A question for men 40+. (love, young, kids, college)
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Again, as others have said, what would an educated, professional guy have in common with an uneducated, clueless housewife who didn't have the sense to leave a drunken, abusive drug addict who was actively destroying their financial security?
I find it hard to believe you would want to get into a relationship with someone who had so little regard for their own safety and future security as to have zero backup plan in life. Women like that make me shake my head. I just assume they are hopelessly lazy and prefer to be passive and dependent. I guess some dudes like that?
The guy went from hero to zero in less than a year. She left at the first abuse and ended up getting a restraining order. I don't think she went to college but I wouldn't call her "uneducated" or clueless. She stuck with him while he was trying to keep the business going. I actually find that admirable rather than bailing on him at the first sign of trouble. He didn't start drinking and doing the drugs until after he lost everything. What if he hadn't fallen off the wagon and was able to recover the business but she had bailed earlier?
I always find it is best to not jump to judgement of people until you know all the facts about them. The bottom line is I wouldn't rule them out until I knew the complete situation.
Last edited by Hackopotamus; 07-09-2018 at 01:33 PM..
When it comes to finding a woman your age, how important is it that she has a good job/career? By that I mean, say you were single and met a woman that was pretty, in good shape, fun to be around, nice etc. however say she had never gotten a college education and was working at some very menial job, say burger flipper at McDonald's or the like. Would you be okay with it, or would it be a deal breaker?
I'd be OK with it as long as she has a steady income, no kids, and little to no debt.
Again, for me at least, it's a similar/matching mindset as to career, not the amount of money.
Me, either...at least past the point where bills can be paid. That was becoming an increasing issue in print journalism. What was really more the issue, though, was the systematic downsizing of editorial staff, and transferring duties to those remaining, without pay increases. Making peanuts, I was more or less accepting of. Making peanuts to do three people's jobs in addition to the one I was hired for, not so much.
I also married someone whose values lie more in career primarily as fulfilling a calling, versus career as largest possible funding source available.
I’ve always been much more attracted to women that were ambitious and career-driven, similar to me. If that makes me arrogant, so be it.
Looking at the OP, how do you KNOW a person's ambition level based on their one job at any point in time? He said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zengha
... say you were single and met a woman that was pretty, in good shape, fun to be around, nice etc. however say she had never gotten a college education and was working at some very menial job, say burger flipper at McDonald's or the like.
So in this not very well fleshed out OP we have the idea that she checks off all the boxes EXCEPT .... the job thing. Maybe she never got a degree for logistical (family/financial/etc) reasons. Maybe she has ambition but hasn't had the support to make it happen yet. Maybe she's gonna go to McDonald's University and own franchises? Maybe she doesn't know there's a world out there beyond McDonald's, which somehow has come to mean bottom of the barrel in this country.
At any rate, your best match may not always be "similar to you."
The guy went from hero to zero in less than a year. She left at the first abuse and ended up getting a restraining order. I don't think she went to college but I wouldn't call her "uneducated" or clueless. She stuck with him while he was trying to keep the business going. I actually find that admirable rather than bailing on him at the first sign of trouble. He didn't start drinking and doing the drugs until after he lost everything. What if he hadn't fallen off the wagon and was able to recover the business but she had bailed earlier?
I always find it is best to not jump to judgement of people until you know all the facts about them. The bottom line is I wouldn't rule them out until I knew the complete situation.
Uh huh, well that's not the story you portrayed originally, but whatever, I understand some people's impulse to exaggerate when making a point, I guess.
In any case, MY point was, what would an educated, successful guy have in common with someone who never went to college, never had a career or even a job, and who was content to be dependent on someone else her entire life?
I would think that level of super-dependency would not be attractive for most men or women over 40.
I think for me, my first question, living in one of the most expensive places in the country, if you work in a low wage job is, how on earth do you make ends meet!
My low bar is pay for your lifestyle. Where I live it is pretty impossible for even moderate wage professionals to do it. I don't know what sacrifices you have to make to survive. Maybe a lot. I'd feel differently in a cheaper place.
Looking at the OP, how do you KNOW a person's ambition level based on their one job at any point in time? He said:
So in this not very well fleshed out OP we have the idea that she checks off all the boxes EXCEPT .... the job thing. Maybe she never got a degree for logistical (family/financial/etc) reasons. Maybe she has ambition but hasn't had the support to make it happen yet. Maybe she's gonna go to McDonald's University and own franchises? Maybe she doesn't know there's a world out there beyond McDonald's, which somehow has come to mean bottom of the barrel in this country.
At any rate, your best match may not always be "similar to you."
In my case, I have always been most compatible with women similar to me in education/career. Obviously, for others that isn’t the case, I was answering for me, which if I’m not mistaken is what the original question was.
I have never based my opinion of someone based on their career or monetary success. There are plenty of shallow boring people in highly regarded careers and that are financially well off. I’m more interested in a persons compassion, sensitivity and sense of humor. I’m educated, financially secure and some of the people I find most interesting and enjoyable to spend have with are neither highly educated or well off. That does not mean that they are slow, lack motivation or in any way inferior. They simply made other choices.
I am well over 40+, though I got married in my early 20s.
At that time [and really all through-out my career] I saw guys marrying girls who were extremely hot and the life-of-the-party, all of those marriages ended quickly. The females were 'dependent' on their mates.
I determined that I was only going to date females who were independent minded. These were educated business owners who did not need to have a husband. My reasoning was that I could be deployed for months at a time, and if she was an independent person her life would not collapse if I was not there to console here every night.
I married a female who at the time was a truck stop waitress. She had gone to another state, and while there she had managed a 7-11, then she had moved up to being a district manager of 7-11s. A relationship went sour so she moved back to her home state and got a job waiting tables.
Waiting tables did not define her. It was obvious that the job was to keep her fluid. She would soon be working somewhere else, likely managing others.
Once we were married, she managed my investments and businesses, while I deployed underwater. This year will be our 37th anniversary.
I would only be concerned with if/how she enhances my life. All else is secondary.
I don't care about her job/career since how she earns a living does not define who she truly is. And true education (not to be confused with book leaning) is mostly experiential and can't really be taught in school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zengha
When it comes to finding a woman your age, how important is it that she has a good job/career? By that I mean, say you were single and met a woman that was pretty, in good shape, fun to be around, nice etc. however say she had never gotten a college education and was working at some very menial job, say burger flipper at McDonald's or the like. Would you be okay with it, or would it be a deal breaker?
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