Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Lostlincoln, you never talk about the complicated relationship he's in and how you feel being the other woman? At 27 you should be more considerate of the fact that he's involved else where. Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Have you talked in depth about his complicated relationship, or have you just decided it would be alright to share? It seems you are still just looking at the chemical high and not the reality of how destructive this relationship is.
Just to add, I did a bit of Googling and while the first thing I found is that the causes of narcissism are generally unknown, the list of traits I found matches exactly the family environment my cousins grew up in. I won't call this verified, but I'm now pretty sure I'm right about the horrible temper father and alcoholic mother fits perfectly with my theory. (I assembled the pieces of my theory using what I learned in college, and later in my studies of psychology.)
Knowing various negative personality traits is a pretty useful skill. Nobody who knows what a narcissist is would want to get involved with one.
Sadly, it appears that narcissism is mostly regarded as incurable, and word is that they like being narcissists and don't want to be cured.
Anybody can follow my steps, Google "cause of narcissism."
I've seen that info online, too, but I also found one, that said one cause (and my observations bear this out), is having a parent with higher standards the the child can possibly reach, possibly combined with some kind of early trauma. Alcoholism in the family would qualify as a source of trauma. And I've noticed that some narcissists grew up in that type of environment, but I've known others, where alcoholism wasn't involved. But high standards definitely were, among other factors.
They have a ton in common, he can be fun (when he's not being weirdly controlling and critical), and he's SO-O-O good looking!
Part of the dynamic at work in these types of situations, including more extreme situations of a battered spouse, is the intermittent-reward thing. Casinos use this psychological trap to maximum advantage; people spend money, but every once in a while, they win a small jackpot, leading them to spend more money, hoping for a bigger jackpot. This tends to keep them hooked, especially the addictive personalities.
The OP's mental pleasure centers are being rewarded by good conversation and shared interests, not to mention the attractive visuals; she finds it flattering that a good-looking guy like him is interested in her. But the good conversations and fun outings cause her brain to override the importance of his terrible, and emotionally abusive, personality. She's high on the energy of their commonalities, so she's trying to sweep the psycho part under the rug, even though she knows she's miserable.
This is why she needs an impartial, objective opinion. She can't sort through the mixed signals on her own. It's like a person with a gambling addiction, who's lost hundreds, even thousands of dollars in a day of playing, posting on C-D to ask, "Should I walk away? But I've won a few times, and I know my big break is just around the corner. I'm on a roll...."
I think he just wanted me to be efficient and walk faster to our destination...(except the way he was talking to me was literally like a strict teacher) ok, I know that is not an excuse!
It was about control nothing else. What would have happened if you took 3 minutes longer to get to your destination? Nothing, that's what. Please do not make excuses for him. What he did was not normal or rational. I'm female and there is no way in h*ll I would have allowed someone to treat me like that. Saying go left here to someone who doesn't know how to get to a destination is one thing but what you described is a huge red flag.
Ask him to mail your stuff to you or have a male friend pick it up.
I've seen that info online, too, but I also found one, that said one cause (and my observations bear this out), is having a parent with higher standards the the child can possibly reach, possibly combined with some kind of early trauma. Alcoholism in the family would qualify as a source of trauma. And I've noticed that some narcissists grew up in that type of environment, but I've known others, where alcoholism wasn't involved. But high standards definitely were, among other factors.
I just phoned my retired clinical psychologist friend and in rough terms she would agree with you (as I interpret her).
1. Parent with high standards for their children
2. Parents who excessively praise their children
3. Bad family life (e.g. alcoholism)
4. Just something in their brain
She says there are various theories but there is no single unified theory of the causes of narcissism.
I just phoned my retired clinical psychologist friend and in rough terms she would agree with you (as I interpret her).
1. Parent with high standards for their children
2. Parents who excessively praise their children
3. Bad family life (e.g. alcoholism)
4. Just something in their brain
She says there are various theories but there is no single unified theory of the causes of narcissism.
This is such valuable information, bless you for making the effort to call you friend! This should go in the Psychology forum. There have been a few threads asking about narcissism, this year and last year, by people struggling to understand a narcissistic parent. This is priceless info!
However... Apparently his personality was not OK at all. He was quite impatient and liked controlling people around him. He had such strict rules in his place and I always felt not at ease there. When we were out together, he would walk behind me and tell me which direction to turn, should I go faster or slower. He just gave orders like "turn left. Turn right. Go faster. Move. Move faster. " or he would just walk super fast and left me behind. when it rained, he didn't really care about me even though he was the one who hold the umbrella. etc etc... He was very selfish and always suspicious of many things. He had no sympathy for poor people and I felt like when he only spent his time on talking with people when 1. he knew he could get something from them(in my case, I was probably just a potential convenient fwb for him) or 2. Girls or women who were beautiful enough and showed their interest in him(This one is true since I observed how he interacted with females) or 3. He just suddenly felt bored and need someone to speak with(probably also my case) 4. He wanted to keep his noble and nice reputation, since almost everyone who knew him thinking that he's reliable, trustworthy and super intelligent.
I think he's in a relationship with a girl (maybe long distance---since I'm sure he lived alone-- I found this out later though) but he still wanted to "play around"--- like he said he's quite open minded when it comes to sex. He could be so cold hearted towards people sometimes and that scared me. He was popular among females and he totally knew how to use this as an advantage.
OK, ok, I am trying! but sometimes you just cannot control it, I have decided that I should stop scolding my girl friends who are in love with bad guys...because I am doing the same thing now
You aren't in love with him; you barely know him. What you are feeling is sexual interest.
You aren't in love with him; you barely know him. What you are feeling is sexual interest.
Infatuation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
