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NOT the main part but I felt I want to write about:
So we've been with each others for almost 4 months (not living in same place), she is not from my country but she moved to live and work 8 months ago, she already had many friends there (no common) before she moved but no family.
I work abroad and travel regularly, we saw each others less than a month in total (including days before I reveal my love to her). She's super sensitive person and has been through difficulties since couple of years having her dad passed away and living alone with her mom with no siblings, having other problems when she moved, different culture, different work environment and a financial problem (she didn't ask for anything and she hardly said it), so she was really stressed and feeling that she is totally alone and lost (her mom just travel for short visits) and I'm most of time away however contacting her daily trying to make her feel I'm beside her, but she wanted me to be more closer. She started the blame game from the early beginning (don't get her, not enough attention, etc )
I'm a good listener, all people I met said that, but she don't speak a lot even though I insist that she express her feelings but she sees I've to understand without her saying a word.
2 weeks before I travel this time she became someone different I never knew (she had her mom during that period), sitting together she isn't speaking, not paying any attention to me, distracted, I felt her having cold feelings, tried to understand what happened, is it me! someone else! something happened! no answer, no first text from her just replying back, I felt that she is ghosting me, I decided without asking her to get distant and give her some space I thought that's what she wanted and I might be adding more stress on her. I was stressed too during that time, my work wasn't stable and I hardly got a place back to it.
HERE want happened later
I intended to stop contacting her after I traveled to see what will happen, two days later she texted me and blamed me for doing so, I replied pretending not getting what she said, no answer, 10 mins later, she said she just had a car accident, I texted back, called her for hours, no answer, I have no one of her friends' contact, don't know what to do, that happened late night, in the morning when I tried to call her again, she answered finally, she just came out from hospital, thankfully only minor injuries, she was with her friends and no one had a fatal injury but unfortunately a girl in another car died, it wasn't their fault and many cars were crashed.
She went to her friend's home to take care of her (her mom already left and she didn't know what happened), she should stay at home for 3 weeks, I contacted her since then on daily basis, water flew again, later we talked about what happened before I travel, I was blamed again, she asked me to fly back to her, I said it's difficult without saying why, surely I wanted to be beside her, but going back now would put my work at risk, I thought she is okay being with her close friend and family until she recover but all of a sudden she decided to leave and go back to her home alone, stop texting me again, still in pain physically and emotionally, that time I decided I've to go back, booked my flight, the nearest one was after 5 days , told her, she replied that I'm late, no texts, nothing, I keep texting and calling and she say excuses for not answering.
WHAT should I do? I really want her and I think I failed her
You didn’t fail. You were just wasting your time. A good relationship isn’t so complicated. In the future, you need to avoid people who blame you when you haven’t done anything wrong or make selfish requests that endanger your livelihood.
Stop contacting her. She’s emotionally unstable and nothing you do will help.
While not saying it from the beginning she told you with other words and actions that she needs some one that is physically around more.
You should have picked up on that. Not all situations are meant to work out. The two of you are incompatible in her viewpoint. You did nothing to fail her.
No, you did not fail her; she failed you by engaging in "little-princess" game playing. She apparently assumes that you should do all of the heavy lifting in the relationship and drop everything at her whim. That's not fair to you. She appears very insecure, needy and immature. None of those are good qualities in a partner.
Move on from her and find a woman who matches your emotional maturity level.
You didn’t fail. You were just wasting your time. A good relationship isn’t so complicated. In the future, you need to avoid people who blame you when you haven’t done anything wrong or make selfish requests that endanger your livelihood.
Stop contacting her. She’s emotionally unstable and nothing you do will help.
It's complicated and I knew before I tell her my feelings, I get into her life when she was emotionally unstable, and she said that herself many times at the beginning, but didn't know it will be energy consuming like this over time. I don't blame myself for the first part and I told her I didn't do anything wrong, It's the second part of the story, and I know how she feels after accident specially having no one of her family around, living in a country with low quality of life (she discovered after) while she was living in place which was totally the opposite.
For now I don't have any problem at my work, it was at the time when she asked me first.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
Hope you can get a ticket refund or credit.The money will be better spent elsewhere.
It's not about money, I really love her and I know she do so, I wanted to be beside her this time regardless how she consume my energy, later when she get well we will have another talk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah
While not saying it from the beginning she told you with other words and actions that she needs some one that is physically around more.
You should have picked up on that. Not all situations are meant to work out. The two of you are incompatible in her viewpoint. You did nothing to fail her.
You must accept that and move on now.
It's the first time she asked me when I was at work, never happened before, we both have friends and when we both are free (I get long vacation usually) we split time between being together and being with friends, only if I travel and spend much time with friends she gets angry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Even if you were there every day, it would NEVER be enough for her.
You didn’t fail her. She can’t be pleased. She’s emotionally unstable and takes it out on others.
Tell her the relationship isn’t working for you, and then stop texting her.
She can't be pleased, I told her that, I will have another talk with her when she get well, can't do this now
No, you did not fail her; she failed you by engaging in "little-princess" game playing. She apparently assumes that you should do all of the heavy lifting in the relationship and drop everything at her whim. That's not fair to you. She appears very insecure, needy and immature. None of those are good qualities in a partner.
Move on from her and find a woman who matches your emotional maturity level.
"She apparently assumes that you should do all of the heavy lifting in the relationship and drop everything at her whim. That's not fair to you. She appears very insecure" that's true
I highlighted her behavior but not into details, told here that we have to have an open talk last time I was there but we couldn't make it, will do this when I get back but after she gets well.
If she cared about you as you do her she would understand that work comes first. What does she expect you to live on?
I could see if it was a life threatening accident, but it wasn't. There are many women out there who would appreciate the effort you put into your job & treasure the times you can be together. This woman is way too needy & it sounds like she plays way too many games.
If she cared about you as you do her she would understand that work comes first. What does she expect you to live on?
I could see if it was a life threatening accident, but it wasn't. There are many women out there who would appreciate the effort you put into your job & treasure the times you can be together. This woman is way too needy & it sounds like she plays way too many games.
Just to clear, she never asked me to put work aside for her but only this time plus she didn't know that I have problems at work. She asked me to come for couple of days and then travel back (at my work I can go whenever I want but can't go back whenever I want).
It's not a life threatening accident but I couldn't say that to her as an excuse of not coming, plus she saw people with fatal injuries and one of them died, she was near to it (car totally crashed) and still in shock because of it, she have minor injuries but still under observation of doctors from time to time, the problem is that she was handling her life hardly in my county (I'm aware of how difficult it is), and became more difficult for here after accident and being alone.
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