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I've been thinking about this a lot and I've spoken to a couple of people and now I know what this is about.
To sum up, when she was young and at her physical best, she went after the bad boys. One got her pregnant and took off and the other, well it didn't work out because again she chose badly. Now that she's much older, she is looking for someone who is stable and who would treat her right. She knows she can no longer attract the bad boys because they have plenty of options that are way younger than her. Deep down that's what she still wants. She hasn't matured, she's just desperate.
The thing is, I'm 43 (and more to the point, she is 43), well established and I do have plenty of younger options, so I have no interest, plus I don't appreciate being someone's last option. A couple of people have mentioned certain terms such as a certain type of carousel, and beta bucks and so on, and I have looked up these terms. It makes total sense. And I believe there's a good reason why those terms are as common as they are.
Anyway thanks everyone for your input, but I think it's safe to say that I have the answer I was looking for.
That's what CD is for! Come back again! We're more than happy to answer all and any relationship questions people have absolutely no clue about
To sum up, when she was young and at her physical best, she went after the bad boys. One got her pregnant and took off and the other, well it didn't work out because again she chose badly. Now that she's much older, she is looking for someone who is stable and who would treat her right. She knows she can no longer attract the bad boys because they have plenty of options that are way younger than her.
Well it's about time you just came out and said it. You hinted around enough at your actual agenda but wanted posters here to catch on and do the dirty work for you.
I've been thinking about this a lot and I've spoken to a couple of people and now I know what this is about.
To sum up, when she was young and at her physical best, she went after the bad boys. One got her pregnant and took off and the other, well it didn't work out because again she chose badly. Now that she's much older, she is looking for someone who is stable and who would treat her right. She knows she can no longer attract the bad boys because they have plenty of options that are way younger than her. Deep down that's what she still wants. She hasn't matured, she's just desperate.
The thing is, I'm 43 (and more to the point, she is 43), well established and I do have plenty of younger options, so I have no interest, plus I don't appreciate being someone's last option. A couple of people have mentioned certain terms such as a certain type of carousel, and beta bucks and so on, and I have looked up these terms. It makes total sense. And I believe there's a good reason why those terms are as common as they are.
Anyway thanks everyone for your input, but I think it's safe to say that I have the answer I was looking for.
No, it is this:
She has a tendency to pick guys without knowing them, like she JUST did to you.
No one with any common sense, contacts anyone they have spoken to in 25 years and go "I think you and I are a great match and should get together!!!!"
Her exes could have been "nice guys" just like you, but...... um..... "nice guys" frequently aren't.
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I've been thinking about this a lot and I've spoken to a couple of people and now I know what this is about.
To sum up, when she was young and at her physical best, she went after the bad boys. One got her pregnant and took off and the other, well it didn't work out because again she chose badly. Now that she's much older, she is looking for someone who is stable and who would treat her right. She knows she can no longer attract the bad boys because they have plenty of options that are way younger than her. Deep down that's what she still wants. She hasn't matured, she's just desperate.
The thing is, I'm 43 (and more to the point, she is 43), well established and I do have plenty of younger options, so I have no interest, plus I don't appreciate being someone's last option. A couple of people have mentioned certain terms such as a certain type of carousel, and beta bucks and so on, and I have looked up these terms. It makes total sense. And I believe there's a good reason why those terms are as common as they are.
Anyway thanks everyone for your input, but I think it's safe to say that I have the answer I was looking for.
Don't take our word for it. We are all just speculating. You should meet her for coffee and just see what happens. You should get some sort of idea where she is coming from after you meet with her. It's ok to be friends, just be aware also.
So she thinks your a perfect match without talking to you for 25 years, and you think she wants to use you without talking to her.
I can see where the failure rate is larger than normal in this scenario.
Perhaps you could both benefit from learning to talk and getting to know someone before judging.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I've been thinking about this a lot and I've spoken to a couple of people and now I know what this is about.
