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While "growing apart" seems to be a safe and socially acceptable answer for a lot of people, for some it is code for "I cheated and got caught. But I am not going to blame the end of the relationship on my cheating, because that might make me look bad. So I will say we grew apart. Should the cheating come to light, I will blame the cheating on having "grown apart" and not my own skullduggery. So I am not really lying".
While "growing apart" seems to be a safe and socially acceptable answer for a lot of people, for some it is code for "I cheated and got caught. But I am not going to blame the end of the relationship on my cheating, because that might make me look bad. So I will say we grew apart. Should the cheating come to light, I will blame the cheating on having "grown apart" and not my own skullduggery. So I am not really lying".
But maybe I am a touch too cynical.
I think it's probably true that people DO often cheat as a result of feeling they've grown apart from their partners/outgrown their relationship. And I say this as somebody who was cheated on in a long-term relationship once upon a time. Whether or not that's a really appropriate, respectful way to proceed when one feels they've grown apart from a partner, versus, say, ending things first, is of course another story. People who feel very content and in-tune with their partners don't, as a rule, cheat, though.
It does not really tell you anything, but at least her children are already adults. Adult children often resent it when their parents date someone new, but in a long term relationship, dealing with adult children from a previous relationship is still way better than dealing with children under 18.
While "growing apart" seems to be a safe and socially acceptable answer for a lot of people, for some it is code for "I cheated and got caught. But I am not going to blame the end of the relationship on my cheating, because that might make me look bad. So I will say we grew apart. Should the cheating come to light, I will blame the cheating on having "grown apart" and not my own skullduggery. So I am not really lying".
But maybe I am a touch too cynical.
Just a touch ...
I mean, that's NOT the standard translation.
It's more of a way of saying, "Of course there is more to the story, but it's too soon to get into all that now so I will just say ... we grew apart."
Otherwise you'll be characterized as one of those crazy people with diarrhea of the mouth who opens up her baggage at the dinner table and throws it all around the room.
I guess my question would be, "What did she learn from that?" A long term marriage takes effort to maintain. If she didn't learn that each partner has to put in the time, even just a few minutes a day, that would be concerning to me.
Her stating that he traveled a lot and blaming that for becoming strangers makes me wonder if she did learn.
Awfully judgey, especially for a first date. Lots of things wouldn't be enough to overcome too much travel...
I'd be insulted - what if he had an affair out on the road...what would she have learned? Not to marry someone who travels a lot?
"Grew apart" is pretty apt when asked about my first marriage. Sure, I *could* delve into the whys and other circumstances, but that was typically reserved for conversations specifically about relationships, and usually with dates or interests that were moving forward.
It's more of a way of saying, "Of course there is more to the story, but it's too soon to get into all that now so I will just say ... we grew apart."
Or, "We grew apart...[because of these very specific, divisive life occurrences, etc....and because of that, I looked elsewhere, and did so before I ended the relationship]." Yeah, nobody's going to frankly cop to that with most people...but it happens all the time.
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