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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Not too long at all. It's not short, but short isn't good.
That said, it was a downer. You seem grey, and down, and a bit hopeless. You are looking for someone to pick you up and excite you.
Not a good feel. The profile should paint a picture of who you are and what your passions are. You don't seem in a positive passionate head space. If that is accurate, you probably shouldn't be dating.
Why do you describe your flaws? And why do you want to know their perceived flaws?
Knowing your flaws and being open/honest about them shows a great deal of self awareness and a willingness to be vulnerable, both of which I feel are imperative to being able form meaningful relationships. Plus, they are what make people interesting to me.
Knowing your flaws and being open/honest about them shows a great deal of self awareness and a willingness to be vulnerable, both of which I feel are imperative to being able form meaningful relationships. Plus, they are what make people interesting to me.
I agree with your view on the importance of vulnerability as well as self awareness.
But from a girl's perspective, I want to meet you first, and see if I can trust you before I tell you what my flaws are. You may scare some good people away because they don't like that you are getting so personal so soon.
The paragraph below I liked. I deleted the sentences in them that rubbed me the wrong way.
You will have access to her online profile so asking this is WAY too personal to expect an honest reply. More over this is the type of stuff I would feel more comfortable talking about on a third date: **Or better yet, tell me about your goals, dreams, desires, ambitions, fears, and/or meaningful experiences in your life that shaped who you are today.**Your perceived flaws be a great starting point too.
The first paragraph I would say:
Currently Im working as a firefighter and paramedic. I'm also looking to apply to medical school soon.
I love music and literature that speaks to the human condition.**I’m fascinated by psychology/behavior and why we do the things that we do.**I’m very much in touch with my emotions.**I know that masculinity and sensitivity aren't mutually exclusive.**I’m better at expressing myself through written words than I am speaking.**
I’ve learned that being open and honest with how I’m feeling and reflecting on why I’m feeling that way is the best course of action in avoiding unnecessary conflict.**I’ve learned just how important trust and communication are in the context of relationships and in life.* Life is so much better with meaningful relationships and someone to share experiences with.**
I’m a person of faith, but will never push my beliefs onto anyone.**I enjoy sleeping in on Sundays and have felt closer to God outdoors than I ever did in church.**Looking up into the endless night sky invokes a sobering sense of humility, and I don’t take the time to do it often enough.**
I know that feeling is fleeting as relationships progress from the “honeymoon” phase to something more “real”, and I understand that no one is perfect, but I want to be with someone I’ll continue to respect deeply and admire for the long haul.**
Looking for self awareness, depth, maturity, intelligence, vulnerability, authenticity, and integrity.**Someone that can clearly express their emotions even when it's uncomfortable to do so.**A mental and physical connection.**A best friend and lover.**Outdoorsy.**If my profile resonates with you, we're probably compatible.**Break the ice by telling me what you’ve been listening to lately.
I’m not interested in being your pen pal.**Let’s exchange a few messages, and if we hit it off, arrange a good time to meet up to see if there’s any chemistry in person.**I don’t fall in love often, but when I do, I’m 100% on board and will fight for the relationship until the bitter end or until there’s no fight left in my partner.**I hope you feel the same.
I’m not interested in being your pen pal.**Let’s exchange a few messages, and if we hit it off, arrange a good time to meet up to see if there’s any chemistry in person.**I don’t fall in love often, but when I do, I’m 100% on board and will fight for the relationship until the bitter end or until there’s no fight left in my partner.**I hope you feel the same.
A couple of thoughts on this Edit: I'd skip the first sentence. It's negative. I find "I don't want..." statements in profiles to be a turnoff. Example: "No broke guys, please" can be turned into "You should be financially solvent..." Anyway, the second sentence says it perfectly all by itself.
I'd also skip the part about "fighting the relationship to the bitter end.." So.. if we fall in love and I later decide I'm not in love with you anymore, you're going to stalk me?
I'd also suggest that the OP include a full body shot or two. I'm guessing he's in great shape and that's always a plus!
A couple of thoughts on this Edit: I'd skip the first sentence. It's negative. I find "I don't want..." statements in profiles to be a turnoff. Example: "No broke guys, please" can be turned into "You should be financially solvent..." Anyway, the second sentence says it perfectly all by itself.
I'd also skip the part about "fighting the relationship to the bitter end.." So.. if we fall in love and I later decide I'm not in love with you anymore, you're going to stalk me?
I'd also suggest that the OP include a full body shot or two. I'm guessing he's in great shape and that's always a plus!
Agreed. The last paragraph can read:
Let’s exchange a few messages, and if we hit it off, arrange a good time to meet up to see if there’s any chemistry in person.
I understand the OP's desire to include the pen pal line, based on what a lot of guys have posted here about connecting with women from dating sites who then appear to only want someone to text with and never actually make the meet-up happen.
It could be worded more positively so it doesn't sound like the "no broke guys" line, even just to say, "I want more than a pen pal. Let's exchange a few messages, then ..."
Still, there's no guarantee that the women who respond will recognize that they are that pen pal type and self-select.