To sum up, when she was young and at her physical best, she went after the bad boys. One got her pregnant and took off and the other, well it didn't work out because again she chose badly. Now that she's much older, she is looking for someone who is stable and who would treat her right. She knows she can no longer attract the bad boys because they have plenty of options that are way younger than her. Deep down that's what she still wants. She hasn't matured, she's just desperate.
The thing is, I'm 43 (and more to the point, she is 43), well established and I do have plenty of younger options, so I have no interest, plus I don't appreciate being someone's last option. A couple of people have mentioned certain terms such as a certain type of carousel, and beta bucks and so on, and I have looked up these terms. It makes total sense. And I believe there's a good reason why those terms are as common as they are.
Anyway thanks everyone for your input, but I think it's safe to say that I have the answer I was looking for.
Who fed you that line (bolded)? It seems to me, the most obvious thing would be that she learned from the School Of Hard Knocks, that she was making immature, self-destructive choices. It's entirely possible she saw the light, and wants a stable life, now. People do learn from their mistakes, and grow as people, you know. Some don't, but some do. And who cares how old anyone's options are? The important thing is to find someone compatible.
I'm curious as to how she knew you were single. I guess your FB would say that, otherwise you'd have couple pix or family pix up.
I'm also curious as to what she said, exactly, about "settling". Did she said "settle with", "settle for" or "settle down with"? I imagine she said the last one of the three; most people do, when they're talking about future plans in this context. It's a little presumptuous, even so; she's assuming you'd be interested, and that you haven't changed in 25 years, and that you'd still be interested. OTOH, there's no other way for her to communicate that she's ready to turn over a new leaf.
Anyway, I think. you should be careful what channel you tune into on this forum. There are a lot of guys who jump at the chance to say derogatory things about women. That should be taken with a grain or two of salt. The question is, would you be interested, if she were stable and responsible, and isn't looking to unload a pile of debt on you, or something?
What was it about her that interested you in the first place, 25 years ago? Was it based on looks alone? It sure doesn't seem like it could have been based on personality. Except at least she was polite in turning you down.
Yes I did ask her out. No I'm not married. Here's what she said : "I guess I didn't realize back then how good you would have been for me. But time does a lot and I feel that I'm mature enough now to know that somebody like you can treat me well, and I know that it would be for keeps".
The thing is, I'm pretty sure she knew me well back then so I don't understand why she wasn't interested back then. But it's not so much that, the point is that she's suddenly showing an interest now.
Assuming your dilemma isn't from the advice section of a '70s Ladies' magazine, I'll illustrate this woman's rather obvious ploy, with a story from South Mississippi.
An affluent businessman in his late forties/early fifties, found himself single. The "Prettiest Girl in School" (their high school) found out he was available, and "loaded". She was a "socialite", and had all the clothes and accessories - and the right car - and even a well-decorated home. But her marriage to the "Star Fuhbawl Standout" had not left her with a net worth.
She was running-on-empty, and about to lose the pretty house, "thuh Jay-uh-guh-wa-wuh" (https://goo.gl/images/QGv3Fq), the wherewithal to to get all those Escada Knits dry-cleaned, or to get her roots "done bah uh puh-ro-fay-ah-shun-ul-uh". And frankly, it was time to refresh the "work she'd had done" by various among Hattiesburg's many highly-motivated plastic surgeons (https://goo.gl/images/5ZQcgc).
Do I need to mention that her "foundations" were beginning to no longer achieve her desired objectives? It was time to update and upgrade her undergarments. And for a lady of a certain age, with a certain set of goals and standards, THAT TAKES MONEY.
She HAD TO do all of this, to keep herself marketable. Otherwise, she'd end up sharing with a cousin, a used singlewide, out in some piney woods, somewhere (https://goo.gl/images/qNk8xZ), with her clothes, makeup, and accessories, piled up on one side of her 8'x10' bedroom - she needed a MONEY REFILL.
That businessman was only making six figures, probably. And I doubt that his net worth was beyond seven figures. But that was ENOUGH, for 'The Prettiest Girl in School' - temporarily.
