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Old 10-24-2018, 07:17 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,396 posts, read 24,449,916 times
Reputation: 17477

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Do you think he is suffering from depression? That could account for poor communication and be a result of pain issues.

If he won’t go to counseling, try to find someone for yourself to talk to, in addition to any friends or family you have. I’m sure you’re feeling numb.

A professional mediator once told me that divorcing couples often file before they speak to someone like himself to lay out the groundwork for a less contentious split. That’s just about all I know about the subject.

There are plenty of positive people here, so don’t let some of the less supportive ones make you feel paranoid.

Take good care of yourself.
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Old 10-25-2018, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Columbus, Indiana
993 posts, read 2,291,493 times
Reputation: 1511
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Do you love him? Did you love him when you married? Or did you marry for other reasons?
I did love him when we got married. I didn't get married until I was almost 42, I was my husband's 3rd wife. I could sense things weren't going well for a while, I guess I just thought they would get better
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Old 10-25-2018, 08:56 AM
 
Location: Columbus, Indiana
993 posts, read 2,291,493 times
Reputation: 1511
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
Do you think he is suffering from depression? That could account for poor communication and be a result of pain issues.

If he won’t go to counseling, try to find someone for yourself to talk to, in addition to any friends or family you have. I’m sure you’re feeling numb.

A professional mediator once told me that divorcing couples often file before they speak to someone like himself to lay out the groundwork for a less contentious split. That’s just about all I know about the subject.

There are plenty of positive people here, so don’t let some of the less supportive ones make you feel paranoid.

Take good care of yourself.
Thank you ellie. It's pretty difficult, I do have good friends I can talk to,which I am going to do. That's why I like this forurm, there are a lot of good helpful people here.
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Old 10-25-2018, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Columbus, Indiana
993 posts, read 2,291,493 times
Reputation: 1511
Thank you tigermomma.
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Old 10-25-2018, 09:02 AM
 
19,626 posts, read 12,222,208 times
Reputation: 26427
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindiana View Post
He didn't seem happy ,but I thought it was due to pain issues he was having. The cold wather doesn't help his pain. A lot of our problems had to do with lack of communication.
Whose fault was that?
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Old 10-25-2018, 09:18 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,725,695 times
Reputation: 54735
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cindiana View Post
I did love him when we got married. I didn't get married until I was almost 42, I was my husband's 3rd wife. I could sense things weren't going well for a while, I guess I just thought they would get better
Why did your husband's other two marriages fall apart? You may find answers there. People don't really change who they are in relationships.
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Old 10-25-2018, 02:21 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,758 posts, read 19,968,204 times
Reputation: 43163
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Whose fault was that?
Who cares?


I am sorry, OP. Feel hugged.
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Old 10-25-2018, 02:32 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,451,329 times
Reputation: 9548
Not much to say.
Respect each others wishes and try to be respectful to one another.
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Old 10-25-2018, 02:38 PM
 
4,050 posts, read 6,139,793 times
Reputation: 1574
I'm so sorry that he wants to split without giving counseling or other methods of resolving things a chance. And he just sprung that on you like that. Glad, though, that you have friends to talk to who will be supportive. Best wishes to you. I wish I had some advice but I don't know anyone who's been through something similar.
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Old 10-25-2018, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,792,126 times
Reputation: 6561
I've experienced this. I think its different with women. When a woman makes up her mind she's done, thats it. Then she informs the man 6 months later, who has been in the dark. That's my story. She was planning and saving money while I was paying all the bills. All that to say I was blindsided just like you, but I was devastated, unlike you. We were together for a total of 7 years. Took me a long time to get over it, and I still think about how I ruined the best years of my life by being with the wrong woman. We also didn't have kids, and I wish we had even if we weren't going to stay together because I wanted them. Too late now. Anyway, in your case, sounds like he may have someone else. I base that on 3 marriages and him not wanting counseling, but who knows. Just a guess. I've become cynical at this point. I think you'll be fine on your own because it seems men need women more than women need men these days. You're probably very independent with a good social life and support system. I didn't have those things. In conclusion, I can empathize and I also think you'll be great without him.
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