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This is mostly my fault, because I suggested we move here in the first place. I made the classic mistake "It's a great place to vacation, so let's move there!" It blew up in my face.
I made the same mistake in Santa Fe. I had vacationed there and liked the artsy ambience because I'm an amateur artist. I also loved the pueblo architecture.
Luckily I was (and am) single, so there was no problem returning to L.A. And I had been gone less than a year so I didn't get priced out.
It was a good experience for me, I learned that I had been comparing all the bad in L.A. to all the good in S.F. Once I got my head screwed on straight I compared both good and bad in both cities, and learned that I had been discounting the good in L.A. when I should have been considering both good and bad. As a result of my experience I am very happy now, knowing I'll be here for the rest of my life.
That part about your career, that is a very serious consideration. You are in your earning years and your 401k, savings, investments, Social Security, all will be affected negatively by your inability to earn maximal income. When you retire you will be restricted, maybe even have to put up with PS in retirement because you can't afford to travel.
I think you should emphasize your employment and earnings to your wife. Her choice will affect both your retirement in a very negative way.
Don't dis yourself for making a bad decision. We all make bad choices, we hope our bad choices can be fixed.
Can you try to make a good effort to like it there?
I mean airconditioned gyms aren't so bad -- can't get everything.
And from your wife's perspective why wouldn't she think you would just do this again if you find something imperfect about the next place, again after she made the effort to build another social life and make the area work for her? I don't know, I know its tough or you wouldn't be here posting -- I wish you well though.
You said your wife works from home. How do you make a living in Palm Desert?
Quote:
Originally Posted by pacific_ocean
My wife and I moved from L.A. to Palm Desert three years ago, and it hasn't turned out the way I expected.
We've been to the desert before on short vacations, but living here year-round is a miserable experience. I hate the summers. The heat is oppressive and relentless. I'm in the middle of my third summer here, and finally reached my breaking point the other day when it was 122 degrees.
I would like to move back to LA, but wife is happy here (she works from home, has a bigger social network, and doesn't mind the heat.). Anytime I bring up moving, it turns into a big argument. She wants to stay. We are in our late 30's, so I can't imagine living here the rest of my life.
I'm thinking of moving by myself, getting a small apartment in the city, and coming out to the desert on weekends. I really don't want to live apart from my wife, but how can I continue to live someplace where I absolutely despise the weather for half the year?
I'm less active here than I used to be, and I know it's affecting my physical and mental health. I don't like gyms, I like to exercise outdoors. And sorry, but I just don't feel like going for a run when it's 120 degrees outside.
I feel trapped. I didn't know what I was getting into and I didn't know how permanent it would be.
I honestly feel for you, OP. And yes, my husband permanently refused to move. If we did not have children I would have left long ago and gone back home.
I honestly feel for you, OP. And yes, my husband permanently refused to move. If we did not have children I would have left long ago and gone back home.
I made the same mistake in Santa Fe. I had vacationed there and liked the artsy ambience because I'm an amateur artist. I also loved the pueblo architecture.
That part about your career, that is a very serious consideration. You are in your earning years and your 401k, savings, investments, Social Security, all will be affected negatively by your inability to earn maximal income. When you retire you will be restricted, maybe even have to put up with PS in retirement because you can't afford to travel.
I think you should emphasize your employment and earnings to your wife. Her choice will affect both your retirement in a very negative way.
This is a really important point, hope she sees it that way.
If her "social network" and small town traffic are more important to her than the happiness of her husband, I'd say you have a marriage problem. Better focus on that issue first and worry about where to live later.
My advice is to stay where you are and instead of spending the money on a second place to live in LA, take mini vacations with your wife to somewhere cooler during the intense summer.
You're right it backfired and now I think you have to be an adult and live with your decision. She's uprooted for you once. Don't ask her to do it again.
Plus your main complaint is the weather. Well, a simple google search before you moved would have told you what the weather was going to be like.
Now you are going to have to adjust your lifestyle. Maybe take up swimming for exercise, or go running in the early morning. I'm sure not every day its 122. So stop being so picky. If you were living somewhere else you'd still have days you couldn't exercise outside due to rain.
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