have been out of love literally for years.
THIS. 1000% this. Happy people don't get divorced. It's not like you just wake up one day and you're like - oh... you know what? I was totes happy yesterday, but today I think I'll get a divorce. It's a long and toxic process that sometimes starts even before the marriage starts, and by the time you get to the paperwork part... that's all that's left - paperwork.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
My former spouse found a girlfriend a year or so after our divorce was final. I was so relieved. That meant to me that he had moved on.
Also this. I was SUPER relieved. I was like "Oh - good, great - thank GOD! Now go away and be happy with that person."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
My ex needs to have someone take care of him. I needed to not have someone else I had to take care of.
AND THIS. Specifically - I needed to not have the burden of taking care of that person anymore. Happy to pass that ball of fun off to someone else.
I really had mixed feelings about the idea of my ex finding someone else. Still do.
On the one hand, he tends to obsess, so he isn't focusing on whatever beef he thinks he's got with me today if he's obsessing over every single word, look, or gesture, from some new love interest. If he could find someone that was lasting, then he'd be well off my hands and that'd be great. Though every time he's tried to date someone or start something new, he winds up telling me everything on the phone and trying to get me to give him "a woman's perspective" and basically be his unpaid dating coach. And then he disregards what I said and makes a mess of it anyways. I try to limit these phone calls, they are a waste of time. But at the same time, knowing about his current situation and mental state helps me to feel safer.
*sigh*
But then on the other hand, he is a mess and likely to be toxic and unhealthy to any woman unfortunate enough to be with him. Also, he keeps trying to talk sht to new women about me and get them to want to fight me or something. Several times in smug tones he's informed me that some woman he is dating "hates my guts and wants to kick my a**" based on what he has told her. I'm like...good for her? But really, is this high school or are we adults right now? He keeps seeking desperate women in bad situations to "rescue." Telling everyone that he is a sociopath, as though proud of it, and he seems to test new relationship attempts by, within a few dates if it's going well, telling a woman how crazy he is and that he's a sociopath and how he killed people in the war and whatever, and seeing if they'll stick around after he blasts them with all that noise. Presenting the whole "women always abandon me because you have no loyalty and no honor, and are all selfish and no one will stick by me with my problems because you're all just horrible shallow people" as though in the hopes that a woman will stay out of a perverse desire to prove him wrong. It isn't working. But he keeps trying and failing.
I could wish he found a happy healthy relationship and a happy healthy life, but that just isn't likely with this dude.
If that were different, though, I'd be THRILLED if he had someone else. I used to think at times it would have been awesome if he would just cheat on me and find someone new, then so much easier for me to leave without him going nuts on me.
I was talking to a single gentleman who has been without a girlfriend since 6 or 7 years since his marriage, while his wife had no problem finding someone within a year. I dunno, but when you find this out, do you get a bit jealous that they found someone so quickly? Kind of goes to show how a former's partner's love life is more active than yours I guess?
It goes to show how some people don't like to deal with their emotions and want to just bury them within another relationship.Never envy someone when you don't know what sort of mind-set they're in.People who quickly jump from one relationship after the previous one is over with,makes me think that they're not use to being alone and that anyone will do to fill that void.
Personally, I am really happy to not know what my ex is doing. Lucky for me, our kid is respectful of my boundaries in that respect.
At some point, the kid may get married or have kids or something, and I may see the ex again with his SO if any. But years later, the "whatever" factor has multiplied exponentially.
Personally, I am really happy to not know what my ex is doing. Lucky for me, our kid is respectful of my boundaries in that respect.
At some point, the kid may get married or have kids or something, and I may see the ex again with his SO if any. But years later, the "whatever" factor has multiplied exponentially.
Same here. My dd keeps her parents' lives separate.
My ex and I and our daughter recently got together to have lunch and jointly take her to the airport for a trip she was making to Asia. I hadn't seen him in a couple of years. He asked about my car and its mileage and I mentioned that I put a lot of miles on it now that I do a1k round-trip each month, and when he looked at me oddly, I realized that he had no idea that I am in the relationship I have been in for almost a year. My daughter had never mentioned it to him.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
