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Old 11-14-2018, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Portsmouth, VA
6,510 posts, read 8,419,426 times
Reputation: 3822

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kolt View Post
Btw, wouldn't it be a lousy thing to do, not answering her anymore?

What about telling her exactly how things are?:
I want more than a friendship, and I don't think I can handle this when staying as friends?
Formulate a message where I apologize, but thats the only thing to do?
No because this is a game and you're losing.

Walk away. More time you waste on her is time you could be spending with someone else.

If she is really into it she'll drop what she's doing for you. Women do it all the time.
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Old 11-14-2018, 11:36 AM
 
553 posts, read 301,026 times
Reputation: 781
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kolt View Post
Btw, wouldn't it be a lousy thing to do, not answering her anymore?

What about telling her exactly how things are?:
I want more than a friendship, and I don't think I can handle this when staying as friends?
Formulate a message where I apologize, but thats the only thing to do?
No it wouldn't it would send her the message that you realize this is going down the wrong path and put an end to it.

I know you want to tell her you want more than friendship and you don't think you can handle this when staying as friends, because you want her to say, that's not true, trust her, it will be ok.

Alternatively, do what I suggested. Ask for her partner's contact so that you can group message all three of you at the same time, and then there is complete openness and honesty and you can still keep your friendship with her. Don't contact her or see her unless her partner is there as well.
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Old 11-14-2018, 11:36 AM
 
3,852 posts, read 4,140,301 times
Reputation: 7866
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kolt View Post
Pff, nevermind..

I assume you all have been in my situation, and just gave up on something that could be great (and right)..

I simply wanted to hear if someone had any advices for what to do in MY situation.

Quote:

"Do I try continue this friendship, or do I stay away from her for my own sake?"
"Do you think she wants to stay as good friends just to see what happens in the future?"
OK, I'll play along.

"Do I try continue this friendship, or do I stay away from her for my own sake?"
You are not in a friendship. There is nothing there for you except for a dangerous flirtation that won't lead anywhere good. Staying away from her is best for all involved, including her children and yours.

"Do you think she wants to stay as good friends just to see what happens in the future?"
No, I think she likes the attention you give her and the feeling of being pursued. She is in a relationship, and you claim to respect that, although telling her your feelings was disrespectful to that relationship. She is unavailable, and hanging around waiting for her long-term relationship to end is a waste of your time.
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Old 11-14-2018, 11:43 AM
 
8 posts, read 3,576 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
If you want a relationship with her random opinions on what you’re doing or should be doing really shouldn’t matter.
You’re going to pursue it because (surprise!) you already are. You’ve taken all the steps to get yourself to this point with this person. You cannot pretend it’s “meaningless” to the circumstance now that you want more from it. You have allowed this to go on in the way it has because of your own agency in all of this.

My only real advice to you would be this:
Someone who would do this behind the back of their SO with a reckless abandon is showing YOU who they are. If you seek to become their SO by playing this game with them you’re asking for the same treatment in the future.

Take some time away from this person to allow your headspace to clear a little
Thanks for taking the time to really read my situation..

It feels like everything happened so fast, I haven't really stepped back to read the whole situation myself..
I did put myself in this situation, not arguing with that..

But you say it like she's about to have an affair, which she clearly states she do not want to do, but she would like a friendship, like we had before (well without the flirting/kissing etc..)

The way i interpret this situation, is that she might really just want a friendship, nothing else.

My mind is probably abit clouded by hope that some day we would find eachother..

So my conclusion so far, is that I just stop hoping for something more, and don't engage in a "friendship" with her..

It's a sad day..
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Old 11-14-2018, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Portsmouth, VA
6,510 posts, read 8,419,426 times
Reputation: 3822
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kolt View Post
Thanks for taking the time to really read my situation..

It feels like everything happened so fast, I haven't really stepped back to read the whole situation myself..
I did put myself in this situation, not arguing with that..

But you say it like she's about to have an affair, which she clearly states she do not want to do, but she would like a friendship, like we had before (well without the flirting/kissing etc..)

The way i interpret this situation, is that she might really just want a friendship, nothing else.

My mind is probably abit clouded by hope that some day we would find eachother..

So my conclusion so far, is that I just stop hoping for something more, and don't engage in a "friendship" with her..

It's a sad day..
Even if she did if she is not ready or not feeling it, going to be miserable with her down the line. That is why it is better to just walk away, take the pressure off her, and maybe she'll miss what she no longer has (with you) and something can come of it at some point in the distant future. But if you never walk away you will never know this for yourself. If you do you'll be happy with someone else even if it never does happen with her.
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Old 11-14-2018, 11:47 AM
 
553 posts, read 301,026 times
Reputation: 781
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kolt View Post
It's a sad day..
Its always sad to loose a friend. Go heal. Best way in my opinion is to log on to a free online dating site and remind yourself that there are a ton of good looking, single women out there who want friendship and more.
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Old 11-14-2018, 11:47 AM
 
8 posts, read 3,576 times
Reputation: 10
Thanks alot good folks
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Old 11-14-2018, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
Reputation: 30257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kolt View Post
Thanks for taking the time to really read my situation..

It feels like everything happened so fast, I haven't really stepped back to read the whole situation myself..
I did put myself in this situation, not arguing with that..

But you say it like she's about to have an affair, which she clearly states she do not want to do, but she would like a friendship, like we had before (well without the flirting/kissing etc..)

The way i interpret this situation, is that she might really just want a friendship, nothing else.

My mind is probably abit clouded by hope that some day we would find eachother..

So my conclusion so far, is that I just stop hoping for something more, and don't engage in a "friendship" with her..


It's a sad day..
Your conclusion is spot on!

Imagine she was your girlfriend and shes was texting some dude that's in love with her? How would you feel?

Ill tell you right now, you cant truly be 'just friends', because of the way you feel for her romantically.
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Old 11-14-2018, 01:56 PM
 
8,076 posts, read 10,035,259 times
Reputation: 22658
Life is short.


Keep all doors open.


Walk through those where life beckons.


If you want this enough, you will make it happen.


Everyone has drama in their lives. Don't fall for the holier than thou stuff. When someone leaves footprints in your heart, you have to see where they go.
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Old 11-14-2018, 02:20 PM
 
553 posts, read 301,026 times
Reputation: 781
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted Bear View Post
Life is short.


Keep all doors open.


Walk through those where life beckons.


If you want this enough, you will make it happen.


Everyone has drama in their lives. Don't fall for the holier than thou stuff. When someone leaves footprints in your heart, you have to see where they go.
If that were meant to be OP she will contact you, when she’s not in a relationship, and when she is sober so you can actually talk about any potential future.

The onus is on her. She is the one who is not available. As others have said, leave her be. Don’t muddy things with what you may think are innocent phone calls or just saying hi text messages.

Please start trying to date other people.
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