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You don’t say? I assumed that as well. The only thing is that he mentioned that he’s up front with people and sends rejection texts after dates when he’s not interested, but I haven’t received one as of yet.
Rejection texts? You have a serial dater on your hands. They are often un-enthused and low-energy on dates because they are so burned out and unable to be stimulated.
Rejection texts? You have a serial dater on your hands. They are often un-enthused and low-energy on dates because they are so burned out and unable to be stimulated.
The way he explained it was that he thinks it’s the polite thing to do and that women prefer receiving them instead of just never hearing from the guy again. I won’t assume that that automatically makes him a serial dater.
Ok, so I've obviously been out on many dinner dates before, but I went on my first dinner date of this year a few days ago. (I did get drinks and appetizer type food with someone earlier this year, but I'm not going to count that.)
It is August and it is only your 2nd first date of the year and you've not been in a relationship all of 2018. That's problematic. Look at your daily routines. Why aren't you getting approached all the time? Why aren't you being asked out in the mall, the grocery store, the gym, the bar? My sense is that your daily routines are not putting you in contact with enough singles. If you are under 40, there is a massive surplus of single men. If you are 40+, the field is closer to evening out, but still pretty good if you are a woman. There may also be some social issues on your part.
Also, why are you agreeing to a dinner date? Dinner dates are boring, as I am about to explain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
You don’t say? I assumed that as well. The only thing is that he mentioned that he’s up front with people and sends rejection texts after dates when he’s not interested, but I haven’t received one as of yet.
He made the decision on Friday night to not see you again. The decision might have even been made before you parted ways on Friday night. The rejection text is pointless. I've gotten both the "I've had a good time, but I do not feel a connection" text and complete silence to end things. I prefer complete silence. The so-called polite text rejection is condescending.
Now, ask yourself why he chose not to see you again. I stopped going out on dinner dates before having sex with a woman many years ago. It is one of the best decisions that I have ever made. In all the meal dates that I had prior to enacting this helpful rule for me not to waste my time and money, all I considered was whether or not I had progressed on the path to getting laid with this woman. Ideally, it would be fantastic to get laid on the first date. However, if I did not get laid on the first date, is it probable that this date put me in a position to get laid in the near future with this person? If the answer is no, no second date is offered.
This date of yours might have sensed some social discomfort and not a high likelihood of getting laid. If there was hope that things were progressing towards getting laid, he would have seen things through. I do not think your decision to wrap up leftovers alone tipped the scales against the possibility of a 2nd date. I would say that the entire evening was probably a giant dud. It's not entirely your fault that the entire evening was a dud. He picked to go out on a dinner date, indicating that he, like you, may have social issues. If you are not sitting side where he can easily touch you playfully and flirt to set up the first kiss, it's an at best neutral interaction of 2 people sitting across from each other. When two people sit across from each other, the spatial distance discourages the development of a physical connection.
In the future, go for drinks dates. Wear a sexy red or black dress or wear a sleeveless top and a skirt or non-jeans pants. A little alcohol will loosen you up and bring out the fun parts of your personality. Make playful gestures. He'll kiss you if he's socially adept. Let the evening take you far. Maybe he'll invite back to his place or stop after a delightful kiss. Either way, it'll be way more fun than that giant dud of a dinner date evening.
It is August and it is only your 2nd first date of the year and you've not been in a relationship all of 2018. That's problematic. Look at your daily routines. Why aren't you getting approached all the time? Why aren't you being asked out in the mall, the grocery store, the gym, the bar? My sense is that your daily routines are not putting you in contact with enough singles. If you are under 40, there is a massive surplus of single men. If you are 40+, the field is closer to evening out, but still pretty good if you are a woman. There may also be some social issues on your part.
Also, why are you agreeing to a dinner date? Dinner dates are boring, as I am about to explain.
I didn't say that it was my second first date of the year. I said that it was my first dinner date. Either way, it doesn't matter. I don't have a certain number of dates that I must go on each year. I agreed to the dinner date because I think it's a perfectly acceptable date to suggest, so there's no reason why I wouldn't go.
Quote:
He made the decision on Friday night to not see you again. The decision might have even been made before you parted ways on Friday night. The rejection text is pointless. I've gotten both the "I've had a good time, but I do not feel a connection" text and complete silence to end things. I prefer complete silence. The so-called polite text rejection is condescending.
Yeah, I don't normally receive rejection texts and I don't really think they'd make me feel any better.
Quote:
Now, ask yourself why he chose not to see you again. I stopped going out on dinner dates before having sex with a woman many years ago. It is one of the best decisions that I have ever made. In all the meal dates that I had prior to enacting this helpful rule for me not to waste my time and money, all I considered was whether or not I had progressed on the path to getting laid with this woman. Ideally, it would be fantastic to get laid on the first date. However, if I did not get laid on the first date, is it probable that this date put me in a position to get laid in the near future with this person? If the answer is no, no second date is offered.
