Opinions Please - Living Together and Things From The Past (men, cheat)
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If that's the case, why not walk in and say something like, "I saw this towel and I'm confused. I thought we talked about it and agreed that you would get rid of these. Did you change your mind?"
... instead of all the "my way or the highway" "In no uncertain terms" Black Bart swagger?
Totally agreed. The OP's post reeks of potential for physical abuse.
As a person who has moved far too many times I literally get to the stage where I just grab things and throw in a bag.
She was just being thoughtless that's all. You did the right thing in buying new towels to replace them and telling her your expectations. I think it should be fine now.
Maybe she was literally "thoughtless" but that's because it was completely unimportant to her. Some people are raised to not throw away perfectly good items. To the OP - would it be okay if she used them as rags to clean up super-disgusting stuff?! I'm only half kidding.
Anyway, since you were willing to buy the replacements fine - just don't go assuming that everyone does or should think like you do or you'll be running into much bigger issues than this. This was a very small, but good lesson - you need to express yourself better and not dig your heels in over the small stuff or this won't last for long.
I won't harp on OP's communication issues as other posters have already addressed that.
I think OP feels insecure since the gf for some reason wants to keep the towels. Most women get rid of things that remind them of old relationships. However, she has to be ready to get rid of them and sometimes that can take a while, even when you are in a new and happier relationship. OP harassing the gf about it isn't going to make that process happen any faster. Rather than trying to force her to do something she apparently doesn't want to do (which is not a good communication approach any way), try making her happy where she is, with you, in your relationship. That will most likely lead her to decide to get rid of them herself, in her own time. Also, she probably did it for attention. Again, focus on making her happy and the nonsense games will probably stop, probably.
Most importantly, don't get caught up on silly fights that can easily turn into bigger problems. If you love her, let it go!
Maybe she was literally "thoughtless" but that's because it was completely unimportant to her. Some people are raised to not throw away perfectly good items. To the OP - would it be okay if she used them as rags to clean up super-disgusting stuff?! I'm only half kidding.
Right. That's what I thought too. To my super Type A, easily angered ex-husband, I was "thoughtless" too. I often felt belittled by him. Because I loved him, I (begrudgingly at the time) adjusted some but in the end, I think he rubbed off on me just enough to balance me out nicely. After we split and once I started dating, I met someone who was worse than I was and began to be annoyed easily by how "thoughtless" this guy was. Lol So I can see both sides now.
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Anyway, since you were willing to buy the replacements fine - just don't go assuming that everyone does or should think like you do or you'll be running into much bigger issues than this. This was a very small, but good lesson - you need to express yourself better and not dig your heels in over the small stuff or this won't last for long.
If she is more "thoughtless" than you are and you want to keep a peaceful and happy marriage, I would also recommend minding how you talk to her.
Hopefully she will also be more mindful of her actions too, but if she isn't ever after your pointing it out, then you might have a hopeless one on your hands, like the guy I dated after I divorced.
OP would hate being in a relationship with me. I still have a computer desk, a perfectly good working VCR (over 20 years old and still runs!), and a flat-screen monitor, all that I got from my last ex.
My girlfriend and I have bought a house together. We have a great relationship and are planning to be married. She was married previously to a man who lied to her, cheated on her and was an alcoholic, so she finally left three years ago. We've had to deal with the process of bringing two households together. At her place she continued to use towels that were monogrammed with their initials. I expressed my displeasure at the fact that she still kept them (I mean, why the HELL would you keep anything from a person who treated you like dirt???), but she said that they were just towels and meant nothing to her. I left it alone since it was her home and I had no right to make demands. However, when we decided to live together, I told her in no uncertain terms that those towels (and for the most part anything connected to her ex) would not be following us to our new home. She agreed, but the other day I found one in the new house sitting on the sink.
I confronted her and said "Sorry, but these have to go." She immediately got defensive and gave me a lame excuse like "well...I didn't have anything to use!" (I should point out that she's been really good at burning up Ebay buying things for the new place, so she easily could have purchased towels or asked me to get them). I didn't budge and wound up going out and buying three sets of towels for her to use. She seemed perturbed but later on was her usual cheerful self. In fact, she's been in a better mood since.
I am of the opinion that certain things need to stay in the past, and bringing things from a previous (and bad) marriage into a new relationship is not only unhealthy, but disrespectful. I do not have any items from my previous marriage and wouldn't think of bringing them along. You want to keep pics and a few mementos? Fine. They go in a box, the box is sealed up and put in the attic. What I don't understand is why would she do something that she KNEW was going to cause a problem? She is well aware of my unwavering stance on this issue. Was it an act of defiance? Was it her way of not letting go and she "needed a push"? Did she just want to "poke the bear" and see what she could get away with?
BTW...please don't offer up things like "you should kick her to the curb" or "maybe you should reconsider", etc. as that's not happening. There are no real problems between us, and I'm not looking for that kind of input. I'm also aware that this wouldn't bother some men but I'm not that kind of person. This one was just a real head-scratcher on my part and I'm trying to understand the logic.
Thanks for your opinions.
If that's what you really think about her, then yes, you've got problems.
Your entire post is very intense. I can't believe you talk like that to someone you claim to want to marry.
Yeah, I get it, you don't want the towels there. So you got some new ones. All done. Move on.
OP, I concur with the posters who think you're portraying yourself in a very controlling manner.
I suspect she hadn't thrown out the towels because she didn't agree with your rationale for throwing them out, and didn't think it was a big deal to keep them. *shrug*
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