Less sex in relationships and fewer relationships (affairs, exclusive, people)
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I don't think anyone here has a problem with you or anything personal against men. It's just threads like this that specifically claim women are the problem, we're just these evil beings, and how all of these "solutions" involve us submitting and giving up our right to choose who we want to be with, just to "sympathize" with men, it tends to irritate us. It seems to be about control.
I understand men have problems, but we are not always the cause.
I don't think anyone here has a problem with you or anything personal against men. It's just threads like this that specifically claim women are the problem, we're just these evil beings, and how all of these "solutions" involve us submitting and giving up our right to choose who we want to be with, just to "sympathize" with men, it tends to irritate us. It seems to be about control.
I understand men have problems, but we are not always the cause.
My solutions:
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length
Mindset and awareness, maybe...
...many lonely women have a support network they can use...sisters, mothers, girlfriends, coworkers, that kind of thing. Guys...not so much. Lots of shame and indifference in our culture for men who can't figure it out, and there has been some on display in this thread.
...
For guys it's a TMI subject. A "fix it yourself" subject. That's what I'd change, I guess.
That's it. I'm not sure how that's demanding that women submit to me or give up their right to choose who they want to be with.
In direct response, I was told:
-I wasn't being sensitive to women's problems
-I was "steamrolling" over their pain (by expressing my own?)
-I was blaming "wimmens" (bonus disparagement of my intelligence)
-I'm not taking responsibility for myself
-That I'm unhappy because women "don't just spread their legs"
What other way am I supposed to take all of that, but that there is a problem with me personally and what I said?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
How about GUYS start being more sensitive...to everybody?You think it's only men who can be torturedand humiliated, or else ignored?
...our own pain is steamrolled overbecause meh, we have friends.
...Wimmens. It's always the evil wimmens.
...When do men ever take responsibility for themselves around here? It is always women who are said to be at fault.
...Now it's because we don't all spread our legs. We're ruining society this way.
I considered the question of "What extrinsic solutions do I see to the problem" very carefully. By answering I exposed a very vulnerable and intimate nerve, even more so because standing up for myself and my desires is a new concept for me. That exposed nerve was attacked..."The more they know about you, the less they'll like you" being the social paradigm I've feared (and experienced) for nearly 30 years.
I considered the question of "What extrinsic solutions do I see to the problem" very carefully. By answering I exposed a very vulnerable and intimate nerve, even more so because standing up for myself and my desires is a new concept for me. That exposed nerve was attacked..."The more they know about you, the less they'll like you" being the social paradigm I've feared (and experienced) for nearly 30 years.
Look for intrinsic solutions, not extrinsic solutions. This is the kind of problem you must fix on your end. If you wait for society to change you'll be old before they fix the "dating system."
I wish we could get off the subject of changing society or culture. They both change as a result of the actions of millions or billions of people. Single people want dates now, and even if society wanted to change it will be too late for these people.
This 'vulnerable nerve' you discovered is something very few of us care about.
I don't think anyone here has a problem with you or anything personal against men. It's just threads like this that specifically claim women are the problem, we're just these evil beings, and how all of these "solutions" involve us submitting and giving up our right to choose who we want to be with, just to "sympathize" with men, it tends to irritate us. It seems to be about control. I understand men have problems, but we are not always the cause.
Basically being slandered. The only point in there that's accurate is control. Many of the sexless singles and also the married people having very little sex are disempowered and deserve more control. But modern women - part of the problem in this case - generally scream bloody murder at the idea they shouldn't be allowed to do whatever they want to do.
Side note: I think occasionally in undersexed relationships or couples with other problems, one partner knows how difficult the singles market is and essentially plays chicken and refuses to do anything differently and dares the other to leave. I'm saying that everything is involved in the growing storm.
Meanwhile, I will be actively pushing for quick change, focusing particularly on laws and regulations.
Basically being slandered. The only point in there that's accurate is control. Many of the sexless singles and also the married people having very little sex are disempowered and deserve more control. But modern women - part of the problem in this case - generally scream bloody murder at the idea they shouldn't be allowed to do whatever they want to do.
Side note: I think occasionally in undersexed relationships or couples with other problems, one partner knows how difficult the singles market is and essentially plays chicken and refuses to do anything differently and dares the other to leave. I'm saying that everything is involved in the growing storm.
