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I would note that it is not everyone's goal in online dating to cast a wide net. If one is seeking a very specific type of potential match, and isn't concerned about getting a lot of responses, so long as they're the right responses, the route of approach one takes will differ.
I would also note that a particular type of respondent will really value authenticity and find it refreshing, in comparison to all the usual painting one's self in the most flattering light, which everyone knows is good salesmanship, but which seldom holds up.
F*cking bingo! Everyone is presenting themselves in the best light possible, but it doesn’t paint an accurate picture. It’s easy to talk about your good qualities. It’s far more difficult and takes much greater self awareness to know your baggage so to speak, and quite frankly, it’s far more interesting. If that scares someone off, they’re probably running from their own feelings and would be poor partners anyway if desiring the deeper connection that I am.
Last edited by Philosophizer; 11-05-2018 at 09:55 PM..
Too long. You're overselling yourself, and you don't need to. I have read your words in other posts, and you are a "catch" by any measure. Tone it down, Rudolph. Less is more.
What on earth gave anyone the impression that I actually desired to cast a wide net? 95% of the profiles I come across are women I’d never want anything to do with anyway. Lack of depth. An abundance of selfies. No individuality in their profile. Or I just don’t find them attractive physically, but even then, I may at least say something along the lines of “I appreciate the thought and effort you put into writing something meaningful about yourself. Good luck to you.”
I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and never claimed to be. There have been enough people in this thread that “get it”, which is really all the confirmation I need. It’s still a work in progress and I’m continuing to make revisions and will post a revised version that I’m fully satisfied with.
For those that get it, here’s a little gem for you.
So then write what you want. Why did you ask us? Asking a forum of thousands of people for a critique actually IS casting a wide net. You say you don't need that so you'll be fine. Good luck.
F*cking bingo! Everyone is presenting themselves in the best light possible, but it doesn’t paint an accurate picture. It’s easy to talk about your good qualities. It’s far more difficult and takes much greater self awareness to know your baggage so to speak, and quite frankly, it’s far more interesting. If that scares someone off, they’re probably running from their own feelings and would be poor partners anyway if desiring the deeper connection that I am.
NO one said you should't talk about your "baggage" at all. You asked about your online dating profile and a lot of us have said that that is not the place to talk about "baggage".
NO one said you should't talk about your "baggage" at all. You asked about your online dating profile and a lot of us have said that that is not the place to talk about "baggage".
It's not having the baggage that would put me off. It would be broadcasting the details of it to just...everybody. I feel when my SO shares his deepest fears and wishes with me, it's special. I don't expect anyone on earth not to have issues. It's the entire approach that would turn me off.
But I don't know if this is the input the OP is looking for anyway because now he's basically saying he doesn't care what 95% of people think so...? Only people who agree with his approach are being seen as useful here which sort of defeats the purpose of requesting a critique. OP should just stick with what he has and wait for a lid for his pot. And I mean that sincerely. I think that's best.
It's not having the baggage that would put me off. It would be broadcasting the details of it to just...everybody. I feel when my SO shares his deepest fears and wishes with me, it's special. I don't expect anyone on earth not to have issues. It's the entire approach that would turn me off.
But I don't know if this is the input the OP is looking for anyway because now he's basically saying he doesn't care what 95% of people think so...? Only people who agree with his approach are being seen as useful here which sort of defeats the purpose of requesting a critique. OP should just stick with what he has and wait for a lid for his pot. And I mean that sincerely. I think that's best.
I said the same thing earlier. That discussion on those personal things should be face to face, with someone you've developed trust with. Its much more meaningful that way. I live in a big city and strangers come up to you and start talking about their problems. Its super awkward and its what the OP is doing. He hasn't met the girl yet but he wants to tell her about his deep seated fears.
I hated men pictures where there was one man surrounded by 3 women! I'm like, insecure much? Looking for a 5 some?
I don't see this very often on my real account, I didn't hang around long enough to get enough profiles of men to get a good statistical sample. It stands to reason that if women do it men probably do it too.
When I see two women in the main picture, I'm guessing mother-daughter, and I'm thinkin' to heck with the mother, I'd rather date her daughter.
The lesson is to not post pictures that compete with you. Get some ugly friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
So then write what you want. Why did you ask us? Asking a forum of thousands of people for a critique actually IS casting a wide net. You say you don't need that so you'll be fine. Good luck.
Actually I think we CD-Relationship enthusiasts are the greatest romantic advice resource I've ever seen on the Internet. I've learned a huge amount from my topics, from comments in other topics, and from helping (or trying to help) people with problems. (When I give bad advice the others tell me and I revise my thinking.)
