OLD: If someone messages you and you are not interested... (dating, wife)
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What do you think is the best way to handle a response. What are your reasons?
I voted for send a thoughtful note.
Of course, when I did OLD, I only got one message sent to me and I responded and we went on a couple of dates. That was over the course of a year and half I think.
If you're a woman who literally gets dozens and dozens of messages, then it's a little different.
Since you posted this in the Philosophy forum, the 'thoughtful' answer to your question is that in romance, like in life ... you either sacrifice or you take, and it's always a struggle to figure out a balance.
For me, it was easy. I didn't get any messages I needed to rebut, but if I did, I could have spent two hours writing a thoughtful let down to each one, and it would have only been a positive impact on my life.
If you're a woman that gets 10 messages a day and you spend 2 minutes each responding to each one, you're making the world a better place ... perhaps, but its at the expense of a half an hour of your day.
Actual relationships are fraught with these kinds of ambiguities. This action or path will make your partner happier, but you suspect it will make yourself unhappier.
Maybe you stay with your wife/husband for 30 years because you make them happy or because they need you, physically or emotionally, but deep down you suspect you might be happier with someone else. Either way, it's a life choice. As are infidelity and staying faithful.
There's many more instances of this in life outside of romance.
But it all goes back to your philosophy on life. What are you hoping to bring to this world.
Perhaps a deep answer to a simple question, but you asked for it posting in here...
I did respond to messages of substance when I was online. If I weren't interested, I would say "Thank you for your message. I have read your profile and don't think we would be compatible." I never got a nasty response. Although it was online, he deserved a nice response. I did not respond to flirts or one or two words messages.
I did respond to messages of substance when I was online. If I weren't interested, I would say "Thank you for your message. I have read your profile and don't think we would be compatible." I never got a nasty response. Although it was online, he deserved a nice response. I did not respond to flirts or one or two words messages.
Agree with this.
If someone put some thought into a message, indicating they'd read my profile, but I wasn't at all interested, a polite turndown was in order. But most of the time, I was willing to meet someone, even if I didn't find their profile compelling, if they put some thought into their original message to me, and was willing to chat for a couple days, and then actually meet, given no obnoxious red flags during the chats. I've met men more attractive than I originally suspected from profile pics.
But when it's obviously cut and paste, play the numbers, one or two word messages? Depended on how bored I was.
It depended on the message and sender. I ignored some, responded to others, but even the "kind" approach of responding backfired at time.
Yes - it opened the floodgates to be critiqued, verbally attacked, demeaned, you name it. After the litany of abuse I received from a polite reply of I'm not interested, I learned that full on ignore is the only way to go. I had a few guys be so abusive in their notes to me that I had to report them to the dating site's moderators. One weirdo even copied and pasted my entire bio into his own profile.
What do you think is the best way to handle a response. What are your reasons?
99% of the women will ignore them. They won’t even open the message before deleting it.
If that doesn’t work they get blocked. Women don’t have time to respond to every Tom, Dick, and Harry in their inbox. Especially in this crazy world where men send pictures of their gentitals as some delusional method of seduction
Ignore. I never reply to one word answers. If I hypothetically got a well thought message, I might reply with a thoughtful note. The vast majority at “hi” or “good morning.”
My answer is still the same - ignore by default (everybody else does)
but an especially well worded, thoughtful, relevant initial msg (hey, in theory it could happen...) will get a kind turn down that reflects the level of effort they put out. No meanness in any case, and the block/skip/ignore filters have been engineered to the Nth degree, last time I was on O.L.D. in 2017.
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