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I'm not sure why, but I'd rather my guy did something about it. At least said something anyway --instead of just leaving me to fend for myself... seriously someone disrespects your girl, and you just pretend it didn't happen?
Yeah...honestly, I think if my husband would see something like that, he'd say or do something.
I remember, years ago, we were at a music festival, and a bunch of people, including us, were sitting on the ground. Well, this guy in front of me decided to stretch out, to the point where he was encroaching in my body space, and I had to change the body position I was in. My husband noticed it, got the guy's attention, and told him that he was too close, and needed to sit up, or find someplace else to stretch out.
It’s a tough situation because your first instinct is to say or do something but like others have said that can lead to a potentially dangerous situation.
I think you see more women in here being on the side of you must do or say something because there not the ones who are in danger if words escalate to a fight the man is..
As Men we know the consequences of a confrontation..I feel women don’t fully grasp those repricussions which is probably why they don’t seem to understand the people who say do nothing.
I was once dating a woman who was with me when we saw a man berating his date(?) in public. It looked like he might attack her at any moment. My date wanted me to go over and "intervene" because I am a big guy.
I told her that we should stay across the street from where they were and if it came to something physical, I would then say something to the "man" and we would take it from there. My date didn't think this was an adequate response, that's when I knew the relationship would not last; but we shadowed them for a block or two until a cop car was passing. I flagged the cop down and explained what I was seeing. The cop went over to speak to the couple and I decided that was the time for us to leave. My date still wanted to stay and "watch over the girl"; I almost had to drag her away.
My conclusion is that indeed, the woman I was with did not understand that (a) it was none of our business as long as things stayed non-physical and (b) once the cops were involved, it was totally out of our concern.
I tried to talk it over with the woman later but she could not see it my way. I think that either she was one of those women who just want to see men fighting, or she could not understand that "not standing up" for a stranger on the street had no relationship to whether or not someone would stand up for her.
Either way, I don't think she knew or cared about the consequences of sticking your nose in someone else's business. Personally, I think "defending" your own and minding someone else's business are not the same thing.
As time goes by it is getting harder and harder to "behave like a man." The consequences are more and more consequential. On one hand, many of us are still born with or instilled with the "protection gene"; on the other hand, if you overreact, your life (literally or figuratively) could be over. This is even tougher when cops and cameras are NOT everywhere, and you could end up being perceived and "charged" with being the aggressor.
There are many "John Wayne" types on this board who claim they will always spring into action when someone else is under attack, but I would remind you that even IF a woman is being beaten down in public and you go to her rescue, the chances are pretty good that the woman you just saved might claim that "her man" did not start anything and your azz is then hauled to jail where your life is irrevocably changed.
It's a hard call, be careful what you decide to do.
Last edited by blktoptrvl; 07-23-2018 at 10:03 AM..
It is very unwise to get involved in domestics, frequently the woman will turn on you if you interfere.
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I was once dating a woman who was with me when we saw a man berating his date(?) in public. It looked like he might attack her at any moment. My date wanted me to go over and "intervene" because I am a big guy.
I told her that we should stay across the street from where they were and if it came to something physical, I would then say something to the "man" and we would take it from there. My date didn't think this was an adequate response, that's when I knew the relationship would not last; but we shadowed them for a block or two until a cop car was passing. I flagged the cop down and explained what I was seeing. The cop went over to speak to the couple and I decided that was the time for us to leave. My date still wanted to stay and "watch over the girl"; I almost had to drag her away.
My conclusion is that indeed, the woman I was with did not understand that (a) it was none of our business as long as things stayed non-physical and (b) once the cops were involved, it was totally out of our concern.
I tried to talk it over with the woman later but she could not see it my way. I think that either she was one of those women who just want to see men fighting, or she could not understand that "not standing up" for a stranger on the street had no relationship to whether or not someone would stand up for her.
Alternative phrasing
"She tried to talk it over with me and I could not see it her way. In fact, I might not have even listened to her since I'm unable to articulate here what her point of view was".
Perhaps she had been attacked in a similar situation and that's why she felt the need to "watch over" her.
Or her in-groups includes other women and not just "her woman"
There's a topic about a waitress body slaming a guy that grabbed her butt, it got me thinking, what would you guys do if you saw a guy grab your woman's rear or the like? Beat him up?
My wife is tough and puts off an aura of low tolerance for BS. Early in our marriage, she slapped the absolute snot out of a guy at an office party for grabbing her ass.