OP can bail any time if he doesn't like the advice. I'd like him to quote his full intended profile when it's all done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levels77
NO one said you should't talk about your "baggage" at all. You asked about your online dating profile and a lot of us have said that that is not the place to talk about "baggage".
You shouldn't talk about your baggage AT ALL. Not in your profile, not unless it's significant, like e.g. you have no legs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
It's not having the baggage that would put me off. It would be broadcasting the details of it to just...everybody. I feel when my SO shares his deepest fears and wishes with me, it's special. I don't expect anyone on earth not to have issues. It's the entire approach that would turn me off.
Yep, your SO is an entirely different thing. You don't want to tell everybody on the dating site all your baggage. Catch the fish first. Then do the baggage in messages.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
But I don't know if this is the input the OP is looking for anyway because now he's basically saying he doesn't care what 95% of people think so...? Only people who agree with his approach are being seen as useful here which sort of defeats the purpose of requesting a critique. OP should just stick with what he has and wait for a lid for his pot. And I mean that sincerely. I think that's best.
Well I never saw that before in CD-Relationships. You know, OP posts something and then rejects any and all advice. No, that never happens here.
/sarcasm
Actually OPs who are too negative generally drive off most of us who participate in trying to help them. They get left with the people who enjoy trading zingers. That's another game in CD-R.
You shouldn't talk about your baggage AT ALL. Not in your profile, not unless it's significant, like e.g. you have no legs.
Yep, your SO is an entirely different thing. You don't want to tell everybody on the dating site all your baggage. Catch the fish first. Then do the baggage in messages.
Yeah this is what I mean. Things that shaped who you are, and are more personal. The things you don't like about yourself. Things that make you cry. These are great things to talk about... with someone you love. Not a random dude who sends you a message online.
Yeah this is what I mean. Things that shaped who you are, and are more personal. The things you don't like about yourself. Things that make you cry. These are great things to talk about... with someone you love. Not a random dude who sends you a message online.
Besides that, in your online dating career you can evolve the messages you send as you learn what works. You can customize your baggage depending on what you're getting back from each person you are messaging.
But yeah, the baggage belongs in one-on-one messages, not in the profile. You don't hand them all your baggage at one time in messages, unlike your profile where the whole ugly mess is there for the world to see and judge you.
Like others have said, it's way too long. You're also being wayyyyy too honest and divulging too much information. Information that you don't even wanna give when you actually meet the person for the first time, because honestly, it's none of their damn business!
First off, I don't think you need to say up front that you don't have the passion for being a firefighter/paramedic and it's not as exciting as one would imagine. If you really feel that way, that's fine, but you don't need to advertise that. It's too negative right off the bat. You can name your profession, then get into the part about medical school. I thought that was all fine right there, your second paragraph.
Third paragraph starts out alright, but I'd lose the part about masculinity and sensitivity, as well as the part about expressing yourself better through written words than speaking. It's not at all needed.
That fourth paragraph is WAY TMI to strangers. You're burying yourself already by that fourth paragraph, even though you don't mean to, but you're doing it. You're throwing yourself right under the bus and inviting others to run you over with it. You don't need to tell everything. A lot of that is also negative. Moody, lack of patience, letting fear get the best of you sometimes, I'd ax that entire paragraph.
Fifth paragraph: It's fine to talk about your faith if that's something important to you. I don't see anything wrong with that one at all.
Sixth paragraph just sounds way too generic, rehearsed, trying too hard and cheesy, no offense. If you truly feel this way, I'm not knocking you, I just don't think you need to put it in writing on there. I don't think feeling that way is necessarily cheesy and generic, but writing it down in your profile definitely is.
Seventh paragraph: Not bad. I think all of that is actually something that sounds pretty concise and well-written. I don't think I'd touch that or chop any of that up. I don't see a problem with any of it at all. I actually think this paragraph is almost perfect!
Eighth paragraph: I totally feel you on the pen pal part, as well as wanting to meet and set up a date as soon as possible, I just don't think you need to announce that. If someone is giving you the signs of only wanting to be a pen pal or not wanting to meet, then you should drop them as fast as you can. Just drop them as quick as you can, but no need to advertise it, even though I know the feeling and it does suck. And the rest of that paragraph just sounds like more generic and cheesy lines that you don't need to put in there. I mean the part about how you don't ''Fall in love often'' but when you do you're ''100% on board and will fight for the relationship until the bitter end or until there's no fight left'' in your partner part. I'd cut all of that out. That's really not needed, it sounds really corny to put that down. Not saying you shouldn't genuinely feel that way, just that it's not necessary to write that down on your profile.
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