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I've heard complaints from women that are usually scared off by men, whom after going out on like 3 or 4 dates, start referring to them as their girlfriend. I recall a time at a dinner party that he invited his date to on the third date, his friends were saying to him, "Hey, nice catch" or "you did good, she's smart and pretty!" or "I like your new girlfriend!"
Things like that. Usually this can scare a woman off, yes? Anyone here had that problem after just a few dates? If it's even a problem for some?
I've heard complaints from women that are usually scared off by men, whom after going out on like 3 or 4 dates, start referring to them as their girlfriend. I recall a time at a dinner party that he invited his date to on the third date, his friends were saying to him, "Hey, nice catch" or "you did good, she's smart and pretty!" or "I like your new girlfriend!"
Things like that. Usually this can scare a woman off, yes? Anyone here had that problem after just a few dates? If it's even a problem for some?
Yes to the nth degree, although "scaring me off" is too strong of a term to use--at least for how I feel about such things. I don't like the pressure that it puts upon me to be exclusive with one particular man--especially that early in a relationship. Three or four dates in, is still the "dating" phase; I generally prefer that a man is continuing to see others within that time frame, but that's simply how I feel--not a hard and fast rule for any and all other women. I just don't like that feeling of having been "claimed" that early on, although some women definitely do love that feeling of exclusivity.
I've been seeing a man since early July, but I certainly don't refer to him as my "boyfriend" nor does he call me his "girlfriend." That being said, when we met a few of his former classmates last week and they assumed that I was his girlfriend, I didn't correct them as I didn't feel that it was worth the potential awkwardness to correct their assumption. Had they been friends or family who he sees on a regular basis we might have had a private talk later regarding this subject.
It doesn’t bother me. I don’t have to do anything differently bc someone referred to me as their gf. Women refer to one of their “girlfriends” all the time.
I don't attach the adjective 'going steady' to the term 'girl friend.' I think of it as much more simply. To me a 'girl friend' is just a friend who is a woman, but can have a wide range of meanings from a woman who is a friend, a woman I'm dating, or a woman who I have an exclusive relationships. IMO the definition is more loaded towards 'somebody who I am dating' but I don't see it as a definitive statement of an exclusive relationship.
IMO a GF must be somebody who you have regular dates with, unless preceded by the prefix ex- as in ex-GF. The dates may be platonic or romantic. IMHO
I have seen and experienced both ends of it. Mismatched timing/investment. Though I would not get worked up over something one of his friends said, if a guy I am dating calls me his girlfriend before I am willing to be called that, and we've not discussed it, it comes of as very presumptuous. Clingy, even. But if I am dating a man, and he isn't hugely invested in me emotionally, it's early stages yet and he isn't sure how far he wants to take "us" then for me to get all serious about it too soon when he isn't on the same page, is likely to spook him. It's happened.
And it is my belief that you should NEVER assume that you are exclusive. If I am giving up rights and freedoms, then I had better have the chance to consent to it explicitly. No one makes that decision for me. Assuming it is the case, is very disrespectful in my opinion, it's acting like I'm property and my autonomy doesn't matter. Nope.
I’m not a fan of using bf/gf terminology wih my SO in general. it’s usually relegated to being used with others to define our connection and keep things short handed and simplistic for them. No need to burden them with every single nuance and detail of our connection unless it’s the focus of the discussion.
The context really matters as to how this is perceived by people.
Last edited by rego00123; 10-16-2018 at 02:32 PM..
I've heard complaints from women that are usually scared off by men, whom after going out on like 3 or 4 dates, start referring to them as their girlfriend. I recall a time at a dinner party that he invited his date to on the third date, his friends were saying to him, "Hey, nice catch" or "you did good, she's smart and pretty!" or "I like your new girlfriend!"
Things like that. Usually this can scare a woman off, yes? Anyone here had that problem after just a few dates? If it's even a problem for some?
Not a problem. My husband's dingy sister went on and on about my husband's ex wife, and how I seemed to be better than her. All this in front of a room full of people. This was the first time she ever met me. What could I do but laugh?
Now...if the date was platonic, and the girl and the guy had it understood that it was platonic...I guess then it could be awkward. But really...why would a woman be angry at compliments?
I mean, after all, I AM a good catch. Is it so bad if other people notice it?
There isn't really much else you can call someone you're dating. If you say "this is my friend" or "this is my lady/gentleman friend" you sound like you're 80 and people assume you're shagging and embarrassed to say so. My BIL has had plenty of girlfriends since his divorce, and we call them that. "Who is your new girlfriend?" He doesn't freak out and the girlfriends probably don't either.
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