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Hmmm. Where to begin? I swore an oath after a tragic loss of my last relationship that there would never be anyone else that close and intimate in my life. Actually swore it before. I would just spend my life alone. So I've been thus for some time now. Riding solo.
However it appears that God, Fate, Destiny whatever has a sense of humor. I crashed into a lady that has turned out to be rather special. Out of the blue on a stroll through the park like a 2x4 twixt the eyes. What started with a simple, polite Hi turned into a conversation sitting at a bench that lasted for hours. Conversation never ran dry, we have a LOT in common right down to past trauma and loss.
At any rate I'd like to hear from folks who have been there done that where it went or is going. I don't want to see any hurt com out of this for either of us. Hurt from past loss has hurt us both and we both fully expected to be alone. Swore we would be. Even her at such a young age. And now here we are. Anybody have any thoughts and especially experience with something like this?
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Originally Posted by NVplumber
lol....Yea , well I got better than just a few years left in me. And I've been achy for 35 years ever since my bike vs car accident. As far as sex goes maybe I might slow down but I'm not going to go there. Life is good so far.
I'm not in a negative state of mind and don't wanna be. I'll burn that bridge when it's time I reckon.......
mmmmm. Yea. Kids. I can't have any. I'm fixed that way. The one I raised was enough. Yep, gotta talk bout that. I've never heard the ter "baby rabies" before but at her age I reckon it could develop. 20 years has seen me chew a lot of dirt that she hasn't as well.
That is something she has been very curious about. What it was like growing up and coming of age in the 80s and the 70s as well. I was 20 yo when she was born. . The biggest thing we don't have in common is where we grew up and how. She's from WA DC. I grew up on a fairly remote little ranch here in NV and as a Navy bray for a spell. Something else she's been very curious and inquisitive about. Her upbringing wasn't very adventurous mine surely was. You don't see any roundups or stock killing mountain lion hunts in DC.
Oh she's still got stories to tell their just not as rugged and outdoorsy as mine. I'm going to take her to my buddy's ranch and introduce her to horses and cattle. She's quite excited bout that. Again I reckon I'll take some advice posted here and just strap a saddle to the battle and hold on. See how it goes. Enjoy what we have and not over think it.
Hmmm...you were able to talk for hours and had a lot in common yet you obviously grew up in different decades in different parts of the country and with very different upbringings. Wasn't it Dylan who said you shouldn't let other people get their kicks for you? She needs to live a life for herself, not through your (past) adventures. Just a tiny yellow flag I picked up on. Opposites attract but it takes something very special for them to hold.
You may want to explore why you've sworn off relationships a couple times in your life but keep finding unsuccessful ones to get back into. Impulsive? Impetuous? Sin in haste and repent in leisure?
And yeah - tell her you are fixed IMMEDIATELY - and be sure she doesn't brush it off thinking you'll be open to adoption or something - I've had that happen before - bad news!
Hmmm...you were able to talk for hours and had a lot in common yet you obviously grew up in different decades in different parts of the country and with very different upbringings. Wasn't it Dylan who said you shouldn't let other people get their kicks for you? She needs to live a life for herself, not through your (past) adventures. Just a tiny yellow flag I picked up on. Opposites attract but it takes something very special for them to hold.
You may want to explore why you've sworn off relationships a couple times in your life but keep finding unsuccessful ones to get back into. Impulsive? Impetuous? Sin in haste and repent in leisure?
And yeah - tell her you are fixed IMMEDIATELY - and be sure she doesn't brush it off thinking you'll be open to adoption or something - I've had that happen before - bad news!
We have in common standards of conduct, worldviews, and interests. She loves the outdoors as I do and though she was raised in a nasty city there's a country girl trapped in there yammering to get out. If we do go our separate way at some point she will take a LOT of things I'm teaching with her. Horsemanship, how to keep yourself safe and alive in remote places, how different wild life behaves and what wild life to be extremely cautious about when you're on its turf.
She's not a typical example of a city raised lady in her age range. She gets in there and gets her hands dirty. LOL, she gets into the "icky" stuff a mall mouse wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I gotta admire that.
