Does my gf consider me to be a 'trophy boyfriend', and is that bad? (girlfriend, long-term)
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I feel like my gf invites me to way too many events she wants me to go to, like dinners with parents and family, and relatives, and things like that, as well as work events.
We first start seeing each other in March/April around, but I feel that maybe she considers me to be a boyfriend to show off sometimes, cause if I don't want to, she will say things like everyone wants to meet me, family and a couple of co-workers so far. Why? Is going out since April long enough for the everyone wants to meet me stage?
She wants me to go to Christmas dinner for her work and told me to book off a couple of days, cause apparently Christmas dinner for work, is a three or more hour drive away in another city, and I have to stay overnight in a hotel.
Now maybe if she were to have asked me, I would have responded more positively, but she sends me a text saying book it off cause we are staying over night, at a hotel, and everything is paid for, without even asking, like as if she expected to me say yes, and get right on it, especially when I have a new job, and not much days off yet.
So I dunno, do you think that maybe she likes showing me off, or am I just making too big a deal out of this perhaps?
You need to stand up to her and tell her that
(1) you really care about her and want to meet important people in her life but
(2) you are an individual and she needs to respect whether you want to go these events or not by asking you first. Lastly,
(3) even if she curbs this behavior now, you will have to be prepared for her tendency to be controlling/ overplan. Think about whether or not you can deal with it long-term. Just know it's probably just her personality and she doesn't intend to be overbearing. But you gotta nip that in the bud early!
- posted by a former gf who would overplan (I worked on it and have gotten much better lol)
I'm confused about what your problem is. Are you upset that she pretty much assumes you're her boyfriend when you two have not officially declared that, or are you upset that she's being kind of bossy and impolite about it?
Either way just start telling her no when you don't want to go and it will work itself out naturally.
I guess I am just kind of turned off at the fact that she wants me to meet and socialize with all these people. I am not much of a socializer/people person I guess. I don't think she is bossy, I just think maybe she gets too over excited about these things, but then if I turn her down, she gets bummed out it seems. She doesn't actually say this, but I think she is embarrassed if I don't come, maybe.
I guess I am just kind of turned off at the fact that she wants me to meet and socialize with all these people. I am not much of a socializer/people person I guess. I don't think she is bossy, I just think maybe she gets too over excited about these things, but then if I turn her down, she gets bummed out it seems. She doesn't actually say this, but I think she is embarrassed if I don't come, maybe.
This is part of the issue with your having autism.
It's also a difference in personality types. You are certainly within your rights to tell her about your discomfort. But it's the kind of situation that requires compromise.
If you want her to compromise and consider your feelings, you need to consider hers as well. Ask her what she expects from you at these events. Tell her your concerns about being there. See if you two can work out a system where you can take a break during the work event and go outside for a bit or whatever you need to do to feel less anxiety.
You may not like socializing a lot, but surely you can understand why being around her family would be important to her. That's a little different than "socializing." She isn't using you. She's showing you that she cares about you and wants you to be part of her life.
I guess I am just kind of turned off at the fact that she wants me to meet and socialize with all these people. I am not much of a socializer/people person I guess. I don't think she is bossy, I just think maybe she gets too over excited about these things, but then if I turn her down, she gets bummed out it seems. She doesn't actually say this, but I think she is embarrassed if I don't come, maybe.
Why are you so afraid of that you can’t talk about this with your girlfriend?
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