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I don't think it is relevant to the thread what I call her.
I feel some of these questions being thrown at me are intrusive and rude. My ex and I share custody of our 7 year old. As I need to point out again, Emily offered to babysit as my appointment was mid afternoon and my son was out. I did not ask her to do it, she offered.
Last minute Dental appointment. yep, If you don't like the questions, and want to hear someone reinforce your behaviour, buy a tape recorder, record yourself saying, you are a good person, everyone else is against you, you are the one that is right. No body else matters. Play it back 100 times. (a day)
Don't try to get sympathy for unacceptable behaviour. If you're real, and this is a real situation, you haven't given anyone time to get over a cheating parent. Teaching your 17 year old, pump and dump. and not asking for him to step up to the plate when the Mother abandoned the family. This just didn't happen to you, they feel this as well. How have you explained this to the 17 yr old? The 7 yr old? You and the mother need family counseling, not new women and boyfriends like a merry-go-round. This creates very unhealthy kids. Quit being selfish and be a Father.
Goodbye - Felicia!
Last minute Dental appointment. yep, If you don't like the questions, and want to hear someone reinforce your behaviour, buy a tape recorder, record yourself saying, you are a good person, everyone else is against you, you are the one that is right. No body else matters. Play it back 100 times. (a day)
Don't try to get sympathy for unacceptable behaviour. If you're real, and this is a real situation, you haven't given anyone time to get over a cheating parent. Teaching your 17 year old, pump and dump. and not asking for him to step up to the plate when the Mother abandoned the family. This just didn't happen to you, they feel this as well. How have you explained this to the 17 yr old? The 7 yr old? You and the mother need family counseling, not new women and boyfriends like a merry-go-round. This creates very unhealthy kids. Quit being selfish and be a Father.
Goodbye - Felicia!
Thank you PP. I do feel as if I have been cast as the villain here so I am glad you see it differently.
I have to say, I did not go on a date when Emily babysat, I was at the dentist. Don't know why someone said that in their post. I wasnt even gone an hour.
I also have to agree with the guy who said male/female dynamics of friendship change when one gets into a relationship. Unfortunately that's how it goes. I haven't dropped Emily, we just don't talk as much. There is a difference.
Nobody’s casting you as anything, your own words are what defines you .
I also have to agree with the guy who said male/female dynamics of friendship change when one gets into a relationship. Unfortunately that's how it goes. I haven't dropped Emily, we just don't talk as much. There is a difference.
Maybe so, but you were seeing and talking to each other a lot then suddenly you pulled back. And it was a lot bigger change for her than for you because you had a replacement. The key thing here is that you dialed it back without any explanation to her. She may have been wondering if she had said or done something wrong, and offered to babysit as an attempt to get things back to good.
Originally Posted by Blueplanet123 View Post
I also have to agree with the guy who said male/female dynamics of friendship change when one gets into a relationship. Unfortunately that's how it goes. I haven't dropped Emily, we just don't talk as much. There is a difference.
Well Emily wouldn’t know that because you decided to be secretive about it. You decided to dial down your friendship yet you still used her for babysitting AND spare me the “but she offered” tripe. You could have said no. You could have changed your appointment ,taken her with you or dropped her back off with her mother. What Emily’s support and kindness as a friend has been rewarded with is deceit and being used.
I've said what I have to say on this subject. I'm not going to pile on the OP anymore.
But he asked for "thoughts" and he got 'em.
OP, the fact that you haven't liked 95% of the responses you received says to me that you need to reflect a bit when you're not here feeling so defensive. It won't kill you to admit to yourself that you weren't exactly honest and forthcoming with Emily and that you got more friendship than you returned. From the history you've provided, you seem to be unable to be alone with yourself for any substantial amount of time. You've got work to do on yourself and with your kids. Anyone coming out of a longterm relationship does. You seem to think you've processed things but if you bury the bad stuff prematurely under the giddy veneer of "new love," I guarantee you it will claw its way to the surface eventually.
I hope your new relationship works out for you. You don't think it's rebound but it's textbook.
Yesterday, Emily came to my house as she was looking after my grandson for me while I went to the dentist.
Thoughts?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueplanet123
My ex and I share custody of our 7 year old. Emily offered to babysit as my appointment was mid afternoon and my son was out. I did not ask her to do it, she offered.
Your ex and you share custody of your 7 year old son. Emily came over to baby sit your grandson. Is the 7 year old you have custody of, also your grandson?
It took my non-contested divorce 12 months to become granted, how have you already determined custody of everyone, that's fast!
Anyway....Emily came over with a gift, it may have been personal or even slightly romantic, she's been spending a lot of time with you listening to you and you used to text her every day.
She felt STUPID! She wouldn't have offered to babysit if she knew you had a girlfriend. She read the card and thought: "What the hell? I have this dumb gift and came over when he needed me again, he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend...I wouldn't have bought a gift and came over if he had told me!"
She wonders when you decided you were ready for a gf, and why you didn't think of her, she wonders if it was because she's sick? She feels like crap, and like she was used, and she feels stupid, I tell ya.
Then you come home, make small talk and still don't mention the gf.
your ex and you share custody of your 7 year old son. Emily came over to baby sit your grandson. Is the 7 year old you have custody of, also your grandson?
It took my non-contested divorce 12 months to become granted, how have you already determined custody of everyone, that's fast!
Anyway....emily came over with a gift, it may have been personal or even slightly romantic, she's been spending a lot of time with you listening to you and you used to text her every day.
she felt stupid! She wouldn't have offered to babysit if she knew you had a girlfriend. She read the card and thought: "what the hell? I have this dumb gift and came over when he needed me again, he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend...i wouldn't have bought a gift and came over if he had told me!"
she wonders when you decided you were ready for a gf, and why you didn't think of her, she wonders if it was because she's sick? She feels like crap, and like she was used, and she feels stupid, i tell ya.
Then you come home, make small talk and still don't mention the gf.
Hmm....OP, you could've handled this differently. I understand you were going through a tough time and its complicated but you need to try to look at it from her perspective. You ran and cried to her when your wife left and abandoned you. You technically did the same to her because you basically ghosted her when you no longer needed her. She's sick and thought you were a friend but you come off like an opportunist in this situation.
I hope you won't try to run to her when this new relationship hits a snag. If I was in her position i probably wouldn't feel comfortable with you either. My male friends in the past have done this as well and it has messed up the friendships. I'd want to know if someone new came into their lives so I don't say anything out the way or be sitting there wondering without a clue.
The OP has made me feel sorry for his cheating ex-wife, and I don't like cheaters...
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because you decided to be secretive about it. You decided to dial down your friendship yet you still used her for babysitting AND spare me the “but she offered” tripe. You could have said no. You could have changed your appointment ,taken her with you or dropped her back off with her mother. What Emily’s support and kindness as a friend has been rewarded with is deceit and being used.
