Less sex in relationships and fewer relationships (versus, celibate, perfect)
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Which is why I prefer data over anecdotes from tiny samples. There is an STD epidemic. The CDC has quietly indicated it. My guess is that cheating alone is overcoming safe-sex measures that responsible people take. Cheaters, enemy #1 on today's dating scene.
I don't want my pain felt. I want things to change. No duh people have to click. They are not going to click if they don't meet, and they probably won't click if they barely interact. Or for example they'll proceed despite lack of meaningful connection and end up in 'relationships' (including where the level of commitment is never defined) that eventually lack love and sex. That is where possibly millions of people are being failed. Do readers understand now? This has been brewing a long time; it's time to recognize and act.
What, exactly, do you propose?
On to more pressing stuff;
Sea Monkeys and Sadness has to be the title of my next novel. OK, first novel. I mean I'm writing a novel now since I've got a title to steal.
Well crap, just when my literary career was taking off I read more closely and I see Bag of Sex and Closeness. Wait
People keep asking. They also keep ridiculing.... Is there anything that's worth it for me to say that I haven't already said?
There was a reference to mixers... Some dating sites organize mixers (voluntary, of course). I don't think they are effective. Not enough commonalities or icebreakers, probably. If they could try smarter with that - breaking people into small groups to play trivia games, for example - that might make some connections. Dating sites could organize online group chats, too - do any now?
I just think people need to be vocal that dating needs to be better and to tell the sites what features they want and not tolerate fraud and deception from companies that claim to be facilitating happiness. They're preying more on the desperation of an increasingly single population than actually catering to the public.
It was on national TV this morning. Not in-depth, but it's a start. It probably will never get the attention it's due, because young celebrities get it on.
... There was a reference to mixers... Some dating sites organize mixers (voluntary, of course). I don't think they are effective. Not enough commonalities or icebreakers, probably. If they could try smarter with that - breaking people into small groups to play trivia games, for example - that might make some connections. Dating sites could organize online group chats, too - do any now?
I just think people need to be vocal that dating needs to be better and to tell the sites what features they want and not tolerate fraud and deception from companies that claim to be facilitating happiness. They're preying more on the desperation of an increasingly single population than actually catering to the public.
dating sites and organized mixers?
A website is not going to make dating better.
The public who participate in these websites are individuals. As individuals they want what they want, and they do not want what they do not want.
It took me over 30 years of marriage and hundreds of hours of counseling to finally understand that when an individual woman decides she does not want sex, there is nothing you can do to make her want sex.
There are people who seem to find their happiness in other ways.
There are songs about making love, but just because a woman sings along to one of those songs, does not mean she wants sex in her life.
There are a lot of movies that show couples acting like they are enjoying sex. There are a lot of people who want to fantasize about life and how great it would be to have a mate that enjoys sex. This theme literally makes Millions every year at the box office.
It is possible to meet a girl that you get along with. Maybe with luck, and a good roll of the dice, maybe she will like sex. It is much more likely that once the wedding is behind her, she will lose interest in it. And no website will change her mind. No song will change her mind. No movie will change her mind.
Even reading 50 shades, will not change her mind to actually having sex with her partner.
That is life. I am sorry to have to say this, but, Until the day comes when you are sucking on the muzzle of your shotgun, you are not going to change it.
^^^ The reason why, if I had a medical condition that made sex uncomfortable or painful or undesirable for me, I'd definitely invite my partner to open the relationship and go get his needs met somewhere.
Submariner did you not tell us that your wife's lack of desire to have sex was related to a medical concern?
Regardless. If my partner's got needs and I cannot or will not fulfill them, I would free him to get his needs met in whatever way that he is able, including with another partner or partners.
Which is another reason I think the absolutist thinking of sex only within marriage is not really the best working answer for people's problems. I think that creative and flexible solutions that take the PEOPLE into account make far more sense.
*shrug*
So hey, goodheathen, was the TV thing about the sex drought? Was it the same information you first shared with us? At first (lol) I thought you were saying that your new dating website was on national TV and I thought, "Wow that was fast" then I realized what...I think?...you're talking about.
Dating sites have the power to influence what people want. Do they want the best-looking individuals who seem available, or do they want healthy, lasting relationships? Currently the trend from the sites is to push the former, and most people aren't getting either want met.
I think White America is going the way of Japan; that is, decreased importance on dating and marriage resulting in lower birthrates. Many simply can not afford to get married; many do not want to get married.
What does it take to "afford" to get married? That's in people's heads...you can get married for $100 if that is what you truly want. Or, you can pay for a wedding that costs 10's or 100's of thousands of dollars. If you really want to get married, why not? All the tax benefits come from marriage -that's a plus!
So not having money is a poor excuse. Or do people really mean that they don't feel psychologically ready for marriage until they have achieved certain things in their career? That is something else entirely.
Of course we don't know how applicable that is to people not in relationships.
Also, almost everyone knows that financial instability is a common reason for broken marriages and that many people (usually the fairer kind) won't even date individuals who lack money.
Of course we don't know how applicable that is to people not in relationships.
Also, almost everyone knows that financial instability is a common reason for broken marriages and that many people (usually the fairer kind) won't even date individuals who lack money.
Most people don't tend to have the "money talk" or closely observe how a romantic partner handles money until they're pretty deep into a relationship, which is yet another reason not to get in too deeply (or god forbid, cohabitate) with a new person too quickly.
Being of the fairer sex myself, I can honestly say that it's not that I won't date a man who isn't rich. It's just that I refuse to become seriously involved with a man who doesn't have his act together financially. Money (mis)management rarely improves with time (or without a major struggle) and I'll be darned if I mingle my finances with someone who cannot manage his own.
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