This date of yours might have sensed some social discomfort and not a high likelihood of getting laid. If there was hope that things were progressing towards getting laid, he would have seen things through. I do not think your decision to wrap up leftovers alone tipped the scales against the possibility of a 2nd date. I would say that the entire evening was probably a giant dud. It's not entirely your fault that the entire evening was a dud. He picked to go out on a dinner date, indicating that he, like you, may have social issues. If you are not sitting side where he can easily touch you playfully and flirt to set up the first kiss, it's an at best neutral interaction of 2 people sitting across from each other. When two people sit across from each other, the spatial distance discourages the development of a physical connection.
We were sitting side by side at a table, but I'm fine with sitting across from each other at a booth too. It doesn't matter to me. I'm there to have a conversation- not to make it easier for someone to have physical access to me during the date.
Quote:
In the future, go for drinks dates. Wear a sexy red or black dress or wear a sleeveless top and a skirt or non-jeans pants. A little alcohol will loosen you up and bring out the fun parts of your personality. Make playful gestures. He'll kiss you if he's socially adept. Let the evening take you far. Maybe he'll invite back to his place or stop after a delightful kiss. Either way, it'll be way more fun than that giant dud of a dinner date evening.
Thanks, but in the future I'll do whatever I'm comfortable with. It doesn't matter to me whether I remain single or only go out on "X" dates per year. I can deal with that.
We were sitting side by side at a table, but I'm fine with sitting across from each other at a booth too. It doesn't matter to me. I'm there to have a conversation- not to make it easier for someone to have physical access to me during the date.
Thanks, but in the future I'll do whatever I'm comfortable with. It doesn't matter to me whether I remain single or only go out on "X" dates per year. I can deal with that.
The point of dating is not to have a conversation. If you want to have a conversation, you have parents, siblings, cousins, friends, psychologists, co-workers, and so on. Any of those people will have a conversation with you. The point of going on a date is to develop a physical and emotional connection.
I don't get the sense that you project a fun and flirty vibe on your dates from the tone of these responses. This may indicate why many of your dates don't go anywhere.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312
The point of dating is not to have a conversation. If you want to have a conversation, you have parents, siblings, cousins, friends, psychologists, co-workers, and so on. Any of those people will have a conversation with you. The point of going on a date is to develop a physical and emotional connection.
I don't get the sense that you project a fun and flirty vibe on your dates from the tone of these responses. This may indicate why many of your dates don't go anywhere.
These things for many of us flow from the conversation. I never, or super rarely, have developed either without good conversations.
That said, if neither of these things come from those conversations, then yeah, something is off. Picking wrong people, or a person may not be mentally/emotionally available, or any number of reasons. It's impossible to say.
Last edited by timberline742; 08-07-2018 at 06:16 AM..
The point of dating is not to have a conversation. If you want to have a conversation, you have parents, siblings, cousins, friends, psychologists, co-workers, and so on. Any of those people will have a conversation with you. The point of going on a date is to develop a physical and emotional connection.
I don't get the sense that you project a fun and flirty vibe on your dates from the tone of these responses. This may indicate why many of your dates don't go anywhere.
Don’t tell me what the point of a first date is for ME. I’m there to have a conversation like I said. As far as projecting a “fun and flirty” vibe, the guys I meet don’t project that either so why should I? I act like myself and I assume that they act like themselves.
Don’t tell me what the point of a first date is for ME. I’m there to have a conversation like I said. As far as projecting a “fun and flirty” vibe, the guys I meet don’t project that either so why should I? I act like myself and I assume that they act like themselves.
These guys appear to be duds. The whole environment seems like a downer on your dates. You are half the equation and you can control your own behavior. As for the men, you can screen them better. This is where meeting in person first appears to be the solution. In a 5 minute conversation in the grocery store, you can sense their energy and vibe. A 5 minute conversation in a grocery store would save you a 1-3 hour drinks and/or dinner date. It's way more difficult to assess compatibility behind electronic screens.
Once again, I perceive your attitude as rude. If I'm perceiving you as having an off putting attitude, then it is possible that this is happening on your dates as well.
These guys appear to be duds. The whole environment seems like a downer on your dates. You are half the equation and you can control your own behavior. As for the men, you can screen them better. This is where meeting in person first appears to be the solution. In a 5 minute conversation in the grocery store, you can sense their energy and vibe. A 5 minute conversation in a grocery store would save you a 1-3 hour drinks and/or dinner date. It's way more difficult to assess compatibility behind electronic screens.
Once again, I perceive your attitude as rude. If I'm perceiving you as having an off putting attitude, then it is possible that this is happening on your dates as well.
Why is my attitude rude? Because I don’t agree with your dating approach? The advice that you’re giving me is to be flirty, dress sexy, and make it as easy as possible for men to have sex with me. Sorry, but I’m not interested in doing that. Nothing that you’re suggesting benefits me in any way. I’m ok with not seeing these guys again if that’s what it’s going to take to spark their interest.
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