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Yes, and long-distance relationships, which seem safer because they supposedly give you the chance to get to know someone over time, actually can be more misleading because the anticipation of meeting lets you build up a fantasy about the other person.
Inevitably at one point if a relationship is going to happen one of you has to make a big sacrifice to move. Then what? The risks are far bigger than meeting someone local earlier than you might be used to.
Push out of your comfort zone, OP.
You've made a good point about how we can build up fantasies in our minds. And, I hope to avoid that by maintaining consistent communication with these two ladies. And, I think that long distance would have posed more of an issue in my younger years, but now, I think that I'm of the age and that women are of the age where we're better able to weigh risk by making informed decisions based upon experience. In other words, we're more efficient in our assessments. We can make quicker work out of the "getting to know you" phase thus expediting the process.
All that to say, I think things will move along rather quickly with these two women, and I'll develop a clear picture of their potential, sooner rather than later.
The bumble thing is too far outside the scope of comfort for me. I've already ruled it out. I know that seems knee jerk and cowardly, but, I know myself and I know it wouldn't be good.
To answer the question in the thread title, yes. Exclusivity is not implied nor expected in OLD or any form of dating unless/until it is discussed.
Ok, let me present a hypothetical. Say you're chatting up a guy, you're talking on the phone once a day, you're feeling good about things, you're thinking about getting a plane ticket and going to meet him. Then he asks you if you're involved with anyone else? You say, yeah, I'm talking to other guys too and I'm interested in them as well. I don't think it's stretch to imagine that this guy you're going to visit might be a little upset about that, perhaps reasonably so.
You should talk to multiple at a time. It helps prevent over-investment and provides backup options should one ghost you.
Nailed it, unless you are in an exclusive relationship you need to "diversify your portfolio." Some women will ghost, others will change their mind or find someone else. Never put all your eggs in one basket. I learned that the hard way.
I thought the ultimate goal was to put all our eggs in one basket?
Yes but the basket needs to be a receptive one and worthy of your standards. You won't find such a basket overnight. You need to try out other baskets to see which one works best for you.
Yes but the basket needs to be a receptive one and worthy of your standards. You won't find such a basket overnight. You need to try out other baskets to see which one works best for you.
My aim is to be more diligent about where I place my huevos.
Ok, let me present a hypothetical. Say you're chatting up a guy, you're talking on the phone once a day, you're feeling good about things, you're thinking about getting a plane ticket and going to meet him. Then he asks you if you're involved with anyone else? You say, yeah, I'm talking to other guys too and I'm interested in them as well. I don't think it's stretch to imagine that this guy you're going to visit might be a little upset about that, perhaps reasonably so.
Yet another pitfall of long-distance dating.
The distance itself and the effort someone is required to put into JUST MEETING immediately implies more value than may actually exist in the relationship.
If you're talking to women who have to spend hundreds of dollars and travel thousands of miles to meet you, mentioning that you're also "talking to" others is very different from going to dinner with Rebecca who lives 12 miles away on Thursday and then mentioning that you're going hiking with Shelley who lives one town over on Saturday.
I have no intention or desire to ever be involved with multiple women. The idea of it is so incredibly unappealing. On the advice of one of the members here, I downloaded Bumble onto the ipad that my sister gave me. Within a week, there were over a dozen matches. I tried to communicate with each of them. Because they are local, they wanted to meet up for lunch or coffee or something. But I said "no" because I'm simply not comfortable with meeting complete strangers. I told them that I want to get to know them better before we meet. To which almost all of them said, "you have to meet to get to know me better." So, I ruled Bumble out pretty quickly. I'm just not good enough at socializing to make that work for me.
Which leads me to eharmony, which has seemed to produce good results for me, so far. I've talked with some really nice, intelligent women. And, I've noticed that I have a natural tendency to focus on one at a time. That's really all I can handle. And eharmony is good because the profiles are more detailed, so you can eliminate non viable matches rather efficiently. It's more my style.
RJ, meet 303Guy. 303, meet RJ. You could be me!
I did sort of learn how to socialize or at least talk to strange women but I used your prefered method - something similar to eharmony. A funny story - I mentioned this on another thread today - it was a working girl who helped me gain confidence. My confidence with women was real low. No, it was just chatting at a bar! (Of course for her it was business). But being given that attention was great. I had just been permanently separated and my ex had me convinced that no woman would ever be interested in me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann Onn
Dude! You have local women who want to meet you! If you found their profiles at all appealing, I think you should have at least had a little coffee or something.
I'm not good at socializing. I'm an introvert who doesn't give off an approachable vibe due to a touch of RBF. So trust me, I know the feeling. But meeting in person to see if there's any potential for chemistry is key, so I bit the bullet and went on those interminable, uncomfortable and sometimes awkward coffee dates.
It's work, especially for those of us for whom the gift of gab does not come naturally. But I think you'll have better luck focusing on locals, if you take the plunge on some quick first meetings.
You and I would probably have gotten on great. I'm just like you.
What's RBF is I may ask?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Yet another pitfall of long-distance dating.
The distance itself and the effort someone is required to put into JUST MEETING immediately implies more value than may actually exist in the relationship.
If you're talking to women who have to spend hundreds of dollars and travel thousands of miles to meet you, mentioning that you're also "talking to" others is very different from going to dinner with Rebecca who lives 12 miles away on Thursday and then mentioning that you're going hiking with Shelley who lives one town over on Saturday.
This ^^^
I have been in an LDR and it can get quite expensive. There is a lot invested. I talked to my lady for a long time before going to meet her. Sure, it worked out but the long term prospects were a problem. Relocating to a foreign country with a foreign language ...
At least your 'friend' is in the same language zone. I would not be wanting to talk to two such LDR prospects at the same time. To me there is just so much invested in it, I could not do it and would not want to. I would suggest that you bite the bullet and go meet them both ASAP and make a choice. It would cost about the same to fly to meet each would it not?
Oh yes, there was a time I had two ladies I was talking to in driving distance and was having trouble deciding which one to go and meet. But then my ex decided she wasn't finished with me so I dropped them both. I didn't attempt to pick up when that went south.
LOL.... Resting B&&& Face. I don't run around with a perpetual smile on my face.
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But being given that attention was great. I had just been permanently separated and my ex had me convinced that no woman would ever be interested in me.