It was beautiful. I was across the room and noticed this guy edging closer to her as she was talking to some co-workers. I was about to come over there when he slid her hand down to her butt. Without missing a beat, she gave him a smack him across the chops that sent him staggering and resumed her conversation as if nothing had happened.
She then strolled into HR the following Monday and lodged a complaint. They asked if she wanted him fired. No, she replied, a simple warning will do.
It’s a tough situation because your first instinct is to say or do something but like others have said that can lead to a potentially dangerous situation.
I think you see more women in here being on the side of you must do or say something because there not the ones who are in danger if words escalate to a fight the man is..
As Men we know the consequences of a confrontation..I feel women don’t fully grasp those repricussions which is probably why they don’t seem to understand the people who say do nothing.
Because women never get threatened or assaulted...or violated, right? Oh wait! This is about the reaction to just that. Funny. We do understand what that kind of thing is like, believe me, not all men are gentlemen, or we wouldn't be having this conversation..
Because women never get threatened or assaulted...or violated, right? Oh wait! This is about the reaction to just that. Funny. We do understand what that kind of thing is like, believe me, not all men are gentlemen, or we wouldn't be having this conversation..
I’m sorry but having your ass grabbed is not the same as what can happen when two grown men are beating the crap out of each other.
When a confrontation happens it’s the men who have to fight and the consequences can be severe for many reasons.
So yes having some creep grab your ass is annoying and shouldn’t happen but is the worst case scenario for that situation worth it over some drunk guy touching you for a second?
I read the thread and as it happen my wife asked me what I was reading. We discussed for a while and ultimately agreed ya hard to know exactly what I’d do, but that the situation dictates. My first instinct is always likely going to be to want to make a guy pay, but that is emotion doing the “thinking” and that can get people into trouble. Even just saying something to someone is risky because you only say something if you are prepared for the situation to escalate. In all likelihood the situation would escalate because the kind of guy who is brazen enough to sexually assault a woman with her partner right there is not likely worried about consequences. And there’s one of the biggest issues: most reasonable people do live with a healthy respect for the consequences of their choices and actions. For someone like this going up against someone with a lower respect (or none at all) for the same is a dangerous proposition. And the legal ramifications are just the start of it. You simply have no idea how something like this can unwind and how quickly you can lose control.
With this in mind wife and I agreed assuming no immediate threat, the best call is to stand down. If possible call authorities, etc, but not confront the person alone. In the short run I may look like a coward to a guy who chose to sexually assault my wife with me right there. In the long run his opinion of me doesn’t matter. My wife and I are playing the long game. If the offense is passing and there is no real threat then reacting by confronting the perp is probably a bad idea.
If there is still an immediate threat that is a different story. A passing smack on her ass as a guy walks by, while still sexual assault, does not need to be a life changing experience for us. A deep breath and a deliberate effort to control emotions and it won’t be.
The one I was married to was a "beat the hell outta the guy!" guard-dog type. He also looked for opportunities to get into fights all over the place, and was forever posturing and trying to prove to the world what a manly man he was. I guess back in Iowa in the 80's you could brawl in bars and not go to jail for assault, but times have changed. They'd already changed when he and I met. I worked on de-escalating his desire for confrontation the whole time we were together. I did not need or want him to charge into honorable battle on my behalf. Nope.
If my LIFE is in danger, yeah, I'd hope he'd help me out. But something like a bad touch? An "insult to my honor?" Please, no. And it is my opinion that the guy who is all about stepping up into those fights, is the kind who is going to be STARTING DRAMA and looking for conflict. Hard pass, please, on all that noise.
I am much more of a "think things through and avoid problems as much as possible through prevention" person, and thankfully my present partner is, too. We don't drink, and neither of us like conflict or relish a fight. After my ex...he's exactly the kind of man I need.
Now the video that started this conversation...that waitress made the snap-choice to leap on that guy and attack him, an action for which she surely could have lost her job. I think if I'd been in her shoes, I'd have turned to get a good look at the dude so I could positively identify him, maybe yelled, "Hey! Come back here!" and said to the nearest person, "Did you see that? Did you see what he just did?" and try to find a witness...and my only act of retribution would be to throw the nearest ice cold drink at his crotch and tell him to cool off. Could that cost her her job? Yes. But at least no one is being actually injuriously assaulted.
Hell, I wouldn't want to wrassle some dude like that, my luck is I'd fall down too and I'd be the one that got hurt.
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