How to forget my jerk ex bf?

[treasurekidd]

When we first met, he was doing part time messenger work through an app and selling blood to make money. He didn't make much on either. I felt so bad for his situation. After he moved in, I asked him to stop selling blood. He still did some messenger work but he was making very little. I felt sorry for him so I helped him as much as I could.

So, you felt bad for him because his life was a smoking wreckage? This mans life was a disaster and that was not your fault, it was his. Drugs, drinking, chronic unemployment, battles with landlords resulting in homelessness, 3 children he couldn't support with multiple mothers - he (and his trashy family) created that mess, not you. Stop looking for someone to feel bad for and start looking for someone who makes YOU FEEL GOOD!

[TJenkins602]

Originally Posted by formosa

My ex just broke up with me 5 weeks ago. All my friends are cheering for me because they think he is a complete loser and I deserve someone way better. However, I just can't let go of him in my mind and I have been crying a lot. I am even considering hiring a breakup consultant to help me get him back.


We met online and connected right away. He soon became homeless and I invited him to move into my house. I am 43 with a professional job and a stable financial condition. He is 34 with 3 child supports (2 different moms) but kids all live with moms. He was jobless and only had $50 in his pocket when he moved in. In the first few months, he spent all day playing online games and smoking cigarette\weed. He didn't pay me rent or living expenses. I finally couldn't stand it so I made a resume for him. He found a weekend job at a pub first and then he found another weekday job in construction a few months later. He finally started to give me money monthly but it was only enough to cover his living expenses.


Our relationship went downhill quickly after he started his weekday job. He would go to his pub to drink with the regulars everyday after work and then he started to spend more and more time there. Eventually, he spent all his free time at his pub or other bars. We had a lot of arguments and I locked him out twice when he didn't come back at 3am. The second time just totally pissed him off and he broke up with me right away.


I was devastated. I know he wasn't really happy living with me but I took great care of him. I washed his clothes, cleaned his room and bathroom, cooked for him, shopped for him and I pretty much served him like he was the king. He never appreciated anything I did for him. He was only nice to me in the first few months after he moved in but then he became cold and even rude to me.


My friends always asked me what did he do for me in this relationship. He did help me with some home improvement projects and he took care of my car. (He did drive my car for almost a year) I am always attracted to guys who are handy in home and auto repairs. Besides his handy skills, he is also great in bed. The best I have ever had and I know i won't find anyone better.


I have been dating a lot since the breakup but I still miss him so much. I know my ex will not want me back. He thinks I am crazy. I never showed care to his kids or families. I also tried to fix him many times by telling him what he needs to do in his life. However, I am willing to change myself so I don't make the same mistakes again with my next man. I am currently seeing a guy who is similar to me (highly educated professional), someone I can take to my company party. We get along well but I don't feel any attraction. I keep wanting my jerk ex bf back.


Can anyone give me some tips about how to forget an ex who is a jerk and not my match? Thank you

The same ol 'project' boyfriend. These types of relationships never workout. The only thing you can do is get therapy to get to the root of this.

This is actually a typical story.

But yeah, trying to fix someone or make them your project is a bad thing. You are communicating to the person that you don't accept them which brings a lot of conflicting ideas in a person's mind. 'You don't accept me, but you chose me.'

Whenever you date someone, you are going to have to accept them as they are in every aspect of their life. They are not going to change for you. Every person has to have their own journey.

I think maybe there is a little guilt involved in why you want him back. This guilt could be the exact reason you got with him in the first place. Just guessing. I don't know.

In the end, you don't need him. You need someone who will treat you better. This is not to say that you should settle for the 'educated professional', you are not feeling it with him.

[TJenkins602]

Originally Posted by formosa

Thank you everyone for your advice. I have been watching many youtube videos to cope with my loss and discovered that there are breakup consultants who teach you how to get your ex back and make them want to be with you again. I know my ex is toxic to me but I still want him back so much.


I can't seem to attract good men at my age. Men in my same league in their 40s are extremely picky. One man even asked me to revise my message response because it was not enthusiastic enough for him. Many of my friends said I can find someone better, but the reality is I really can't. I am actually attractive and skinny but I am in my 40s and it is very tough to find someone.


I am going to take a break and focus on something else in my life during the holiday season. I will get a therapy to understand why I am so attached to my ex. Luckily my employer offers free therapy sessions for employees. I always feel embarrassed to use them but I really need professional help now.

To be honest, your best chance at getting someone back is to just move on from them and forget about them. Find something better.

This doesn't guarantee anything, but there have been plenty of times when people treat as if I am nothing, then I move on completely. Almost as soon as I've moved on, they come right back. But they have to face what they've done.

With people like that ex, you have to act as if you don't care. People who's lives are a mess typically do not want love.

But definitely don't try to fix anyone, that is just the easiest way to lose them.

[Galaxy_]

Dear OP, while reading your story I have spotted two things:


1) you have very low self-esteem and a sense of self-value
2) you seem to be attracted to dis-order and dis-function.


This man is a hot mess AND you love it.


WHY?


Imagine going to a store to get apples. Would you pick just any apple or only the good ones? You would certainly avoid the rotten ones, wouldn't you? This is because even a 5 yrs old kid understands that eating rotten apples has consequences.


Rotten apples, just like dysfunctional men, MAKE US SICK.


Now, here is a burning question: of all the apples you had available, why would you pick a rotten one?


The reason is deep rooted and it lies in your past (perhaps childhood) experiences. Somehow, on an unconscious level, your internal radar spots and picks certain types of men. What would be terribly wrong and a major turn-off for a healthy woman seems OK with you.


This is scary and twisted big time.


I think you DO need professional help to re-wire your brain. Your current libido is directed towards dysfunctional men that is why you feel 'nothing' towards a decent person who treats you like a QueenAlthough I am familiar with the issue you have, without digging deeper we cannot help you here. On some level, you get excited by something that is repulsive to most women. See how unsafe it is for you to continue like this?

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