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Not what I meant at all... I got the impression he thinks men have to be afraid of violence, and women only have to be afraid of getting their ass grabbed, not so. If we speak up, there's just as much a chance of something unexpected happening.
Back to the OP: all I'm saying is if I was with a guy, and some random touched me and did something in an abusive manner, I would be very disappointed if he said nothing. I'm picturing the last time that happened and it has happened, I was walking to the bathroom in a bar when a man sitting at a table put his foot up on a bar stool so that I had to step over his leg --he then lifted his leg all the way up so it was between my legs and he had his knee in my crotch. It was such a quick bizarre thing that happened, the guy I was with was behind me instantly, and said: "That's not something you want to do. Not tonight, not to this lady." The guy put his leg down, and said nothing. I wasn't alone. I thought that was admirable. I get to have that opinion. There was no shooting or shanking, he wasn't a Hells Angel or a gangster, just a douchebag in a bar.
I’m sorry but having your ass grabbed is not the same as what can happen when two grown men are beating the crap out of each other.
When a confrontation happens it’s the men who have to fight and the consequences can be severe for many reasons.
So yes having some creep grab your ass is annoying and shouldn’t happen but is the worst case scenario for that situation worth it over some drunk guy touching you for a second?
Having a man grab my ass (your words) is not "annoying." It IS sexual assault. THAT is what it is. And, you would know that if you were a woman.
Having a man grab my ass (your words) is not "annoying." It IS sexual assault. THAT is what it is. And, you would know that if you were a woman.
and a woman grabbing a man's rear end is not assault? or is a woman's rear end worthy of a full out brawl and all the consequences thereafter. Of course things should be said.... but the only people who posture such and so quick to escalate with fists I surmise have never actually been in a situation that involved arrest and hospitalization... maybe time in jail. I'm pretty sure any woman who has taken a fist full from a much larger man would be hesitant escalate such a situation when 1) stranger 2) the surroundings/who is with him 3) or what is unseen (ie weapons).
Been there done that.... I'm the smaller male in our group. My much larger buddies will back me up... but it better be for a good reason. If its all over something as inconsequential as a few insulting words or someone grabbing one of the females in our group rear end... then my buddies just might take it out on me afterwards.
and a woman grabbing a man's rear end is not assault? or is a woman's rear end worthy of a full out brawl and all the consequences thereafter. Of course things should be said.... but the only people who posture such and so quick to escalate with fists I surmise have never actually been in a situation that involved arrest and hospitalization... maybe time in jail.
Been there done that.... I'm the smaller male in our group. My much larger buddies will back me up... but it better be for a good reason. If its all over something as inconsequential as a few insulting words or someone grabbing one of the females in our group rear end... then my buddies just might take it out on me afterwards.
Yes, a woman grabbing a man's ass is also a sexual assault. Never would say it isn't. The door swings both ways on that. People should keep their hands to themselves, period.
To clarify, I have never, and would never, ask or expect a man to fight, literally or figuratively, any of my battles for me. I am quite capable of defending myself, no matter the circumstances, thank you very much.
Yes, a woman grabbing a man's ass is also a sexual assault. Never would say it isn't. The door swings both ways on that. People should keep their hands to themselves, period.
To clarify, I have never, and would never, ask or expect a man to fight, literally or figuratively, any of my battles for me. I am quite capable of defending myself, no matter the circumstances, thank you very much.
And you don't see too many fist fights over a man's ass being groped...
The only people who say such things.... are not living in reality or have never been in such situations.
Trained whatever.... you don't know your surroundings, stranger, nor situation. Anyone who is truly trained to defend themselves will say the same... in almost every situation.... you don't.. you diffuse first.
As a female, being assaulted by a male... you don't have a say so in the matter. Other men in your group WILL get involved. However, it is them, NOT YOU, that will bare the consequences afterwards... consequences for YOUR actions. That is the point that my female friends, who are no strangers to assault, are making. They are acknowledging the reality that their actions will determine whether we as a group get to continue to enjoy the night and go home... Now if it escalates beyond just groping words etc... then oh yeh... things will get messy.... not afraid of that either
The only people who say such things.... are not living in reality or have never been in such situations.
