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Hi,
This is it, I know my bf for more than 5 years and we've dated in the past and now we're back together. It's been a year since we're in a relationship. I lived at his house and everything's pretty good. But...actually, it's been months (really, like almost 8 months) that he never wants to spend alone time with me and this is not by saying "no" directly to me when I propose something. It's more about excuses he makes, like every single day he's tired, or just don't want to do the activity I bring up.
Well, so I stopped asking and once, I complained about doing nothing with him and he told me that I'd never ask anything ???? but I did, for weeks and got (legit!) tired of it because he'd refuse, and then, an argument starts and I always end up shutting myself down.
I must add something, we almost hang out every 2 days with his friends, like there's no problem he says he loves when I'm here with his friends and he gets sad if I say no when he wants me to join him and his friends. So I've never thought he's ashamed of showing me, as he always bring me up when I feel down, ugly etc.
So, I'd like to know from a man point of view or even a girl, what y'all think?
The only time we hang out just the two of us, it's for buying groceries or an appointment, he used to take me on date sometimes, restaurant, cinema, walking....but someday he just stopped and I've never figured out why.
PS: talking with him is quite impossible because he always repeats that there's no problem, that everything's going good, and if I try to deepen the talk he feels attacked and isolate himself from me...
Hi,
This is it, I know my bf for more than 5 years and we've dated in the past and now we're back together. It's been a year since we're in a relationship. I lived at his house and everything's pretty good. But...actually, it's been months (really, like almost 8 months) that he never wants to spend alone time with me and this is not by saying "no" directly to me when I propose something. It's more about excuses he makes, like every single day he's tired, or just don't want to do the activity I bring up.
Well, so I stopped asking and once, I complained about doing nothing with him and he told me that I'd never ask anything ???? but I did, for weeks and got (legit!) tired of it because he'd refuse, and then, an argument starts and I always end up shutting myself down.
I must add something, we almost hang out every 2 days with his friends, like there's no problem he says he loves when I'm here with his friends and he gets sad if I say no when he wants me to join him and his friends. So I've never thought he's ashamed of showing me, as he always bring me up when I feel down, ugly etc.
So, I'd like to know from a man point of view or even a girl, what y'all think?
The only time we hang out just the two of us, it's for buying groceries or an appointment, he used to take me on date sometimes, restaurant, cinema, walking....but someday he just stopped and I've never figured out why.
PS: talking with him is quite impossible because he always repeats that there's no problem, that everything's going good, and if I try to deepen the talk he feels attacked and isolate himself from me...
OK so I have to ask ... why are you still thinking of this as a relationship? What are you getting out of it REALLY?
Y'all have been together since you were kids. It sounds like he just sees you as a habit, something familiar like an old blanket or a piece of furniture. You don't like it the way he is, and he's proven he's not interested in changing, so ... you're gonna have to do something scary and stop being that old piece of furniture.
OK so I have to ask ... why are you still thinking of this as a relationship? What are you getting out of it REALLY?
Y'all have been together since you were kids. It sounds like he just sees you as a habit, something familiar like an old blanket or a piece of furniture. You don't like it the way he is, and he's proven he's not interested in changing, so ... you're gonna have to do something scary and stop being that old piece of furniture.
Of course this is a solution, but as I don't want to lose him, I'd think about this as the ultimate decision.
So I keep living with expectations but that's so unhealthy for me. I feel like he loves me but he seems bored, and I live thinking it could change soon, so I'm always waiting after some kind of miracle. Because I do want to do stuff with him, I'm 100% invested in the relationship but seems like he's not that much into it..kind of sad to realize!
Of course this is a solution, but as I don't want to lose him, I'd think about this as the ultimate decision.
So I keep living with expectations but that's so unhealthy for me. I feel like he loves me but he seems bored, and I live thinking it could change soon, so I'm always waiting after some kind of miracle. Because I do want to do stuff with him, I'm 100% invested in the relationship but seems like he's not that much into it..kind of sad to realize!
It IS sad, and it's your reality. You will waste your prime dating years waiting for him to change.
He is not showing you that you matter more than his friends, that you are more than a friend. If you aren't even 90% happy with the way things are right now, you NEED to move on.
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I think the "relationship" died, and now you are just roommates/ buddies.
Sorry to say - you just wasted 5 years of your life, because this isn't going anywhere.
BTW: you said you are both shopping for groceries - does that mean you live together - cook, clean, sleep and share household duties?
No, we do have sex and he's always excited, he's not abusive nor absent for sex.
Only thing, he often hides for watching porn and he lies about it when I ask, even though I say it's okay (because it's not like everyday, every weeks)
Actually, he told me once that he has always watched porn when we got back together but not a big deal, and our sex life has always been good so I see no real problem for that part!
I think the "relationship" died, and now you are just roommates/ buddies.
Sorry to say - you just wasted 5 years of your life, because this isn't going anywhere.
BTW: you said you are both shopping for groceries - does that mean you live together - cook, clean, sleep and share household duties?
This is exactly how I feel, like we're just roommates.
Yes, we live together since a year because I moved out and needed a place to live until I find an apartment to live on my own. So we spent a lot of times in his bedroom, him on the computer and me in front of tv...pretty boring, no interaction except for the meals and sometimes he feels like watching a movie with me...otherwise I feel like I am just a plant in his room. But I don't want to blame it on him 100% because it's my fault, I'm at his home 24/7, so we never missed each other, we do everything together but he never ever told me that he wanted space or be alone, he's the first to force me (in a cute way!) to go out with him and his friends.
So, I feel like I am his friend. Because apart sex, there's no romance between us. He doesn't say "I love you" everyday, he never hugs, even though he sometimes kisses me. He has no problem into taking my hand or gently cuddling me in public, in front of his famil/friends/strangers...so that's so confusing for me to know what I represent for him..
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