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And by this I mean one who is way above average in one and sadly lacking in the other.
like many things often when someone excels in a given skill they tend to do poorly in it's opposite sort of how people with extremely high IQ's tend to have very low EQ's.
For this thread I will define the extreme social skills low interpersonal skills Guy/gal as that life of the party dude/babe who can walk into any room and garner positive attention not many super close friends(though he does not know this) but tons of associates. no matter where you go with this person you run into people he/she knows from somewhere. But the downside this person is not very good one on one, too long one on one they seem bored, no deep long conversations. and any advice he she gives is some platitude that could fit on a bumper sticker.
For this thread I will define the extreme interpersonal skills low social skills That person who seems shy and closed off but once the ice is broken you find them smart, warm and loving no matter how you are feeling they can read your mood and know just what to say, they have very few friends maybe 1 or 2 but they are life long friends(usually since childhood) who would offer a kidney if he needed one he/she always makes you feel special. Downside: not very good at reading the room, not good at picking up on non-verbal communication(only reason he/she can do that with you is because you stuck around long enough for him/her to get used to your unique body language) if you are more social you tend to have to explain his/her awkwardness to friends and family.
I voted extreme interpersonal skills low social skills. My first husband has ASD and I've dated other men with similar traits and mannerisms. Being an introvert with SAD, I don't really need a partner who is uber social. I can socialize when I feel like it. I just find it...exhausting after a period of time, especially small talk and large gatherings. I greatly prefer interpersonal skills for the dynamics and function of a relationship.
Not sure if it matters and MBTI isn't a science. Ex-h is ISFP.
My husband is an introvert but can be social and he's good with people. He can read cues and body language pretty well. It has become a learned trait due to his profession. He has excellent interpersonal skills. My husband is predominantly INFP (occasionally gets INTP). I'm INF/TP.
I’ll pick interpersonal skills every time. But I am an INTJ who married an ISTJ, so it matters to me more that someone is highly intelligent, thoughtful, and can have deep and rewarding relationships than if they can work a room.
Last edited by Schmooky; 11-02-2018 at 09:28 PM..
Reason: Made hubby retake it and modified his type
I voted extreme interpersonal skills low social skills. My first husband has ASD and I've dated other men with similar traits and mannerisms. Being an introvert with SAD, I don't really need a partner who is uber social. I can socialize when I feel like it. I just find it...exhausting after a period of time, especially small talk and large gatherings. I greatly prefer interpersonal skills for the dynamics and function of a relationship.
Not sure if it matters and MBTI isn't a science. Ex-h is ISFP.
My husband is an introvert but can be social and he's good with people. He can read cues and body language pretty well. It has become a learned trait due to his profession. He has excellent interpersonal skills. My husband is predominantly INFP (occasionally gets INTP). I'm INF/TP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Schmooky
I’ll pick interpersonal skills every time. But I am an INTJ who married an INTJ, so it matters to me more that someone is highly intelligent, thoughtful, and can have deep and rewarding relationships than if they can work a room.
Both of your responses are refreshing as around here most women go for the guy with the high social skills. in my therapy group the women say it's because those guys make better FIRST, 2nd and 3rd impressions and by the time you realize he is all garnish and no meal it's too late where as the ones with interpersonal skills take so long to grow on you that you've already picked the other guy(because those traits take a while to shine unless a lucky/unlucky situation pops up where his/her traits can shine as he/she springs into action where as social charm can be seen right away).
One of the many reasons I only date one person at a time and look for people that operate the same way.
Both of your responses are refreshing as around here most women go for the guy with the high social skills. in my therapy group the women say it's because those guys make better FIRST, 2nd and 3rd impressions and by the time you realize he is all garnish and no meal it's too late where as the ones with interpersonal skills take so long to grow on you that you've already picked the other guy(because those traits take a while to shine unless a lucky/unlucky situation pops up where his/her traits can shine as he/she springs into action where as social charm can be seen right away).
One of the many reasons I only date one person at a time and look for people that operate the same way.
Add one more to the ones who prefer interpersonal to social skills.
The way I see it, a man who can work over the room can work over a woman.
I was married to the ambitious man who worked the room. Did not end well.
My SO has some antisocial tendencies. So do I. It did take a while for us to be sure about each other for a number of reasons, but now I would trust him with my life and vice versa. We were exclusive quickly, but it took a while to get to the ILY and let's live together point. Which is okay. I would rather a man be with me after carefully considering all that life with me entails.
One thing I would caution you about is not being willing to date someone who isn't immediately willing to agree not to date others. Key word being immediately. It took about a week and a half to realize I didn't want to date anyone else after seeing my SO just a handful of times. I wasn't sleeping with anyone I was dating at the time because I don't sleep with anyone outside of an exclusive arrangement. He was good with being exclusive at that point as well, it was mutual. But if he'd insisted on the first date or two that I stop seeing anyone right then and there, I might have run.
I got burned by getting too invested too quickly, so not being immediately exclusive was a protective measure. But when it's right... I had zero issue not accepting any more dates with anyone else.
So people are different. Not all people who date non-exclusively are players, male or female. I would give her at least a couple weeks to decide if she wants to date only you.
Aren't interpersonal and social skills the same thing?
There is some overlap and true the definitions seem similar but in common use social skills are used for groups of people where generally interpersonal is used more for one on one skills.
Some people are lousy at both, some are good at both, but in general people who exceed at one are usually not very good at the other.
For the purposes of a relationship all I require is interpersonal skills.
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