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Here is the situation: 2 dates with a guy I met online (first date awhile back, reconnected this week). From what I can tell so far he's quite nice and I like him. Plans are made for a third. I Facebook search for him out of curiosity. His profile pops up -- the only thing I can see is his profile picture and the first comment (left within the past month) is from an attractive girl who comments "hot." He replies "Thanks babe!!"
Anyway, this kind of makes it seem like he's dating this girl. So I text him and just ask him "Were you dating anyone recently?" There's some confusion, he asks what I'm talking about, so I send him a screen shot. He says this is a female friend he previously worked with and "she is just flirty like that" and they've never dated. I then do a bit of snooping and see he's also "liked" a lot of her photos.
Anyway, even just assuming this is a female friend, it makes me a bit uncomfortable if someone I'm dating has this level of flirting going on with another attractive girl. And I stumbled across this within five minutes. I'm assuming it's possible there are more of these situations. And I'm looking for a serious relationship. So if it was you, is this a dealbreaker which would spur you to end it now? Or more of a red flag -- wait and see how things go after a couple more dates?
Last edited by xxthinkpinkxo; 09-28-2018 at 11:24 PM..
Wow the fact you screenshot his Facebook messages, would be a dealbreaker. Is he still talking to you. I would take that as too much from someone I just start dating.
Wow the fact you screenshot his Facebook messages, would be a dealbreaker. Is he still talking to you. I would take that as too much from someone I just start dating.
To clarify he said “can you send me a screen shot” to know what I was talking about. I searched for him on Facebook to get a sense of who he was.
Last edited by xxthinkpinkxo; 09-28-2018 at 11:51 PM..
I like the fact that you apparently have no male 'friends' on social media you use for attention/ego boosting. That seems to be far too prevalent nowadays, on both sides. You appear to be the type of woman who is satisfied with attention from one man and one man only, therefore your concerns with this guy are justified. You wouldn't dare have 'innocent admirers' with whom you have no intention of dating or seeing in any capacity but still accept their flirtations (and encourage them to a degree).
Women who do engage in those behaviors have no business screenshotting messages or questioning a guy they just met.
It is the sort of behavior that would a red flag with someone you are exclusively dating, but in your situation you have barely started seeing each other, and only reconnected for a second date this week, so it would be a bit unfair to hold his recent past against him. If indeed it is something a past flirtation, and not something that is ongoing. Time will tell.
If you start to become more serious and the flirting continues or you start to see other signs that he has a wandering eye or crossing other boundaries, then I think you have something to worry about.
That being said, I'm also a big believer in trusting your instincts, so if your gut is warning you that this guy is untrustworthy in some way, you might want to listen to it.
It is a flag, but maybe only orange? I think I'd keep an eye on it and see how things shake out. If it continues and makes you feel uncomfortable long term, then I'd bail. But you may get to know him and find that it doesn't really bother you. Or that's it's a single situation.
So I text him and just ask him "Were you dating anyone recently?" There's some confusion, he asks what I'm talking about, so I send him a screen shot.
This was a big blunder on your part
The whole point of snooping is to get a little info on the person you are interested in without letting them know you're doing it. But when you snoop, you have to accept the fact that you will find some things that may not make you happy.
The problem here is that you don't even know him well enough for him to have friended you on social media. You've had TWO dates. You have NO ownership here, and the red flag for me would be YOUR putting him on the defensive with your questions about his past.
It makes it sound like you must be naive about how social media works or inexperienced with relationships. In the early stages, before you are exclusive, you have to use restraint and keep your insecurities under control.
You may want a serious relationship, but you and he are not there yet, and you were way out of line to put him on the defensive about his past when you were snooping around and looking at stuff without knowing the context.
I would be surprised if he asks you out again. But maybe he's a very patient person.
Here is the situation: 2 dates with a guy I met online (first date awhile back, reconnected this week). From what I can tell so far he's quite nice and I like him. Plans are made for a third. I Facebook search for him out of curiosity. His profile pops up -- the only thing I can see is his profile picture and the first comment (left within the past month) is from an attractive girl who comments "hot." He replies "Thanks babe!!"
Anyway, this kind of makes it seem like he's dating this girl. So I text him and just ask him "Were you dating anyone recently?" There's some confusion, he asks what I'm talking about, so I send him a screen shot. He says this is a female friend he previously worked with and "she is just flirty like that" and they've never dated. I then do a bit of snooping and see he's also "liked" a lot of her photos.
Anyway, even just assuming this is a female friend, it makes me a bit uncomfortable if someone I'm dating has this level of flirting going on with another attractive girl. And I stumbled across this within five minutes. I'm assuming it's possible there are more of these situations. And I'm looking for a serious relationship. So if it was you, is this a dealbreaker which would spur you to end it now? Or more of a red flag -- wait and see how things go after a couple more dates?
If this is the type of thing that bothers you after two dates, you are going to have a very difficult time staying in a relationship. Jealous, insecure behavior is a turnoff for a person with a healthy personality. This situation is a red flag, for sure--but for him, not you.
If this is the type of thing that bothers you after two dates, you are going to have a very difficult time staying in a relationship. Jealous, insecure behavior is a turnoff for a person with a healthy personality. This situation is a red flag, for sure--but for him, not you.
I agree. It’s your behavior that sounds inappropriate so far, not his.
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