My boyfriend is backpacking in Vietnam and is not making an effort to communicate with me! Its making me feel invisible! (sleeping, feelings)

[BirdieBelle]

Yes, it is not at all surprising, given his behavior on the trip.

He has seen that there is a huge world out there, and he wants to experience more of it.

It does hurt, OP, but you need to accept it and work on the plans you have to be YOUR own separate person.

[Debsi]

Originally Posted by palmtrees099

He still wants to break up to be honest. That hasn't changed.

How is that different from breaking up? Somebody who tells you they want to break up with you DID break up with you, even if you haven't yet sorted out who gets the flat, etc.

I'm sorry you're in pain right now, but you need to face this reality to move forward and create a better life for yourself.

[HokieFan]

OP - I know it's painful and it will be painful for a long while but I do feel like this is the best thing that could happen to you. Let him go, and concentrate on getting yourself healthy. Therapy and counseling until your mental health is in a better place. And don't rush it. Don't rush getting into another relationship. Wait until you're in a good place mentally and emotionally so that you don't get into another unhealthy relationship.

When I look at the photo you posted of the two of you - your eyes tell me all I need to know. Your eyes are sad, OP. Those are not the eyes of a happy woman.

[palmtrees099]

This is my boyfriend in Vietnam, you can clearly see that something has changed in him. This photo was taken close to the end of his trip. ^^^^^^^




This is the photo my boyfriend sent me of himself on the last night of his trip before he flew home. You can clearly see that something is affecting him and on his mind. I've never seen him look so unhappy.



This one with the motorbike was taken at the beginning of his trip. We were still communicating at this point. He was making a big effort to communicate with me. This is the boyfriend that I recognize and know, he looks soft, caring, kind and gentle and sensible in a way.


These photos tell me an awful lot and I know he must of been thinking about our relationship whilst he was in Vietnam. I can see that something has shifted in his face. I don't recognize him in the top photo at all.

I think I need to let him go so he can find himself and his own hapiness.

[wasel]

Why don’t you just tell everyone the whole story of what happened when he came back?

[palmtrees099]

Originally Posted by wasel

Why don’t you just tell everyone the whole story of what happened when he came back?

I already have. I wrote about that yesterday and I told you all about what happened on Friday night after he arrived back from the airport.

We're still living together at this point and we both go back to our flat everyday after work. We're still sharing a bed. It's surreal and devastating

[palmtrees099]

Here

Originally Posted by palmtrees099

He still wants to break up to be honest. That hasn't changed.

He got back from Vietnam on friday. He told me not to meet him at the airport even tthough we had planned to do this. He arrived back at our flat after travelling back from the airport by himself and initially I knew that something was very wrong. It was like he was a new person, I didn't recognize him. It was unnerving. He wasn't at all pleased to see me, he was very cold and didn't want to hug me, kiss me or even catch up with me. He immediately just starting unpacking his bag (I think to divert his attention away from me). I was sitting on the sofa at this point, watching him and feeling so confused. I thought that he may have cheated on me (this crossed my mind as soon as he got back) he was so different. He would barely even look at me. After he unpacked his bag and sorted through all of his clothes, he came to me whilst I was still on the sofa and he said this to me:
"I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm going to be quitting my job on Monday. I'm going to be handing in my notice "
I was so shocked, please bare in mind I hadn't seen him for a month and it was very late (around midnight). He arrived back to our flat at about 23:00.
So after he told me this about his plans to quit his job, I knew something was wrong... I started to get the feeling that things werent about us anymore.
He then went straight to tell me that he wanted to break up from me and be his own separate person. He told me that he wants to continue travelling and that he no longer has any romantic feelings for me. He told me that he still loves me for who I am, but he's lost that romantic Spark. He told me that whilst he was travelling in Vietnam, he didn't think of me and it made him realise that he wasn't happy with our relationship and his life back home with Me.
I was devastated, in so much shock and I think we talked some more and then went to bed (in the same bed) but we were like strangers sharing a bed. Very very painful as I was so excited to be reunited and I'd been waiting a month to see him ☹️

This is just Friday night after he got back from the airport, a lot more has happened since then, I'll update you in the next post.

[HokieFan]

Originally Posted by palmtrees099

I think I need to let him go so he can find himself and his own hapiness.

I'll put a different spin on it, and this is how you should think about it:

You need to let him go so you can find yourself and your own happiness.

Originally Posted by palmtrees099

We're still living together at this point and we both go back to our flat everyday after work. We're still sharing a bed. It's surreal and devastating

Ok. So stop doing that. And if there's any intimacy going on - stop that, too. Either you or him need to sleep on the couch (or wherever) until you (or him) find a new place to live.

Have you guys started talking about how you foresee separating? Who moves out? Who gets what? And a timeline?

Don't let it drag on, OP. It's like a bandaid - just rip it off.

OP - Did you have your therapy consultation this week?

[palmtrees099]

Originally Posted by HokieFan

I'll put a different spin on it, and this is how you should think about it:

You need to let him go so you can find yourself and your own happiness.



Ok. So stop doing that. And if there's any intimacy going on - stop that, too. Either you or him need to sleep on the couch (or wherever) until you (or him) find a new place to live.

Have you guys started talking about how you foresee separating? Who moves out? Who gets what? And a timeline?

Don't let it drag on, OP. It's like a bandaid - just rip it off.

OP - Did you have your therapy consultation this week?

Look after 4 years of us living together, I can't stop doing that. I don't want to ever stop sharing a bed with him.
He's the one that wants us to break up, not me... I'm still in shock and I'm in so much pain, I can't imagine making plans to sleep on the sofa. I still can't, it's so raw and so early on. Sharing a bed with thr one i love was one of the greatest pleasures and comforts in my life, I thought we'd be doing it for the rest of our lives

I was so so so excited for him to get back from Vietnam on Friday. I was so excited to see him and so ready to be in his company again. It's so hard to switch these feelings off, so so hard. I never ever imagined this. I was waiting a whole month to have him back and I was counting down the days. All of this is still so unimaginable to me. I had no idea we'd be breaking up.

[Harry Hemi]

Originally Posted by palmtrees099

Look after 4 years of us living together, I can't stop doing that. I don't want to ever stop sharing a bed with him.
He's the one that wants us to break up, not me... I'm still in shock and I'm in so much pain, I can't imagine making plans to sleep on the sofa. I still can't, it's so raw and so early on. Sharing a bed with thr one i love was one of the greatest pleasures and comforts in my life, I thought we'd be doing it for the rest of our lives

I was so so so excited for him to get back from Vietnam on Friday. I was so excited to see him and so ready to be in his company again. It's so hard to switch these feelings off, so so hard. I never ever imagined this. I was waiting a whole month to have him back and I was counting down the days. All of this is still so unimaginable to me. I had no idea we'd be breaking up.

Do you really want to sleep in a bed with someone that doesnt really want to be in the bed with you?