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Yes, I spoke to my mum and dad yesterday. We're on good speaking terms.
They don't live in London, they live in a small town about three hours away by car.
So they are aware of what you're going through?
I know you really like living in London, but are there any jobs back in your hometown, where they live?
I know you really like living in London, but are there any jobs back in your hometown, where they live?
Yes they are aware of absolutely everything. They will do anything to help me, but I don't feel at home at my parents house. I dread going back, I've never been happy there and my parents are lovely but I don't think they're what I need right now. My boyfriend feels more like family than they do, I've always felt so at home with him.
There may be some jobs in my parents hometown (supermarket assistant) etc but I can't see myself working there and being happy. I'll need my own independence and space to breathe and be my own person as soon as possible
I feel so daunted and worried about the prospect of going back to my parents house I feel like I'm going to majorly regress
I've only ever felt happy there when my boyfriend's been there too
We've spent so much time at my parents house together, we've gone for long weekends and have spent many Christmases and birthdays I'm going to feel so unbelievably lonely and trapped when I go back thee and he's missing and not there to cheer me up and love me for me
I'm going to see the sadness and worry in my parents faces I'm going to go mad
I'm so trapped, I want to rent my own room at the very very least but I have no money - I paid my boyfriend rent yesterday and the money I have remaining is only £300
Maybe my parents can help me pay for a room in a nearby city, but My parents probably just want me to stay at home with them for as long as possible so they can
look after me I won't be able to breathe
What do you think my parents want for me?
Last edited by palmtrees099; 11-02-2018 at 11:51 AM..
I can't even guess, but "going back there" doesn't have to be permanent. It might be a good idea for you to live somewhere and earn money so that you CAN be independent. You don't need to look at it as regressing. It can be a positive step toward your new, healthy life.
The biggest problem now is that you have become SO codependent that you cannot even have a thought without bringing him into it.
I can't even guess, but "going back there" doesn't have to be permanent. It might be a good idea for you to live somewhere and earn money so that you CAN be independent. You don't need to look at it as regressing. It can be a positive step toward your new, healthy life.
The biggest problem now is that you have become SO codependent that you cannot even have a thought without bringing him into it.
I know it may be a step towards a new positive life, but I'm leaving EVERYTHING behind, everything I've built and known for the past 5 years as well as my biggest love and support in life.where my parents live is very very different to London, I've never been happy there and it's so so so so daunting and scary to imagine going back there. I'm going to have no control over anything, I've going to be devastated and heartbroken and missing my boyfriend every second. I can't even invisage myself finding another job. I feel like the only hope I'll ever have is if I'm able to rent a room in a house or fiat share and start slowly building UP a fulfilled life slowly and by myself (with my parents support from a distance) ... I need to be in a completely new environment with new people for the moment as everything is so painful and my parents are only going to bring back memories of my boyfriend
OP, here's the deal; he's not yours anymore. He is now your ex. Even if he's physically in your flat, he is mentally gone already. If you're still sleeping together, he's doing that for his own physical satisfaction and not out of love/affection/wanting to make up. As Oprah used to say, "When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time." He is already out the door. And don't you think that staying in that same flat is going to bring back memories of your EX even more than your parents' home would?
I've only ever felt happy there when my boyfriend's been there too
We've spent so much time at my parents house together, we've gone for long weekends and have spent many Christmases and birthdays I'm going to feel so unbelievably lonely and trapped when I go back thee and he's missing and not there to cheer me up and love me for me
Happiness is a choice one makes. Living in the past and deciding you will be unhappy will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When one has memories of the past that intrude on the present happiness, one needs to focus on today. There was a time when I was very focused on some very real unpleasantness and memories from the past. I had to learn to be in the present moment. I grounded myself by reminding myself of the date/time, by looking around and seeing what was directly in my physical sight, by smelling whatever there was to smell, by using my senses to live in the now. I was mindful of the present. I reminded myself that the unpleasant memories were in the past. This is now. You can change your present and your future. You cannot change the past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by palmtrees099
I'm going to see the sadness and worry in my parents faces I'm going to go mad
but My parents probably just want me to stay at home with them for as long as possible so they can
look after me I won't be able to breathe
More self fulfilling prophecies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by palmtrees099
What do you think my parents want for me?
They probably want for you want most parents want for their children: independence, capable adulthood, and a fulfilling life.
Oh, and I agree that a new start would be good. You just lost the job, so that department is covered in terms of making a fresh start. If you feel you can't handle moving home with your parents, ask them if they would be willing to help you finance renting a new flat, as I imagine you would probably have to break your lease. If they are concerned about you (and I'm sure they will be), they would support you in terms of finding a place that is more affordable for just one person and that would also give you a fresh start.
Happiness is a choice one makes. Living in the past and deciding you will be unhappy will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When one has memories of the past that intrude on the present happiness, one needs to focus on today. There was a time when I was very focused on some very real unpleasantness and memories from the past. I had to learn to be in the present moment. I grounded myself by reminding myself of the date/time, by looking around and seeing what was directly in my physical sight, by smelling whatever there was to smell, by using my senses to live in the now. I was mindful of the present. I reminded myself that the unpleasant memories were in the past. This is now. You can change your present and your future. You cannot change the past.
Exactly what I need right now as well... Thank you for sharing this
Oh, and I agree that a new start would be good. You just lost the job, so that department is covered in terms of making a fresh start. If you feel you can't handle moving home with your parents, ask them if they would be willing to help you finance renting a new flat, as I imagine you would probably have to break your lease. If they are concerned about you (and I'm sure they will be), they would support you in terms of finding a place that is more affordable for just one person and that would also give you a fresh start.
Ok, I'll mention this to them... I'd like to rent a room.
Don't you think theyll want me to be living with them for a while so that they can take care of me and check I'm okay? I'm not ready for this I need my own space to grow and thrive and move on and to get to know myself again
I feel so ungrateful saying these things as I know my parents would do anything to help me, but the truth is I know more than anything I want my own room and to live independently and to build up my own life slowly but surely
Jess, would you mind writing out what that ^^^ is? Without mentioning him?
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