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Old 07-20-2018, 07:47 AM
 
2,449 posts, read 2,588,524 times
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My ex flipped out and left me the night before I had major surgery.
I healed from the surgery, but it left me pretty emotionally scarred.

Had no idea he had been cheating on me. I don't think he would have stayed, but he could have waited just a couple of weeks. The timing was terrible.
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Old 07-20-2018, 07:47 AM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,334,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atgss View Post
Might as well never get married at all, change is one thing that's a constant.
I think it's a matter of degree. People committing to a long term relationship have hopefully not made many assumptions, and rather have talked out as many scenarios as possible. Of course, talking about what you might do if your partner's brain suffers trauma is different from actually experiencing that, but the talk is at least a starting point, and it's information. This may seem contradictory, but earlier I said that I'd have difficulty being on the receiving end of really hands on care from someone I'd been romantically close to and who knew me as a physically and cognitively competent person. But in the discussion of what might happen, I'd want to hear that she'd want to be there. And While I'd want to be there for her, I think I'd prefer that she felt uneasy with that, too. That seems more real and trustworthy to me, admitting the suckiness of the situation but having admitted that, vowing to be supportive.
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Old 07-20-2018, 07:48 AM
 
Location: In an indoor space
7,685 posts, read 6,176,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol View Post
If they decided to get married, then THEY must not have believed they were MUUUUUUUCH better off living alone,.

Well yes.

Roll that dice and take those chances, hopefully it goes well and if not..........................................
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Old 07-20-2018, 07:51 AM
 
3,565 posts, read 1,912,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atgss View Post
Well yes.

Roll that dice and take those chances, hopefully it goes well and if not..........................................
If not?

Different people are free to decide how to best live their own lives?
Or not so much?
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Old 07-20-2018, 07:58 AM
 
Location: In an indoor space
7,685 posts, read 6,176,073 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol View Post
If not?

Different people are free to decide how to best live their own lives?
Or not so much?

Absolutely!
We all make choices whatever they may be for better or worse without marriage being in the equation.
But for many getting married is "rolling the dice" for various reasons as change is a constant and not knowing what those changes will be and how one party will react to it/them that could cause for that relationship to crumble.


Do you like rolling the dice?
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Old 07-20-2018, 08:30 AM
 
3,565 posts, read 1,912,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atgss View Post
Absolutely!
We all make choices whatever they may be for better or worse without marriage being in the equation.
But for many getting married is "rolling the dice" for various reasons as change is a constant and not knowing what those changes will be and how one party will react to it/them that could cause for that relationship to crumble.


Do you like rolling the dice?
Depends on what the stakes are
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Old 07-20-2018, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,283,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atgss View Post
Might as well never get married at all, change is one thing that's a constant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol View Post
Most people believe they increase their odds enough by thoroughly vetting the person before hand and believe that they and their prospective partner have some degree of adaptability...that neither will change so drastically that it won't be adaptable.

If you require guarantees then obviously no relationship can work. And if you believe divorce is the worst possible thing that can happen to someone rather than just an extreme option that allows both of the people to "reset" then I guess you never want to be married so that can never happen to you.

I don't care if people get married or not as I don't believe a marriage certificate does that much for people relationship-wise (only legally). What is irritating is acting like marriage is a terrible choice for everyone and looking down your nose at them. Lots of people have fulfilling marriages and even survive a divorce, if necessary.
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Old 07-20-2018, 09:25 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
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Vows this vows that...it boils down to this. Don’t make commitments unless you are willing to actually fulfill them.

Repeating what someone else give you to say during a ceremony is hardly “making” your own commitments. What you commit to is for you and yours to decide based on who you are as people.
If something like this is a thing you understand you’ll have issue with going in to the marriage you have no reason to keep them secret from your spouse and should have that discussion. Every single person on this earth comes with conditions attached. Don’t be afraid to speak them.

People are tested during times of stress. When Fight or flight kicks in you’re either true to who you say you are or someone who isn’t willing to be that person when their own agency is threatened.

Last edited by rego00123; 07-20-2018 at 09:57 AM..
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Old 07-20-2018, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,293 posts, read 84,292,537 times
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I remember my BIL was completely disgusted with his late secretary's husband. She had bone cancer and was in pain but still trying to work and maintain some sort of normalcy in her life. He saw her crying one day and she confided in him that her husband got angry because she'd told him the night before she didn't want to have sex because it was so painful. He then threatened that if she didn't, he was going to go find it somewhere else.

In time she died, and he remarried before six months was up. Must've been true love, huh.

Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 08-22-2018 at 09:03 PM..
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Old 07-20-2018, 10:48 AM
 
Location: So Cal
52,007 posts, read 52,457,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I remember my BIL was completely disgusted with his late secretary's husband. She had bone cancer and was in pain but still trying to work and maintain some sort of normalcy in her life. He saw her crying one day and she confided in him that her husband got angry because she'd told him the night before she didn't want to have sex because it was so painful. He then threatened that if she didn't, he was going to go find it somewhere else.

In time she died, and he remarried before six months was up. Must've been true love, huh.

I posted earlier that this thread is full of awful stories, this one included.

Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 08-22-2018 at 09:03 PM..
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