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Hmmm. Where to begin? I swore an oath after a tragic loss of my last relationship that there would never be anyone else that close and intimate in my life. Actually swore it before. I would just spend my life alone. So I've been thus for some time now. Riding solo.
However it appears that God, Fate, Destiny whatever has a sense of humor. I crashed into a lady that has turned out to be rather special. Out of the blue on a stroll through the park like a 2x4 twixt the eyes. What started with a simple, polite Hi turned into a conversation sitting at a bench that lasted for hours. Conversation never ran dry, we have a LOT in common right down to past trauma and loss.
One caveat. She's 20 years younger than me. After some time and after things have developed a bit that is vexing me. We haven't talked about it past telling each other our ages but I have never been involved with someone younger let alone 20 years worth. That's a long time. All the ladies I was ever seriously involved with have been between 2 to 10 years older than me. Just how it worked out.
Soooo...I'm sorta wondering. What do I do with this? I plan on bringing it up sooner than later but I'm curious as to other people who have been in a similar situation and how it worked out. We love being together and are really enjoying this but I don't want to be riding a horse that's going to drop on the trail. For her sake and mine. We've become quite attached to that horse'. She didn't even blink when I told her I'll be 54 soon (she's coming to 34). Wow. WTF.
At any rate I'd like to hear from folks who have been there done that where it went or is going. I don't want to see any hurt com out of this for either of us. Hurt from past loss has hurt us both and we both fully expected to be alone. Swore we would be. Even her at such a young age. And now here we are. Anybody have any thoughts and especially experience with something like this?
You cannot insulate yourself from pain, no matter how hard you try. Love requires vulnerability.
Be smart, and just see what happens.
The chronological age is a number. What people decide they must do at each age matters more. If you two are at different phases of life and your wishes are different that can't be ignored. FWIW, my youngest sister is married to a man over 20 years her senior. He has a daughter her age. He even has a grandchild who is older than his son (with my sister). They have been happy for about 30 years but I suspect it is because they have usually wanted/needed the same things at the same time, or if they didn't, they faced it and worked it out.
One of my best friends has been married to a man 30 years her senior for 10 years now. She did not marry for love though, she married for security. They are still married and most likely will never divorce, but she has grown resentful of the situation and has cheated on him a couple of times. Pretty sure she'll do it again when/if the opportunity arises. He on the other hand is a pretty active man and he is happy to have a younger and active wife around (she keeps him busy) as long as she doesn't leave him.
mmmmm. Yea. Kids. I can't have any. I'm fixed that way. The one I raised was enough. Yep, gotta talk bout that. I've never heard the ter "baby rabies" before but at her age I reckon it could develop. 20 years has seen me chew a lot of dirt that she hasn't as well.
That is something she has been very curious about. What it was like growing up and coming of age in the 80s and the 70s as well. I was 20 yo when she was born. . The biggest thing we don't have in common is where we grew up and how. She's from WA DC. I grew up on a fairly remote little ranch here in NV and as a Navy bray for a spell. Something else she's been very curious and inquisitive about. Her upbringing wasn't very adventurous mine surely was. You don't see any roundups or stock killing mountain lion hunts in DC.
Oh she's still got stories to tell their just not as rugged and outdoorsy as mine. I'm going to take her to my buddy's ranch and introduce her to horses and cattle. She's quite excited bout that. Again I reckon I'll take some advice posted here and just strap a saddle to the battle and hold on. See how it goes. Enjoy what we have and not over think it.
My late husband was 15 years older. I was 50 and he was 65 when we married so NEITHER of us wanted more kids! I wished he'd been closer to my age but he wasn't and I'm glad I didn't let that stand in the way. He did slow down the last few years- I had to be more careful not to wear him out when we traveled by getting lost too many times- but he was always up for whatever adventures he could do with the limitations his body kept imposing on him. He was also fine with my doing more things on my own while he relaxed. He died 2 years ago at age 78- well, we knew I'd likely outlive him, given the age difference. I didn't marry for security; I actually brought more into the marriage as far as assets.
I have a lot of wonderful memories and don't regret it- never even tempted to cheat on him, even when our intimate relationship tapered off. Having said that- I'm dating again and REALLY want someone closer to my own age.
Again I reckon I'll take some advice posted here and just strap a saddle to the battle and hold on. See how it goes. Enjoy what we have and not over think it.
There you go! Just hang on and go for the ride.
Do tell her that you can't have kids anymore though. That is only fair. (and be prepared to tell her no if she suggests getting the V reversed (my friend required her man to do that and he did!).
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Anybody have any thoughts and especially experience with something like this?
. The biggest thing we don't have in common is where we grew up and how. She's from WA DC. I grew up on a fairly remote little ranch here in NV and as a Navy bray for a spell. Something else she's been very curious and inquisitive about. Her upbringing wasn't very adventurous mine surely was. You don't see any roundups or stock killing mountain lion hunts in DC. 