I mean, someone had already grabbed Bernie (WorldCom), by the time he'd divorced his first wife (https://goo.gl/images/G3fD9r), and Big Jim (Netscape/FedEx) wasn't yet widowed (so she might as well not daydream about moving into THAT petit chateau https://goo.gl/images/fpKmYB ). Unless she left Mississippi, 'The Prettiest Girl in School' was going to have to put her FANTASIES, of landing a really big fish, on-hold.
She was going to have to SETTLE FOR some run-of-the-millionaire - at least until her charge cards were paid-off, her plastic surgery projects brought up-to-speed, her jewels re-set into trendier styles, her Basil Ede prints (https://goo.gl/images/UJfEfH) re-matted to reflect "The more delicate hues of the 2000s", and her collection of foundation garments upsized/upgraded/replenished and made state-of-the-art, at the nearest Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman Marcus, or, best of all, Maison Weiss, up in Jackson: https://goo.gl/images/rB5ui9 After all: the Weiss Dynasty understand the Southern Woman, and so include among their lines, the very best of that heavy-duty, shape-moulding, sure-fire, cost-is-irrelevant, sure-to-make-you-gorgeous unseen armor - FROM SWITZERLAND, where they mean business.
THEN, she could think about whether to keep this new guy, or dump him as soon as she'd snagged a billionaire in Palm Beach or "Or up in those Hamptons". Always a princess, and always dreaming...
So, to reel him in (and he was on a list she'd compiled, of all the "pitiful boys" who'd been sweet on her, back in high school), 'The Prettiest Girl in School' composed a beautiful letter, which included, "...I just wanted to share a personal secret: I've always been in love with you."
And that's all it took. ... hook, line, and sinker. Deal done. Charge cards paid-off, kids from his first marriage as-good-as-disinherited, new LS Lexus to replace the Jaguar, new silk for the down-filled sofas - and new shapewear for Princess.
OP, women like her, have a word for guys like you: 'MEAL TICKET.'
I was on Facebook recently and I saw a message from a girl from school (well, I mean woman. We're both 43 now). Now back in the day I really liked her and she knew it, well pretty much everybody in our class knew it.
I was confused because I knew she was married and had kids and all of that, so I was wondering why she'd contact me out of the blue, especially considering she wasn't interested in me when we were younger.
Well I quickly found out that she got divorced about 6 months ago. Then I found out that she had been with some other guy for a few years previous to her marriage, and had a kid with him too. She still looks pretty good but I'm really wondering why she would suddenly show an interest in me after all these years.
I remember at school she once told me that I'd be a great boyfriend and a good husband but that she's just not into someone like me but I'd be perfect for someone else. I also remember the guys she went out with and they weren't exactly upstanding members of society.
But now she's sending me messages talking about how I'm a great catch and how she feels that maybe it's time for her to settle with someone like me. I've had a few conversations with her and she's very complimentary and it makes me think why didn't she just go with me back then and why would she now, after all this time, show an interest?
You were too good for her then, and you are too good for her now that she has come to her senses. No logic, she just is tired of the losers, and wants to see what a nice guy is like. You have a decision to make....go for it....or quit communicating......because she is making it plain that she considers you her next husband.
You were too good for her then, and you are too good for her now that she has come to her senses. No logic, she just is tired of the losers, and wants to see what a nice guy is like. You have a decision to make....go for it....or quit communicating......because she is making it plain that she considers you her next husband.
Why was he too good for her? What lofty, mature, deep reasons did he have for wanting her back then? Do we have some confirmation that he loved her brain and cared about supporting her career goals? He could foresee a future where she would sensibly co-run a household? Etc.?
Or did he just think she was hot and popular?
FTR, I’ve seen plenty of “nice guys” say exactly the same blowoff things this woman supposedly said back then, about how the non-hottie, sweet girl would make some guy (not them, though!) a great girlfriend, etc. Because after all they “need to be physically attracted.” Yet they’re never demonized for this shallowness - sorry, for this BIOLOGY. I’ll bet the OP himself has said it to girls who simply weren’t pretty enough. But oh...he’s too good for this shallow trash, right? This hooker who dared to want a mate she was attracted to? (OMG WH*RE.) She totally deserves to die old and alone! Seriously, this place sometimes.