Why we both swore off relationships is pretty personal but revolves around tragic loss. Illness and accident took people from us we truly loved. We have a type of loss very much in common. But somehow we crashed into each other and are finding a way to get past that loss. Could be I'm just a stopping place on her journey.But I figger I'll see to it she takes something good away from our pairing up.
I'm in a relationship with a 20 year age gap. I was 36 and he was 56 when we met, now we're 39/59. I'm happy happy happy and so is he. It's great.
So a lot of the stuff like kids and such, that's issues you could have with anyone. I mean think about it. If one person is dedicated childfree by choice and the other catches the "baby rabies" (lol!) at any age that'd be a pretty big deal breaking problem, yes? Yes. Core values and worldview and such like, well you've already touched base on all that and the light looks green. COOL!
Eventually...because today it would be way too much of a bummer, not to mention way too soon...it could end up being worth considering if she is willing/able to be there for you in your end-of-life phases and such. Long run, it's just responsible to think about estate planning, however that looks, with your loved ones. Like do you have others you want to get something from your inheritance? Can she handle losing you one day if you both live normal lifespans? Will she be ok to be either unpartnered or single/looking, when she's in her 60s or so?
My boyfriend and I have had talks about all these pragmatic things because we're both pretty practical people. For us, the joy we take in one another is worth any price to be paid one day in the future, and we feel pretty secure in our plans. But I'm cool with caring for old people, I actually like them better than I like kids. That's just me though. Things we need to know about ourselves in life, y'know? We know where we stand with regard to retirement planning, and all that.
I guess in my opinion that's the main difference between a big age gap relationship like that, and one where both people are the same age, particularly if we're talking like two people in their 30's. While those two should/could be thinking about retirement and estate planning, it feels like it's way down the road and not worth concerning oneself about much maybe, guess I'm saying that's where some unusual considerations come into place. Knowing the younger partner could end up in the role of caretaker and making sure they consent to that, and having some realism about the future and all.
I'm in a relationship with a 20 year age gap. I was 36 and he was 56 when we met, now we're 39/59. I'm happy happy happy and so is he. It's great.
So a lot of the stuff like kids and such, that's issues you could have with anyone. I mean think about it. If one person is dedicated childfree by choice and the other catches the "baby rabies" (lol!) at any age that'd be a pretty big deal breaking problem, yes? Yes. Core values and worldview and such like, well you've already touched base on all that and the light looks green. COOL!
Eventually...because today it would be way too much of a bummer, not to mention way too soon...it could end up being worth considering if she is willing/able to be there for you in your end-of-life phases and such. Long run, it's just responsible to think about estate planning, however that looks, with your loved ones. Like do you have others you want to get something from your inheritance? Can she handle losing you one day if you both live normal lifespans? Will she be ok to be either unpartnered or single/looking, when she's in her 60s or so?
My boyfriend and I have had talks about all these pragmatic things because we're both pretty practical people. For us, the joy we take in one another is worth any price to be paid one day in the future, and we feel pretty secure in our plans. But I'm cool with caring for old people, I actually like them better than I like kids. That's just me though. Things we need to know about ourselves in life, y'know? We know where we stand with regard to retirement planning, and all that.
I guess in my opinion that's the main difference between a big age gap relationship like that, and one where both people are the same age, particularly if we're talking like two people in their 30's. While those two should/could be thinking about retirement and estate planning, it feels like it's way down the road and not worth concerning oneself about much maybe, guess I'm saying that's where some unusual considerations come into place. Knowing the younger partner could end up in the role of caretaker and making sure they consent to that, and having some realism about the future and all.
Yea, that's pretty deep stuff there. Actual marriage is a place I'm not willing to go again. So my will and testament stands as is. I don't have that much to inherit right now anyway and I don't see that changing. She's certainly not in this for material/monetary gain. Gotta see how this unfolds a bit longer before we get as involved as you are talking about.
One day at a time I'm thinking.
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Anybody have any thoughts and especially experience with something like this?
Life is good so far. 
. The biggest thing we don't have in common is where we grew up and how. She's from WA DC. I grew up on a fairly remote little ranch here in NV and as a Navy bray for a spell. Something else she's been very curious and inquisitive about. Her upbringing wasn't very adventurous mine surely was. You don't see any roundups or stock killing mountain lion hunts in DC. 
