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Tl:dr Female friend has been off with me since I got a gf
Posting cryptic messages about having enough and feeling depressed
OK so I posted this a couple of weeks ago but the situation seems to be getting worse. For those that didn't see my other thread I've been best friends with this girl that I work with for 5 years, we always get on so well and always have a laugh messaging eachother constantly online and are always calling eachother brother and sister so I never assumed we were anything more than just good friends however her attitude has changed since I'm now in a relationship
So a few weeks ago she offered to give me a lift home in her Car from work but I told her it's fine as I was heading to the train station which is the opposite direction she was going. She asked if my friend I was seeing is a Male or Female and for some reason I lied and said Male telling her I was going to catch up with an old friend and she replied "Oh right I thought you was going to tell me you had another Female friend there" which I found strange because why would it matter what the gender the friend I was seeing was?
Fast forward a few days and I announce my new relationship on Facebook and she was really happy for me telling me she hopes it works out for me which was really nice. She suddenly changed her profile pic a couple of hours later on WhatsApp to one of her wearing full makeup looking her best which she never usually does as she doesn't even like taking pictures which again I found a bit strange. Again at work we were having our usual laughs and having fun everything was natural. She wanted to know when I'll be introducing my gf to her and was joking saying don't get her pregnant yet because she's not ready to be an auntie she seemed pretty cheerful and happy that I now have a gf.
Then on Saturday I was chatting to my gf on WhatsApp until the early hours for around 7 hours until 3am and noticed my Female friend was also online until 3am too, usually she goes to sleep around 11pm and is never online past 11 or 12 but coincidentally she was online until 3am the same time I was online until chatting with my gf. Again I didn't think too much of it until I woke up in the morning and seen she put on her WhatsApp status at 3am one of these quotes that read "There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had ENOUGH" She literally never puts up any statuses on her WhatsApp let alone at 3am when I happened to be online so it was clearly aimed at me.
I ignored it then the next day she posts up another WhatsApp status with another quote which said something about her feeling really down and looking around to see theres no shoulder to cry on and how she feels empty inside. I messaged her after reading it to see if she was OK and she was really off with me telling me she "wasn't too bad". We had a brief chat then she just ignored my last message leaving me on unread even though she had been on WhatsApp hours after my last message sent to her. We haven't spoken since Monday and I've just left it as I'm currently away with my gf for a few days. Does she like me more than I thought?
She may have kept you in her vague plans to become exclusive, "when the time comes", meaning some change of heart would happen in either or both of you.
Or, she may have never considered you, and would never consider you as a romantic partner (say, if you break up with your gf), but for now something unexpected and shocking is happening in her life: a rug has been pulled from under her; the always-available friend is not so much available anymore.
Keep doing what you are doing: reply if necessary, ask if she is Ok, confirm that you are still her friend, - but not obsessively. Start asserting your own time (that you need with your gf), become unavailable at intervals. Keep observing. Her initial shock may vane and she may eventually understand that she has to adjust to the new reality. If she does have feelings for you, she also need to realize that by expressing neediness, stalking, and depressive behavior, she is only going to push you away.
Either she likes you or she likes being the only female in your life and is jealous now that another woman has your interest and attention.
I say this because in my young and immature days (early 20s), I had a boyfriend who had a sister whom he completely doted on. I was very jealous and vowed after him, I would never date another guy who had a living female relative (again, I was young and dumb…and maybe a little narcissistic. Don’t judge me.). I wanted all his attention and focus to be on me.
Maybe your friend feels the same way. Especially posting the cryptic messages. She’s probably hoping you read them and reach out to her. The thing is, if you and your gf break up, she would go back to acting normal.
Thanks for the replies. I'm going to continue to ignore the cryptic messages but I won't change how I am around her I'll be my usual self with her. I'm off work until next week so hopefully this will give her some time to settle down and come to terms with the fact most of my time and attention is now on my gf and not her
Either she likes you or she likes being the only female in your life and is jealous now that another woman has your interest and attention.
I say this because in my young and immature days (early 20s), I had a boyfriend who had a sister whom he completely doted on. I was very jealous and vowed after him, I would never date another guy who had a living female relative (again, I was young and dumb…and maybe a little narcissistic. Don’t judge me.). I wanted all his attention and focus to be on me.
Maybe your friend feels the same way. Especially posting the cryptic messages. She’s probably hoping you read them and reach out to her. The thing is, if you and your gf break up, she would go back to acting normal.
I did actually reach out to her and asked if she was OK after she posted about feeling down and empty inside. This was after I ignored her 1st status about giving up and having enough. It seems to me like she went from being angry to trying to go the sympathy route and I took the bait, but she was definitely off with me telling me she "wasn't too bad" and after a brief chat she left me on unread for hours even though she was online since which suggests she's hurt. It's really confusing, I can't tell if she has feelings for me or as others here have suggested she's just jealous that she's no longer the only Female in my life and not getting the attention I used to constantly give her
Since you're best friends, have you actually had a conversation with her about what your relationship is, what it looks like, how you want to handle other relationships? If you're really good friends, you should be able to talk to her about this.
Yes. And if you remain good friends your new girlfriend is not likely to receive that very well. Unless, of course, you involve your GF in your friendship and be respectful with it.
Three is a crowd, and it sounds like your "friend" liked you a little bit more than just friends. It's usually that way, even in FWB cases. One usually likes the other one more and I guess she figures that you are such fun together and you get along so well that you are a good catch for her. She just hasn't expressed it, most likely because you have always been on the prowl for other women maybe?
Also, you should have realized that one day, sooner or later, if you marry or move on with your life, she's not going to be around anymore. Maybe deep down you like her a little more too or you wouldn't care to ask these questions.
Yes. And if you remain good friends your new girlfriend is not likely to receive that very well. Unless, of course, you involve your GF in your friendship and be respectful with it.
Three is a crowd, and it sounds like your "friend" liked you a little bit more than just friends. It's usually that way, even in FWB cases. One usually likes the other one more and I guess she figures that you are such fun together and you get along so well that you are a good catch for her. She just hasn't expressed it, most likely because you have always been on the prowl for other women maybe?
Also, you should have realized that one day, sooner or later, if you marry or move on with your life, she's not going to be around anymore. Maybe deep down you like her a little more too or you wouldn't care to ask these questions.
I've had romantic feelings for her during our friendship but that was years ago, I put them aside as I never assumed she saw me as anything other than a really good friend. She's had 2 bfs since we've been friends and although I felt a bit of jealousy I never once changed my attitude towards her or posted cryptic messages I've always remained the same. I'd also hope that regardless of me or her marrying other people or moving on that she'd always be in my life, after all your friends don't suddenly leave you if you get married so why would it be any different?
Since you're best friends, have you actually had a conversation with her about what your relationship is, what it looks like, how you want to handle other relationships? If you're really good friends, you should be able to talk to her about this.
Never as I've always assumed we're just best friends. She always says you've always been my best friend and always jokes that when we're old we need to be in the same care home together, I've never had the feeling she has feelings for me but since I got a gf she's been acting extremely jealous. Especially being up until 3am when she's usually asleep by 11 or 12 as I was up chatting with my gf until 3ak then coincidentally posting about having enough at 3am when I happened to be online. It seems a bit weird don't you think?
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