CD will never forgive this woman for wanting to be attracted to the person she was with, then apparently later on, realizing there are dimensions to attraction - as happens to pretty much anybody who grows up - yet unquestioningly paints the OP as somehow morally superior. And this woman as a ho who wants the OP’s billions. Based on almost NO information. Oh please.
Assuming your dilemma isn't from the advice section of a '70s Ladies' magazine, I'll illustrate this woman's rather obvious ploy, with a story from South Mississippi.
An affluent businessman in his late forties/early fifties, found himself single. The "Prettiest Girl in School" (their high school) found out he was available, and "loaded". She was a "socialite", and had all the clothes and accessories - and the right car - and even a well-decorated home. But her marriage to the "Star Fuhbawl Standout" had not left her with a net worth.
She was running-on-empty, and about to lose the pretty house, "thuh Jay-uh-guh-wa-wuh" (https://goo.gl/images/QGv3Fq), the wherewithal to to get all those Escada Knits dry-cleaned, or to get her roots "done bah uh puh-ro-fay-ah-shun-ul-uh". And frankly, it was time to refresh the "work she'd had done" by various among Hattiesburg's many highly-motivated plastic surgeons (https://goo.gl/images/5ZQcgc).
Do I need to mention that her "foundations" were beginning to no longer achieve her desired objectives? It was time to update and upgrade her undergarments. And for a lady of a certain age, with a certain set of goals and standards, THAT TAKES MONEY.
She HAD TO do all of this, to keep herself marketable. Otherwise, she'd end up sharing with a cousin, a used singlewide, out in some piney woods, somewhere (https://goo.gl/images/qNk8xZ), with her clothes, makeup, and accessories, piled up on one side of her 8'x10' bedroom - she needed a MONEY REFILL.
That businessman was only making six figures, probably. And I doubt that his net worth was beyond seven figures. But that was ENOUGH, for 'The Prettiest Girl in School' - temporarily.
I mean, someone had already grabbed Bernie (WorldCom), by the time he'd divorced his first wife (https://goo.gl/images/G3fD9r), and Big Jim (Netscape/FedEx) wasn't yet widowed (so she might as well not daydream about moving into THAT petit chateau https://goo.gl/images/fpKmYB ). Unless she left Mississippi, 'The Prettiest Girl in School' was going to have to put her FANTASIES, of landing a really big fish, on-hold.
She was going to have to SETTLE FOR some run-of-the-millionaire - at least until her charge cards were paid-off, her plastic surgery projects brought up-to-speed, her jewels re-set into trendier styles, her Basil Ede prints (https://goo.gl/images/UJfEfH) re-matted to reflect "The more delicate hues of the 2000s", and her collection of foundation garments upsized/upgraded/replenished and made state-of-the-art, at the nearest Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman Marcus, or, best of all, Maison Weiss, up in Jackson: https://goo.gl/images/rB5ui9 After all: the Weiss Dynasty understand the Southern Woman, and so include among their lines, the very best of that heavy-duty, shape-moulding, sure-fire, cost-is-irrelevant, sure-to-make-you-gorgeous unseen armor - FROM SWITZERLAND, where they mean business.
THEN, she could think about whether to keep this new guy, or dump him as soon as she'd snagged a billionaire in Palm Beach or "Or up in those Hamptons". Always a princess, and always dreaming...
So, to reel him in (and he was on a list she'd compiled, of all the "pitiful boys" who'd been sweet on her, back in high school), 'The Prettiest Girl in School' composed a beautiful letter, which included, "...I just wanted to share a personal secret: I've always been in love with you."
And that's all it took. ... hook, line, and sinker. Deal done. Charge cards paid-off, kids from his first marriage as-good-as-disinherited, new LS Lexus to replace the Jaguar, new silk for the down-filled sofas - and new shapewear for Princess.
OP, women like her, have a word for guys like you: 'MEAL TICKET.'
RUN!!!!
What the actual...? This thread is getting weird.
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Based on almost NO information. Oh please.