Meanwhile, I will be actively pushing for quick change, focusing particularly on laws and regulations.
I have brought up the topic of divorce a few times with my Dw. We have both known a lot of couples who have gone through divorces. She does the math real quick and shows me what the courts will do to my paycheck.
I can support one household, I can not support two households.
Document, document, document, I suppose, and push for counseling.
That gives me the idea that judges should be given renewed discretion to punish divorcing spouses who have exhibited, for example, cruelty. I think it would be easy to punish in the form of a black mark that blocks a future marriage license for years. If the quality and reputation of marriage can be improved, more people will actively seek to be married and there won't be as many people who feel shut out of it all. Built into that is an assumption that it will lead to longer try-outs so to speak and draw more attention to singles who aren't the most overtly appealing but have deeper good qualities that eventually show.
What would you do if you went on a date with a woman and she listed every one of her shortcomings and then started crying?
Hyperbole. Nobody is way it "shut up and deal with it" as the general course of action. (BTW, this thread is not exclusively about you and for you.) Rather, "JUST complaining won't do anything" is more to the point of addressing the constant complaining, and definitely the blaming, for those who do (and there are many).
Document, document, document, I suppose, and push for counseling.
That gives me the idea that judges should be given renewed discretion to punish divorcing spouses who have exhibited, for example, cruelty. I think it would be easy to punish in the form of a black mark that blocks a future marriage license for years. If the quality and reputation of marriage can be improved, more people will actively seek to be married and there won't be as many people who feel shut out of it all. Built into that is an assumption that it will lead to longer try-outs so to speak and draw more attention to singles who aren't the most overtly appealing but have deeper good qualities that eventually show.
This is actually giving me a great idea for a book. It's kind of been overdone - "Utopian" society that strangles everyone's individual humanity and ultimately exerts ultimate control, right down to erasing dissenters when necessary - but having marriage be the central place of control could be SO facetious and make for a great cautionary tale. Minimum of one compliment to the spouse per week or a remote-delivered electric shock...cameras in the bedroom to count a minimum required number of sex acts, plus a minimum number of moans to prove satisfaction, or food is restricted for a week...oh but could this be some horror-slash-fun.
BTW, I was about two inches from invoking Godwin's law reading the quoted above, but I stopped myself...you're welcome, everybody.
That's always the way things go at CD-R. You've been around long enough to understand this. It's also the attitude you are expressing in your posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen
Meanwhile, I will be actively pushing for quick change, focusing particularly on laws and regulations.
And that is why we are ridiculing you. You have a serious personal problem (few or no dates) but you are trying to fix society instead of taking care of your own problem.
My advice: fix your own problem first, and then if you feel like it address changing society later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
What would you do if you went on a date with a woman and she listed every one of her shortcomings and then started crying?
Hyperbole. Nobody is way it "shut up and deal with it" as the general course of action. (BTW, this thread is not exclusively about you and for you.) Rather, "JUST complaining won't do anything" is more to the point of addressing the constant complaining, and definitely the blaming, for those who do (and there are many).
It is the complaining and blaming that are getting the negs here.
Your question was rhetorical, but if we hadn't ordered yet and came in separate cars, particularly after the bucket list of negs, I would politely excuse myself and leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
This is actually giving me a great idea for a book. It's kind of been overdone - "Utopian" society that strangles everyone's individual humanity and ultimately exerts ultimate control, right down to erasing dissenters when necessary - but having marriage be the central place of control could be SO facetious and make for a great cautionary tale. Minimum of one compliment to the spouse per week or a remote-delivered electric shock...cameras in the bedroom to count a minimum required number of sex acts, plus a minimum number of moans to prove satisfaction, or food is restricted for a week...oh but could this be some horror-slash-fun.
I just love dystopian novels! Hunger Games and Divergent come to mind. I would like to have a shot at writing a dystope, maybe my second novel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
BTW, I was about two inches from invoking Godwin's law reading the quoted above, but I stopped myself...you're welcome, everybody.
LOL! I don't think that will work in this topic but I won't be the one to invoke it.
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Document, document, document, I suppose, and push for counseling.
