Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The OP's mistake lost his ex-girlfriend what she thought was her stable, long term boyfriend and her best friend of over a decade at the same time.
That's not an "oopsie."
That the ex-girlfriend lost her boyfriend to her BFF is a tough one, no argument.
Still from what the OP has written it doesn't sound as if the girlfriend was unaware of certain incompatibilities between herself and OP. Were these relationship deal-breakers? Often they are not - until along comes a relationship-stressor. In this case, it was the presence of the BFF and the mutual feelings. Had the 2yo relationship progressed into marriage, no doubt there would have been other stressors - money, sex what have you.
Here I wouldn't underestimate how relationship "inertia" puts many incompatible couples together. Offhand, I can think of two couples who eventually married even though the men were reluctant with the women (from various comments) not at all unaware on some level but then in response holding on even tighter. Plus ... having more children even after the fissures appeared, which then added even more stress.
OP doesn't really say what their longterm expectations had been. But from how he described some of his reactions to his GF in that long Original Post I wouldn't have described their existing relationship as "stable."
The saddest part is that you formed a committed relationship with someone you don't seem to have strong feelings for. After 6 dates!
If you were in the sort of relationship you pretended you were, you may have noticed her friend on some level... but not the way she smells, how she reacts to you, etc. You were open to feeling something for her because you were half in/half out of your current relationship.
Is that a habit of yours?
Bingo! WHY do people enter into official relationships with people they don't totally dig? Don't get it; never have.
If you take a step back you’ll realize the following:
1 - you’re not in love you’re infatuated
2 - the male hormone system is designed and predicated upon spreading the seed per say. Your reproductive system was triggered and likely indicated that she would a a well suited mate.
Knowing this you can either act upon your desires or re-assess your current relationship. You seem to be seeking self gratification with your response to the friends compliments. Not sure exactly what you’re looking for but I’d suggest giving your current girlfriend a fair shake of things as you have been together for two years.
Your heart is with the new girl and the feeling is mutual. The Universe simply used your girlfriend to bring her to you. And this isn't some spontaneous thing; it is nearly two years of getting to know each other.
You should follow your heart on this one.
And this! Drawing it out when you’re not happy with your girlfriend is not helping anything. And even if you don’t end up with friend long term, at least you’re not leading your girlfriend on when your feelings for her have changed.
I just hope and pray the ex girlfriend can find new people in her life that won't "accidentely" screw her over.
OP, I wouldn't tell this story to anyone else.
No matter how you may try to dress it up with nice words, it'll never "look good."
Just do your thing and be happy quietly.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