Trained whatever.... you don't know your surroundings, stranger, nor situation. Anyone who is truly trained to defend themselves will say the same... in almost every situation.... you don't.. you diffuse first.
As a female, being assaulted by a male... you don't have a say so in the matter. Other men in your group WILL get involved. However, it is them, NOT YOU, that will bare the consequences afterwards... consequences for YOUR actions. That is the point that my female friends, who are no strangers to assault, are making. They are acknowledging the reality that their actions will determine whether we as a group get to continue to enjoy the night and go home... Now if it escalates beyond just groping words etc... then oh yeh... things will get messy.
usayit, your words are mere assumptions about me; you don't even know me. I will tell you with certainty, I DO live in reality and have foe many years. If you choose to diffuse a situation, that's your choice, and I wish the best outcome for you.
I did not say I would not attempt to deescalate a problem. But, I will not allow anyone to lay their hands on me who are not invited to do so. I did not get a warning, so I do not have to give one. To each her own.
usayit, your words are mere assumptions about me; you don't even know me. I will tell you with certainty, I DO live in reality and have foe many years. If you choose to diffuse a situation, that's your choice, and I wish the best outcome for you.
I did not say I would not attempt to deescalate a problem. But, I will not allow anyone to lay their hands on me who are not invited to do so. I did not get a warning, so I do not have to give one. To each her own.
No I don't but your words are very revealing of a certain level of inexperience in the matter.
Another woman's post here sounds like someone who does
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
The one I was married to was a "beat the hell outta the guy!" guard-dog type. He also looked for opportunities to get into fights all over the place, and was forever posturing and trying to prove to the world what a manly man he was. I guess back in Iowa in the 80's you could brawl in bars and not go to jail for assault, but times have changed. They'd already changed when he and I met. I worked on de-escalating his desire for confrontation the whole time we were together. I did not need or want him to charge into honorable battle on my behalf. Nope.
If my LIFE is in danger, yeah, I'd hope he'd help me out. But something like a bad touch? An "insult to my honor?" Please, no. And it is my opinion that the guy who is all about stepping up into those fights, is the kind who is going to be STARTING DRAMA and looking for conflict. Hard pass, please, on all that noise.
I am much more of a "think things through and avoid problems as much as possible through prevention" person, and thankfully my present partner is, too. We don't drink, and neither of us like conflict or relish a fight. After my ex...he's exactly the kind of man I need.
Now the video that started this conversation...that waitress made the snap-choice to leap on that guy and attack him, an action for which she surely could have lost her job. I think if I'd been in her shoes, I'd have turned to get a good look at the dude so I could positively identify him, maybe yelled, "Hey! Come back here!" and said to the nearest person, "Did you see that? Did you see what he just did?" and try to find a witness...and my only act of retribution would be to throw the nearest ice cold drink at his crotch and tell him to cool off. Could that cost her her job? Yes. But at least no one is being actually injuriously assaulted.
Hell, I wouldn't want to wrassle some dude like that, my luck is I'd fall down too and I'd be the one that got hurt.
No I don't but your words are very revealing of a certain level of inexperience in the matter.
Another woman's post here sounds like someone who does
Well, then what you're saying is every woman is the same, and we are not. Now, it sounds like you are trying to "win" a differences with me, so I respectfully decline the engagement.
No, the correct action to take is the one that I feel is right. Or are you saying that I should have approached a stranger to kick ass or get my ass kicked - based on someone else's opinion of what the situation is and what I should do?
Of course
But, so what?
Still appears you expect her to acquiesce to your point of view.
Almost having to drag her away is you respecting her doing what she feels is right?
Her not "understanding" that it was none of [your] business as long as things stayed non-physical isn't you taking the action you feel is right. It's you expecting her to accept your opinion as correct.
We seem to have a lot of "tough" people here who have no idea how life works at all.
Some women want a man to defend their honor when in reality you don't what kind of danger this person presents.
Say your bf or husband confronts the guy and he gets stabbed or shot, or he throws a punch and he goes to jail. But it's all worth it to you cause he defended your honor, right?
Call the cops and let the law deal with the guy who sexually harassed you. In these times now it's not worth it to pick an argument or fight with someone like that.
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