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I notice the notices. I've had people respond to my messages that were unsolicited, as in they didn't like me before I sent it.
Of course you'd know where to find them. Maybe it's possible that since the change, others have become more aware of them - but I've heard nothing to indicate the public is as successful on and happy with OkCupid as it was before that and other changes.
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The problem isn't the website.
Something tells me you don't believe it can be the problem.
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If men are angry because women aren't interested in them, they should get help for their issues. That was me in my 20s. I needed therapy. I needed to treat my depression. I needed to change how I lived my life. I have.
That's conflating men angry with women and men who are angry at a changed, rigged system. Inner work doesn't fix the system. Life just became needlessly worse for many people, but they aren't you, so tough luck, huh?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Originally Posted by goodheathen
Of course you'd know where to find them.
Um, not easy to miss, they tell you have one and who sent it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen
That's conflating men angry with women and men who are angry at a changed, rigged system. Inner work doesn't fix the system. Life just became needlessly worse for many people, but they aren't you, so tough luck, huh?
LOL, it isn't rigged.
And you know what, if you don't like OLD platforms, don't use them. Simple enough. Plenty of people meet IRL too. 3 of the 4 last first dates I've had weren't from online, they were from: meeting someone at a drag king show, meeting someone at a party, meeting someone at a brewery event.
The reality is dude, unless you create a platform that works the way you want things to work, you're not going to be happy with them. If you can't change something, it makes zero sense to put energy into it. It is wasted energy. We can only control what we can control. I can only really control myself. How I act, react, what I do or don't do, how I treat people... I can't control how they treat me. Serenity prayer thinking. Think about it.
Last edited by timberline742; 12-02-2018 at 12:53 PM..
I have not dated since the 1970s. Though I have had many opportunities to think about dating if/when my wife dies. I have a number of friends who are singles, it does not appear that my friends have any greater difficulty dating today than what they had in the 70s.
It sounds like match-making apps have changed how young people meet today. That has changed our society and no doubt it will continue to change our society. But meeting people IRL is still a thing.
One of my friends, I see every week over coffee, he stops for coffee after swimming at the YMCA. This guy is in his mid-60s, he has many medical problems and he is obese, yet every week girls hit on him.
That's conflating men angry with women and men who are angry at a changed, rigged system. Inner work doesn't fix the system. Life just became needlessly worse for many people, but they aren't you, so tough luck, huh?
You insist they aren’t YOU either, it’s so important for us to believe you are attractive and have some success via your spoilers and rebuttals. If we disagree or ask questions, or words you don’t like, then we are harassing and attacking.
Why not go to a site where incels gather and brainstorm, to get a supportive following? You will be the leader of the movement for Govetnment Interferance, even though you are not having this problem but would like to find help for these poor fellows you can’t relate to, because it isn’t happening to you?
A legitimate question and observation, if you find descriptions of yourself insulting, then try being honest.
Um, not easy to miss, they tell you have one and who sent it.
LOL, it isn't rigged.
And you know what, if you don't like OLD platforms, don't use them. Simple enough. Plenty of people meet IRL too. 3 of the 4 last first dates I've had weren't from online, they were from: meeting someone at a drag king show, meeting someone at a party, meeting someone at a brewery event.
The reality is dude, unless you create a platform that works the way you want things to work, you're not going to be happy with them. If you can't change something, it makes zero sense to put energy into it. It is wasted energy. We can only control what we can control. I can only really control myself. How I act, react, what I do or don't do, how I treat people... I can't control how they treat me. Serenity prayer thinking. Think about it.
Yeah, I think about it and toss it in the trash.
OkCupid worked well enough for many people a few years ago. Then, for example, messages suddenly diverted in a way that due to ignorance or negative assumptions, they usually aren't read. OkCupid destroyed its essence for reasons that don't make much sense. There really isn't a site now like what it used to be, and due to systemic factors, there's nothing similar likely to appear despite the public's wishes. I have to wonder if enough current and former OkCupid users acted collectively to demand a return to the earlier format, would the parent company agree?
Meanwhile, offline date-hunting is not a good option for many people today. The declines reported in the article aren't happening randomly or because a huge number of people just became okay with nothing.
I highly doubt individual counseling as treatment for loneliness (without, for example, social phobia) has a good success rate. If it did, loneliness wouldn't be the huge social problem it is. Can't train a creature to.
I think the point is that it might help you remove the issues that are keeping people away from you (and that are keeping you from seeking more satisfying means of making connections) so that you will no longer be lonely.
I think the point is that it might help you remove the issues that are keeping people away from you (and that are keeping you from seeking more satisfying means of making connections) so that you will no longer be lonely.
The answer is certainly not "force people to be with you against their choice."
Because some or maybe much of the presumed mental health struggles is a side effect of loneliness! And sometimes underlying ugliness. Trying to date nowadays is easily damaging to mental health. The system itself needs an overhaul.
That some people are clueless, selfish, or desirous of a population crash (which actually I am, just not in a painful, non-selective way) does not make what's happening not a problem. I think it's enough of a problem that government involvement and coercive action will be needed to turn things around. Letting companies and individuals do almost whatever they want is how the mess developed - it's basically a tragedy of the commons. Government being watchful implicitly pressures dating sites to accomplish their supposed mission of getting the members what they want, which in turn leads to pushing individuals to behave smarter, as does government promoting and enforcing marriage as meant to last a lifetime. Government should promote and urge general wellness in its citizens, too.
Then advocate for group therapy, volunteering, or other group activities to alleviate loneliness. Not only could they be working towards a good cause but make some meaningful connections/friends as well.
Or are friendships still seen as less meaningful than sex and a SO?
I could come back with pointing out the seeming obliviousness at the joy of sex. No, friendships don't provide all the benefits of romantic relationships.
I've heard that volunteering is a poor way to form social ties, kind of like going to the gym to make friends. Group therapy might lead to friendships or any connections might end as soon as people leave, which shouldn't be very long, and it's therapy, for people who have specific mental-health issues to work on. Most people aren't particularly in need of therapy
(and insurance companies aren't going to pay and pay and pay for iffy cases of depression and would want to shortcut with pills). There's always Meetup, which at least can be fun here and there. Or Toastmasters, which doesn't sound like fun but could provide some lasting boost to social skills. All options point to an ugly truth that's probably been true throughout history: not many people are looking for close friendships after early adulthood. For the lonely ones, it's probably easier to find partners. Or would be, if the dating market hadn't turned into a huge mess.
Last edited by goodheathen; 12-02-2018 at 06:56 PM..
The answer is certainly not "force people to be with you against their choice."
Of course that's very different from people refusing to explore reasonable possibilities or bailing at the slightest turbulence (even if technically staying in relationships when it's convenient). I think that sums up my perception of the situation and why I think coercion would be effective, showing that a little patience can pay. I'd like if a dating website would run a real success-story ad with two not particularly attractive people talking about not instant love but instead something that developed after a handful of dates. Also, to give an example of site-enforced coercion, dropping toward the back of search results people who rarely reply to messages. The forum will assume that's punitive toward women, but from what I read about Tinder, it would discourage male mass-swiping that tends to go with their ignoring messages from people they've swiped.
Last edited by goodheathen; 12-02-2018 at 07:24 PM..
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