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Old 07-24-2018, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Fairfax, VA
1,020 posts, read 1,007,330 times
Reputation: 1349

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"Saying" it is the problem.

Women already know what men want. They want it too. So he just needs to avoid saying or doing something that turns her off, or otherwise sabotages his chances -- for example, telling her he wants sex.


Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
...I'm just gonna vomit out some frustration...

When IS it ok for a man to be honestly sexual? It honestly feels like never.

When can a man say "I want sex." "Sex is fun." "Do you think having sex with me would be fun?" without being treated like he kicked a puppy?

...now I admit a lot of men ruin this dynamic because when a woman says, "No." or "I'll pass." The man gets upset or somehow lashes against the woman.
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Old 07-24-2018, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Nevada
777 posts, read 449,872 times
Reputation: 1608
Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
...I'm just gonna vomit out some frustration...

When IS it ok for a man to be honestly sexual? It honestly feels like never.

When can a man say "I want sex." "Sex is fun." "Do you think having sex with me would be fun?" without being treated like he kicked a puppy?

...now I admit a lot of men ruin this dynamic because when a woman says, "No." or "I'll pass." The man gets upset or somehow lashes against the woman.
Now, women don't share a hive mind... but for me, I at least need to meet you once, and there has to be an agreement to meet again. Before that, NO. Bad puppy.

And then, if there's chemistry on that first meet and some flirtation is going on, I am cool with it. But let me at least decide if there's a little spark first.

I am willing to entertain a bit of talk about sex, likes, dislikes, etc without jumping in the sack immediately. I make a serious effort not to lead men on. If I am talking sexual with you, we'll probably get together unless YOU run me off by being too impatient. So there's that.


TLR - talking about sex once we've met and plan to meet again is fine. Pressure to jump in the sack because we're talking about sex, not so fine.
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Old 07-25-2018, 12:10 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,530 posts, read 20,018,059 times
Reputation: 10539
Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
...now I admit a lot of men ruin this dynamic because when a woman says, "No." or "I'll pass." The man gets upset or somehow lashes against the woman.
No. The man just decides to go back to fishing in the pond.

There isn't any point to any other interaction when you reach an impasse in a relationship. Smart people just walk away and go back to OLD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax View Post
Women already know what men want. They want it too. So he just needs to avoid saying or doing something that turns her off, or otherwise sabotages his chances -- for example, telling her he wants sex.
Yes.
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Old 07-25-2018, 05:47 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,780,760 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by RageX View Post
...I'm just gonna vomit out some frustration...

When IS it ok for a man to be honestly sexual? It honestly feels like never.

When can a man say "I want sex." "Sex is fun." "Do you think having sex with me would be fun?" without being treated like he kicked a puppy?

...now I admit a lot of men ruin this dynamic because when a woman says, "No." or "I'll pass." The man gets upset or somehow lashes against the woman.


It's often ok, or more than ok, for a man to be honestly sexual. He just has to have awareness of time, place, and who he is doing it with. All three, not just one of the three. I'm often completely honest about it, what I want to do with them, with specifics... it's frequently part of foreplay. But, I have to be aware of their head space, what is potentially on the table, what I want that aligns with what they're into, and frame it appropriately. And even when it might be a dark or dangerous place you want to explore (if that's what you're feeling), you need to be seen as a safe person to go there with. It's not that difficult really. It's actually a heck of a lot of fun.
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Old 08-12-2018, 01:16 AM
 
2 posts, read 1,226 times
Reputation: 20
I have always wondered why people keep calling Tinder a hookup site, because my experience has been that there are pretty much no girls looking for hookups on there. It makes me wonder if maybe the girls seeking hookups just aren't swiping right on me? Maybe I'm the type that girls only go for when they want a companion and provider?
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Old 08-12-2018, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,655,659 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by railtracer View Post
I have always wondered why people keep calling Tinder a hookup site, because my experience has been that there are pretty much no girls looking for hookups on there. It makes me wonder if maybe the girls seeking hookups just aren't swiping right on me? Maybe I'm the type that girls only go for when they want a companion and provider?
Tinder used to be a hook-up app. It has evolved, though, to a regular dating app. But there do seem to be a ton of people using OLD just to find someone to text with. They like attention but don't actually convert the communication to interaction.
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Old 08-12-2018, 09:24 AM
 
2,483 posts, read 2,461,989 times
Reputation: 3353
Quote:
Originally Posted by railtracer View Post
I have always wondered why people keep calling Tinder a hookup site, because my experience has been that there are pretty much no girls looking for hookups on there. It makes me wonder if maybe the girls seeking hookups just aren't swiping right on me? Maybe I'm the type that girls only go for when they want a companion and provider?
I've seen a few. Seen some fee for service stuff too.

Never seen any of that on Match.
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Old 08-12-2018, 01:59 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,780,760 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by railtracer View Post
I have always wondered why people keep calling Tinder a hookup site, because my experience has been that there are pretty much no girls looking for hookups on there. It makes me wonder if maybe the girls seeking hookups just aren't swiping right on me? Maybe I'm the type that girls only go for when they want a companion and provider?



They are, they just don't come out and say it as it invites creeps. My lady friend only used it for hook ups, but she didn't overtly say that. If the hook up was good, it kept on a little.


I mostly had hook ups from it, but I wasn't looking for them. It just happened that way. A couple of times it ended up as a dating thing, and other times some friendships formed.
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Old 08-12-2018, 02:42 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,583,059 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by railtracer View Post
I have always wondered why people keep calling Tinder a hookup site, because my experience has been that there are pretty much no girls looking for hookups on there. It makes me wonder if maybe the girls seeking hookups just aren't swiping right on me? Maybe I'm the type that girls only go for when they want a companion and provider?

There's a movie on Netflix called "Newness" that I imagine the successful people on Tinder live like. Check that out if you want to see what life is like for them.
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Old 08-13-2018, 12:14 AM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,881,667 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by railtracer View Post
I have always wondered why people keep calling Tinder a hookup site, because my experience has been that there are pretty much no girls looking for hookups on there. It makes me wonder if maybe the girls seeking hookups just aren't swiping right on me? Maybe I'm the type that girls only go for when they want a companion and provider?
Or maybe just a real boyfriend? Isn't that possible?

Any girl who isn't looking to just jump in and do it must be seeking a "provider"? WTH???? Some people are just looking for a date. You know, meet and talk and laugh and stuff?
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