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No relationship is perfect. However you do need to ask yourself - can you live with things the way they are forever? Life passes by too quickly. Is this it? Would you be better off without him?
I am not saying - call it quits. I am saying - be honest with yourself. Take an objective look first, then go from there...
Next, if you DO want to make it work - have a talk with him. No hints. No: "he should just understand what I mean." Guys are not mind readers. You need to be direct. Be blunt. Be direct. You are not happy now. What do you have to lose.
I see women say all the time that they have dropped hints and the guy should be able to figure it out. That's not true. We usually never know what a woman is thinking. If we guess, we are usually wrong.
Sit down and have a long talk. But be honest with yourself first, or you are wasting everyone's time. Ask yourself - would you be better off without him? Then, go from there...
Last edited by MisterShipWreck; 10-11-2018 at 02:41 PM..
Me and my husband have been together 6 years altogether. Dated 5 years, 2 kids before marriage, we've been married a little over a year. Marriage was lovely pretty much up until now. Our relationship has always been difficult. Ive always faught to keep our relationship strong by going to therapy and talking our issues out. My question is does there come a time when marriage shouldnt be so difficult? Do we fight to keep things good between us until one of us files for divorce or passes away? I know we both love each other very much but im starting to feel in order to have a thriving marriage it shouldnt have so much drama. Btw theres no cheating or anything like that, not that i know of we are just 2 completely different people, we dont always agree when it comes to our kids and finances or life in general. We both just have different views on lots of things
Whoa. So much packed in one little-bitty paragraph. Okay.
1) "Our relationship has always been difficult." That's not how relationships are supposed to be. Sure, every relationship has its rough patches, but always?
2) "....going to therapy and talking our issues out." If you are six years and two kids into a relationship and you've had a standing appointment with a therapist, then you've got some major dysfunction on your hands.
3) Drama is for teenagers. Mature adults can go decades without experiencing it, because drama comes from immaturity, mutual lack of communication, and mutual lack of consideration.
4) Sounds as if you two need to learn how to have a simple disagreement and work to resolve it like mature adults.
One main point to get from this is. Ya'll are still communicating. Fighting is such a strong word. YOu can change the whole perspective of this post by stating we disagree. But, if you can talk it out, you ain't gotta agree to everything the other says and does, but, he/she aint lying to ya, not hiding sh*t and being secretive, or letting it bottle up til one of you are a sniper in a Las Vegas hotel. So, take a different look and say, we're communicating and we're doing this together.
Me and my husband have been together 6 years altogether. Dated 5 years, 2 kids before marriage, we've been married a little over a year. Marriage was lovely pretty much up until now. Our relationship has always been difficult. Ive always faught to keep our relationship strong by going to therapy and talking our issues out. My question is does there come a time when marriage shouldnt be so difficult? Do we fight to keep things good between us until one of us files for divorce or passes away? I know we both love each other very much but im starting to feel in order to have a thriving marriage it shouldnt have so much drama. Btw theres no cheating or anything like that, not that i know of we are just 2 completely different people, we dont always agree when it comes to our kids and finances or life in general. We both just have different views on lots of things
Me and my husband have been together 6 years altogether. Dated 5 years, 2 kids before marriage, we've been married a little over a year. Marriage was lovely pretty much up until now. Our relationship has always been difficult. Ive always faught to keep our relationship strong by going to therapy and talking our issues out. My question is does there come a time when marriage shouldnt be so difficult? Do we fight to keep things good between us until one of us files for divorce or passes away? I know we both love each other very much but im starting to feel in order to have a thriving marriage it shouldnt have so much drama. Btw theres no cheating or anything like that, not that i know of we are just 2 completely different people, we dont always agree when it comes to our kids and finances or life in general. We both just have different views on lots of things
Maybe you can both have your roles and accept that your approach will be different from your husband's. Adapt to each other's roles and accept that. This way you don't have to try to change him. There is some good in both roles and the kids can learn from both approaches. Personally, I think kids figure out their own social relationships quickly and how to adapt and resolve issues. Sometimes, not doing anything and letting the child resolve it on their own may be solution.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,627 posts, read 17,961,729 times
Reputation: 50650
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveyonnie
What i mean by we don't agree on how to raise our kids is we are just different im more of a helicopter protecter parent, i freak out when the kids get hurt, i dont like them being around people i dont know by themselves and when other kids are mean to them i tend to get upset and want my kids to beat the crap out of the other kids versus my husband is very hands off if they get hurt seems like he doesnt care whereas im rushing to them ' babying ' them... We dont agree on life in general pretty much we just have different outlooks on life moral is we are complete opposites even sexual wise we just dont care for the same things
This is an enormous problem. If you have preschoolers and you want your little bitty kids to "beat the crap" out of other little bitty kids, I can see why your husband is standing back and reconsidering.
It sounds like you two are not a match at all.
For the sake of your children, I would recommend family counseling although it seems like you both came from completely different worlds.
Do you notice other parents are saying things like, don't hit that hurts, and "use your words"?
I do think that almost any relationship goes through seasons, such that it is easier sometimes and more challenging other times. You may either find your groove or find that you may be better off apart.
THIS.
But too much fighting can affect your physical and mental health. Don't stay in a plainly non-compatible marriage. You deserve as pleasant a life as possible. Constant upset does not allow that.
Don't "settle" either. Find a partner with whom you can enjoy your lives together.
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