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Why is everyone making OP the bad guy here? Yes he should let this girl know if it wants to be official or not, but what business is it to everyone else?
Also do other women really feel not wanted if you're not showed off like a shiny new toy?
If we're actively hidden and sworn to secrecy lest anyone find out we exist in the man's life, yes, we really feel not wanted. You wouldn't?
Perhaps, or it could be your own hyperbole that's getting in the way of imagining why this could bother someone.
I get it. It's plays with your self-esteem. If it bothers the girl OP is seeing then she should tell him. If OP doesn't wish to compromise then she's free to move on and find someone more compatible.
I'm not saying OP is in the right, but not being a people's person doesn't make him wrong. He and this girl clearly have different views on the subject. Doesn't make either right or wrong just incompatible.
I get it. It's plays with your self-esteem. If it bothers the girl OP is seeing then she should tell him. If OP doesn't wish to compromise then she's free to move on and find someone more compatible.
I'm not saying OP is in the right, but not being a people's person doesn't make him wrong. He and this girl clearly have different views on the subject. Doesn't make either right or wrong just incompatible.
Sort of ...
My concern isn't even about the girlfriend and whether or not she feels validated by this guy she's dating. It's whether the OP is even really capable of a relationship, based on this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by joogger
I am introverted and don't like the attention. Feel like people are pressuring me and dictating my life and I don't get a say.
This ^^ is a VERY concerning phrase.
IDK if he is actually introverted or just antisocial. Something is going on for him to feel this ^^^ way. And sometimes when people get teased because they are quiet or don't have great social skills, they become this cynical type of shy that really doesn't like other people and sits back and judges.
That's why I think this has something to do with control. He basically said it. He wants to have a say. So if he's not ready to date her publicly, he's probably not ready to date her period, and he needs to own that.
My concern isn't even about the girlfriend and whether or not she feels validated by this guy she's dating. It's whether the OP is even really capable of a relationship, based on this:
This ^^ is a VERY concerning phrase.
IDK if he is actually introverted or just antisocial. Something is going on for him to feel this ^^^ way. And sometimes when people get teased because they are quiet or don't have great social skills, they become this cynical type of shy that really doesn't like other people and sits back and judges.
That's why I think this has something to do with control. He basically said it. He wants to have a say. So if he's not ready to date her publicly, he's probably not ready to date her period, and he needs to own that.
A relationship is between all those involved. In this case, OP and this girl. They set the rules, conditions, boundaries which means they both have a say in how their relationship goes. The girl wants to go public and he doesn't. It's an incompatibility.
As for OP not being capable of a relationship, I must have missed something that declares all romantic relations must be broadcasted. I get some people want to share their love with others and that's okay. This doesn't make those who don't incapable of relationships. They just have different values.
A relationship is between all those involved. In this case, OP and this girl. They set the rules, conditions, boundaries which means they both have a say in how their relationship goes. The girl wants to go public and he doesn't. It's an incompatibility.
As for OP not being capable of a relationship, I must have missed something that declares all romantic relations must be broadcasted. I get some people want to share their love with others and that's okay. This doesn't make those who don't incapable of relationships. They just have different values.
Except nobody is saying he has to paw over her or even show her off or brag about her in public. But at least an acknowledgment that they are together.
Makes me think he's not really that into her.
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