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I agree with everybody here. Just tell him that you're supporting yourself and helping support your parents, so your budget is a little bit tighter than you'd like. I can't imagine a good guy being upset about that.
Honesty is always best. You're really just deceiving him pretending to live a life you really shouldn't be. I'd honestly have a hard time getting past this deception. It would make me question what else you'd lie about. The bottom line is that you're really not compatible at least at this point.
I agree with everybody here. Just tell him that you're supporting yourself and helping support your parents, so your budget is a little bit tighter than you'd like. I can't imagine a good guy being upset about that.
Good luck, and report back!
I agree. Tell him right away. You can't keep using your savings to pay for usual expenses and dates. The longer that you wait to the tell him the truth the more he will wonder that you are telling him lies about other things.
Also, I hope that there is a very, very good reason why you are "giving your parents an allowance." Except for a situation of a short term cash flow problem, perhaps due to illness or other extenuating circumstances if is, IMHO, rarely a good idea for a 30 year old to be giving so much money to their parents that they are living "paycheck to paycheck". Perhaps, you can check into things like low-income housing and low income insurance and other services for your parents. Otherwise be prepared to keep paying them until they die (maybe 30 years, or more, from now). Just picture yourself in your 60s and wanting to retire but you haven't saved enough money to do that because you have spent all the money that you should have saved on your parents.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-08-2018 at 09:30 AM..
A bit about myself. My last relationship ended 1 year and 3 months ago. We were together for 7 1/2 years. Slowly our love fell apart and I caught him with another girl therefore I ended it. I’m 30 years old with a career. I’m able to support myself and I’m helping my parents with allowances every month, living paycheck to paycheck but still able to do other things without struggling. Fast forward, 2 months ago I met a guy online. We met up after a few days of talking and really hit it off. After our first date we felt like we’ve known each other for years and not just a few weeks. Since then we are always talking to each other everyday. Him and I both deleted our online dating accounts and are seeing each other. Within our first month dating we been out many times. We went on many dates, hiking, and a mini vacation. This month will be our 2 months dating/seeing each other.
So this man I’m dating he’s in his early 30s with a career. Makes more money than I would make. He mentioned before that he wants a women with a career, independent, smart and caring. A topic came up and we’re talking about working everyday and living paycheck to paycheck, how can you enjoy life? For him, he works 3 days a week and have traveled to many places around the world. I haven’t been honest about my situation. I told him I’m not living paycheck to paycheck and still able to save up money. He doesn’t know that I’m kind of struggling financially. We would go out to places and I we would always split the bill in half which I don’t mind. At the end of the night I would try to budget and see how much left I can spend. We even planned a trip for 4 days and are really looking forward it to. We love each other’s company and spending time together. Being with him and having him around makes me happy.
My point is I don’t know how to tell him, because of this it’s making me distant myself and in the back of my mind I’m having doubts. Doubts like I’m not good enough for him. He’s an RN and thinking of going back to school to become an NP. I’m an LVN and currently trying to work my way up to become an RN. But financially I’m having a hard time, with so much bills it’s driving me insane. Example, the money I have left is for food and gas which is within my budget. Going out and spending money every week is not in my budget and currently using my savings for it. I’m afraid if I tell him it will make him like me less. I don’t want to lose him. Being with him makes me happy. He makes me feel wanted and appreciates me for who I am. As I spend time with him, I feel like I’m falling for him more and more each and everyday. I don’t mind just spending quality time at home enjoy the movies in bed or go to places that doesn’t require money. I don’t want anything fancy. I’m just a simple girl with a sweet and kind heart. I’m not asking for much. I don’t know what to do. Thank you for taking your time and being patient reading my post. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.
Just tell him the truth.I think what you're going through is nearly not as bad as others...financially.It sounds like to me that you're doing well BUT the going out is really taking a toll on your finances and you feel that he will see you as someone who isn't in a good financial place.If he's not a jerk..he will see what we all see on here....someone who is living within their means and being able to help their parents....which is very kind and thoughtful of you.He should understand how when dating...it costs money with the constant going out all the time.He should be able to understand that you can't do that all the time and as you suggested...it is nice to be able to stay in and watch movies or cook each other dinners.Helps lessen the cost of going out.You shouldn't be using your savings to go out!! It seem to me that HE likes to be doing all of these things and it's not something that you want to be doing all the time due to your financial situation.Also it seems like he's the one suggesting all these outings...does he even offer to pay for you at times since you guys are dating and it seems now exclusive.At least he could pay at times since he's the one suggesting doing all of these activities.
I say just tell him this.You shouldn't be ashamed.
If he's as awesome as you say he is, he'll understand and be ok with this. He should be able to look at the long run and your aspirations and see that your situation is only temporary and has no negative bearing on who you are as a person.
The only reason to hide the truth is to protect yourself and your own desires...which I think you understand how selfish that is in a situation that is suppose to be about two people.
You have nothing to lose by telling him the truth, you have everything to lose by showing someone you want to be with that you will hide information that reflects badly on to you just to continue to get things from them.
If he likes you any less because you don't make much, but have plans for more schooling to improve your situation, he's not the guy for you. Consider, though, that when he spoke of his preference for a career woman, etc., he was speaking generally. He may well be supportive of your goals; not everyone starts out a career with a roaring start. Some people build their career gradually. There's nothing wrong with that. If he has a problem with it (which I doubt he would), you wouldn't want to be with a guy like that, would you?
It's very foolish to spend your savings, just to keep up with this guy. The sooner you come clean about your situation, the better. You're imagining a worst-case scenario, if you do that, but it may open the door to him being fully supportive of your goals, and admiring your tenacity and dedication to those goals. Why not invite him to dinner one week, instead of going out to dinner?
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