I don't really think it's too long at all. When I did mine on OKC it was similar length if not slightly more and I got quite a few responses (they initiated contact first, not me). As a few others have mentioned, it all really depends what you're looking for.
I had a very specific type if person I was interested in, I wasn't interested in going out with people who didn't share the same interests and lifestyle that I have. To me, that's just a waste of time. Nearly all of the women I dated met all those criteria, so it just boiled down to how well we hit it off when we met in person. Whenever I read short, generic profiles with one sentence responses, I always just skipped over them.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966
Whenever I read short, generic profiles with one sentence responses, I always just skipped over them.
Me too. If you're not invested in meeting your people, and haven't done the work to figure out who you are and what you're about, why would I ever message you? Not worth the time.
I understand the OP's desire to include the pen pal line, based on what a lot of guys have posted here about connecting with women from dating sites who then appear to only want someone to text with and never actually make the meet-up happen.
It could be worded more positively so it doesn't sound like the "no broke guys" line, even just to say, "I want more than a pen pal. Let's exchange a few messages, then ..."
Still, there's no guarantee that the women who respond will recognize that they are that pen pal type and self-select.
I say one week talking online is the maximum length. I online dated too and the back and forth messages drove me nuts.
OP if you find someone you like online, don’t ask them all those things you wrote in the first post. Keep it light and ask her out for drinks or coffee after a few days. Get to know her naturally. I bet you don’t make friends by asking strangers a lot of these personal questions. It can be off putting and come across as judgemental.
I’m here because tinder was entirely underwhelming.**
Currently employed as a firefighter/paramedic.**It’s not as exciting as you may imagine, though we do see some pretty horrible stuff from time to time.**It’s okay for the time being, but I don't have the passion for it that a true fireman should.
I’m working on getting accepted into medical school.**Currently taking prerequisite courses through the local community college and hoping to start in a program in Texas by the fall of 2020.**My interests are psychiatry, oncology, palliative care, and family medicine.**I believe in preventative care and making better lifestyle choices over medications.**I stay active, eat relatively healthy (real foods), and love being outdoors.**
I love music and literature that speaks to the human condition.**I’m fascinated by psychology/behavior and why we do the things that we do.**I’m very much in touch with my emotions.**I know that masculinity and sensitivity aren't mutually exclusive.**I’m better at expressing myself through written words than I am speaking.**
I’m introverted.**Moody at times.**I’m not always as patient as I should be.**I let my deep seated fears get the better of me sometimes, but I’ve learned that being open and honest with how I’m feeling and reflecting on why I’m feeling that way is the best course of action in avoiding unnecessary conflict.**I’ve learned just how important trust and communication are in the context of relationships and in life.* Life is so much better with meaningful relationships and someone to share experiences with.**
I’m a person of faith, but will never push my beliefs onto anyone.**I enjoy sleeping in on Sundays and have felt closer to God outdoors than I ever did in church.**Looking up into the endless night sky invokes a sobering sense of humility, and I don’t take the time to do it often enough.**
I want to be “wowed”.**Inspired to be a better person just by knowing you.**Slightly intimidated by how incredible I think you are and how much I feel you bring to a partnership.**I know that feeling is fleeting as relationships progress from the “honeymoon” phase to something more “real”, and I understand that no one is perfect, but I want to be with someone I’ll continue to respect deeply and admire for the long haul.**
Looking for self awareness, depth, maturity, intelligence, vulnerability, authenticity, and integrity.**Someone that can clearly express their emotions even when it's uncomfortable to do so.**A mental and physical connection.**A best friend and lover.**Outdoorsy.**If my profile resonates with you, we're probably compatible.**Break the ice by telling me what you’ve been listening to lately.**Or better yet, tell me about your goals, dreams, desires, ambitions, fears, and/or meaningful experiences in your life that shaped who you are today.**Your perceived flaws be a great starting point too.
I’m not interested in being your pen pal.**Let’s exchange a few messages, and if we hit it off, arrange a good time to meet up to see if there’s any chemistry in person.**I don’t fall in love often, but when I do, I’m 100% on board and will fight for the relationship until the bitter end or until there’s no fight left in my partner.**I hope you feel the same.
My reaction to your profile would probably be: Hmmm he's very thoughtful. Some of it does come off a bit over the top to me, but I'm kind of a straight-shooter type of girl. For example the parts where you say "I want to be wowed" and "inspired ... just by knowing you" and "slightly intimidated by how incredible I think you are." Like others have said though, that may speak to the right girl. The firefighter/medical school bit is a big plus to me, very noble professions. You don't sound like a narcissist or arrogant which are also pluses though it sounds like you have very high expectations for a partner; as a girl on the dating website I might feel a bit like I would never be able to meet these expectations. Also it's a bit long in my book but I've also seen longer. Overall I think you'd attract a very thoughtful and idealistic type of girl if that's what you're going for. Someone inclined to get coffee and chat for three hours about their life aspirations rather than a grabbing a beer at a sports bar to watch a football game.
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