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I'd say to just try and suck it up for now. It won't be forever. Maybe make it a girl's vacation. Sorry for his loss. We've had a lot of death in our combined families the last couple of years, I can understand how he feels.
Okay so you think its kind of understandable or you at least see his side a bit?
Well his brothers were twins. So idk if that changes anything. I know its harder to lose a twin so the remaining brother/twin is not doing very well.
Weve been together for 7 years, so its a committed relationship. He feels like me and him can go away any time the rest of our lives but he feels like his brother asking him to go is more “once in a lifetime”. And he feels like he never did that when his other brother was alive so he feels like he should go.
Also when i talk to him about it he keeps bringing up how his life is over and ruined now and how much hes hurting so thats why i wanted to post here and make sure im not being unreasonable bc idk what hes feeling.
The bolded got a bit buried in this comment. What is he doing to work through his grief besides running off to Vegas with his brother instead of your planned trip? This could be manipulation on his part to get you to back off and let him off the hook to do as he likes or he could be truly struggling and depressed (and who wouldn't be?) – in which case he needs to be doing more than spending time with his remaining brother. Of course he's hurting – but to say his own life is over and ruined – almost a year after the one brother died – is pretty dramatic and worthy of some counseling. Is he or has he seen anyone?
I don't think you're being selfish. It sounds as if you have deferred to his feelings a great deal. If he doesn't get some actual help to help him deal with his loss, this pattern seems likely to continue until you get fed up with being in second place.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I'd say to just try and suck it up for now. It won't be forever. Maybe make it a girl's vacation. Sorry for his loss. We've had a lot of death in our combined families the last couple of years, I can understand how he feels.
I'm with you. I don't think OP should pick this hill to die on. I remember doing things like this I wouldn't regularly do after my father died a few years ago.
I feel for you. There are so many variables here we don't know (the nature of your relationship in general) that it would be hard for any of us to really give accurate advice. But just based on what you've said, I would be feeling the same way as you.
Maybe this one incident isn't quite break-up worthy, but...prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility that you two may be drifting apart. It just doesn't seem like a good sign. Only you can really know.
Its just men. Honestly its vegas.. which is why im viewing it as just an excuse to party rather than support one another. I would go, but i doubt he wants me tagging along to vegas.
Just my opinion but a group of guys going out to Vegas together is more appealing to your bf than being with you that week you had already taken time off for....
You might want to tell him you've given a lot of thought about the Vegas trip and since you've already taken the time off you've decided you would enjoy very much going to Vegas too ....and watch closely for his immediate reaction and response.
Its just men. Honestly its vegas.. which is why im viewing it as just an excuse to party rather than support one another. I would go, but i doubt he wants me tagging along to vegas.
Just my opinion but a group of guys going out to Vegas together is more appealing to your bf than being with you that week you had already taken time off for....
You might want to tell him you've given a lot of thought about the Vegas trip and since you've already taken the time off you've decided you would enjoy very much going to Vegas too ....and watch closely for his immediate reaction and response.
So i actually ended up saying that. I was like "Maybe i'll just come to vegas" and had a huge smile on my face. He was so distraught about us fighting about this that he said "honestly if that will make things better than yes come to vegas and i'll tell my brother to stay in his own room". So that's probably a good sign, at least i hope. I trust him, he has never made me NOT trust him. It's more that he ditched me for this.
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