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Do you know what it means to center yourself? To be in an equilibrium??
When really good things come your way, sway with flexibility, don't get overwhelmed by it. When really bad things come your way, do the same...sway with flexibility, don't get overwhelmed.
Then always come back to your center. If you flex, you don't break.
Bend with the times but return always to your equilibrium, your center.
Thing is I have success. I've had sex last week and went on two dates with different women. Thing is sometimes I dwell on the ones that reject me and take it as though they think they are 'better' than me.
Oh dear. That is a very unhealthy attitude. You are ascribing thoughts and beliefs to people you barely know. You are engaging in negative, worst-case mindreading. Which can lead to bitterness and toxic generalizing of whole groups of people.
Keep these words in your mind:
"The world is not my mirror. My experience is not the same as others'."
Oh dear. That is a very unhealthy attitude. You are ascribing thoughts and beliefs to people you barely know. You are engaging in negative, worst-case mindreading. Which can lead to bitterness and toxic generalizing of whole groups of people.
Keep these words in your mind:
"The world is not my mirror. My experience is not the same as others'."
Great post, love the last bit especially.
My personal take. In thinking not only of times I have been rejected by people I considered to be potential partners, but also friendly social attempts where the other person has been aloof and cold, and further, to the odd random stranger who has been inexplicably hostile to me. The key to recovering from any salty feelings I had about it, has been compassion. The magical silver bullet for me. Because it puts me in a headspace where I feel like a decent person, fills me with calm and goodwill and keeps me kind to myself.
Compassion means that if someone is aloof or hostile, instead of thinking about what it says about me, or how they may have judged me, I consider that they have this whole life I know nothing about. They could be having a terrible day. They may have lost a pet, or have a parent or a child in a hospital, or anything could be going on in their world. I don't know, and it's none of my business. At the outside, maybe they are just a very negative person and have a lot of anger or hostility that makes them so rejecting of a nice person's attempt to speak to them. In which case, that poor soul, they have to live with that and carry that, and maybe they are isolated or lack social support or love because they push others away.
A man once got out of a vehicle and came up to my car when I was stuck in traffic and screamed profanity at me, veins bulging out of his head...if I'd been male I think he would have tried to physically attack me, or pull me out of my car he was so enraged. I hadn't done anything to really deserve it, but that guy was going all Hulk Hogan on meth at me. It was terrifying. My kids were in the car. After we got away, and as I was recovering my equilibrium (shaking, I was that scared) my sons were asking what was wrong with that guy and why he did that. I told them, I think he must have a very bad life, and his anger will probably give him a heart attack one day. That poor man.
Engaging the part of me that is caring or compassionate, immediately erases any feelings of personal affront, when anyone treats me in any way I don't like.
this one will re-program your brain :
[Mod cut: no advertising/self promoting]
Rejection: it is not always about YOU!
In essence, there are many reasons why you get rejected and believe it or not most of those reasons have nothing to do with you.
Pardon my directness but you seem to think like the whole dating scene is about YOU. People have issues, problems, medical conditions, exes lurking on the background. Many of them happen to have second thoughts about past breakups, could be just freshly broken up, divorced, feeling insecure, depressed, 'not ready to date', feeling jaded and tired etc. All of the above contribute and WILL ALWAYS effect their next relationship. So, let me ask you again - dont you think it is ridiculous and a bit arrogant on your part to think that their rejecting behavior is ALWAYS about YOU. REALLY???
I always had self confidence and knew what I bought to the table. Although I rarely got rejected, when I did I always thought two things, the first was it was her loss because I knew I was going to make a lot of money, and the other was knowing that it is unrealistic to think that every girl I meet will want to be with me.
You can also view it as a game of odds as I learned in sales. For every 5 rejections you get a new girlfriend. Therefore every rejection brings you closer to your goal. I have a lot of girlfriends/sex partners because I was never afraid of rejection. Women like self confidence in a man as well as a good sense of humor. Do what I used to do, only approach the girls who show an interest in you. If you see a girl looking at you or one smiles when you look at her, go for it. I rarely got rejected because I always waited for a sign of interest from a girl. It might just be walking past her or sitting next to her in a bar or somewhere else. I could usually tell when a girl was into me. It is a skill that anyone can acquire if they do not fear rejection. As I was told so many times, you cannot hit a home run every time and can never ever hit one if you do not swing the bat. Think about it. What is the worst that can happen if you get rejected? You do not get the girl. If you never try, you do not get the girl either. The only way to get the girl is to try. So if you get rejected you are in the same place as if you never tried.
I always had self confidence and knew what I bought to the table. Although I rarely got rejected, when I did I always thought two things, the first was it was her loss because I knew I was going to make a lot of money, and the other was knowing that it is unrealistic to think that every girl I meet will want to be with me.
You can also view it as a game of odds as I learned in sales. For every 5 rejections you get a new girlfriend. Therefore every rejection brings you closer to your goal. I have a lot of girlfriends/sex partners because I was never afraid of rejection. Women like self confidence in a man as well as a good sense of humor. Do what I used to do, only approach the girls who show an interest in you. If you see a girl looking at you or one smiles when you look at her, go for it. I rarely got rejected because I always waited for a sign of interest from a girl. It might just be walking past her or sitting next to her in a bar or somewhere else. I could usually tell when a girl was into me. It is a skill that anyone can acquire if they do not fear rejection. As I was told so many times, you cannot hit a home run every time and can never ever hit one if you do not swing the bat. Think about it. What is the worst that can happen if you get rejected? You do not get the girl. If you never try, you do not get the girl either. The only way to get the girl is to try. So if you get rejected you are in the same place as if you never tried.
See, I don't even know vinny, and i want to date him.
I always had self confidence and knew what I bought to the table. Although I rarely got rejected, when I did I always thought two things, the first was it was her loss because I knew I was going to make a lot of money, and the other was knowing that it is unrealistic to think that every girl I meet will want to be with me.
You can also view it as a game of odds as I learned in sales. For every 5 rejections you get a new girlfriend. Therefore every rejection brings you closer to your goal. I have a lot of girlfriends/sex partners because I was never afraid of rejection. Women like self confidence in a man as well as a good sense of humor. Do what I used to do, only approach the girls who show an interest in you. If you see a girl looking at you or one smiles when you look at her, go for it. I rarely got rejected because I always waited for a sign of interest from a girl. It might just be walking past her or sitting next to her in a bar or somewhere else. I could usually tell when a girl was into me. It is a skill that anyone can acquire if they do not fear rejection. As I was told so many times, you cannot hit a home run every time and can never ever hit one if you do not swing the bat. Think about it. What is the worst that can happen if you get rejected? You do not get the girl. If you never try, you do not get the girl either. The only way to get the girl is to try. So if you get rejected you are in the same place as if you never tried.
Unless you are one of the select few guys who are considered "hot", then girls don't really ever become interested in you before they meet you.
I agree with Vinny. When I'm chatting with a woman the vibes are totally different if she's interested in me, vs. just being polite. All a man has to do is be sensitive to the feedback he's getting to know whether he should back off or move forward. Women know how to send whichever signals they want. It's a game of sorts and I don't mean that in a bad way.
The problem is men who are too insensitive to read the signals. I guess the female version would be a woman sending mixed signals.
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